


Earning My Wings.

by punkprostitute



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, Bad Dreams, Character Death, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, Gay, Gay Sex, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-21 16:35:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 37
Words: 59,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3699347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkprostitute/pseuds/punkprostitute
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak is the new kid in Winchester High. He's special. Not in a bad way, but in an unnatural way. He's an Angel. Dean and Sam Winchester, the Principal's children, are the rulers of the school. Sammy lays back, but Dean takes advantage. On Castiel's first day, Dean feels something in himself whenever he sees the boy. As Dean is too afraid to find out what this feeling means, Castiel tried his hardest to learn what he has to do to Earn his Wings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is my first ever Destiel one that is on WattPad as well. My user is: @GoingThroughLife
> 
> I apologize for any typos or anything, I'm just transferring this story over to Ao3 as well.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Castiel's POV.

"Castiel!" My father yelled for me. I quickly threw my shirt back on and walked out of the bathroom towards his room.

"Yes, father?" I asked when I walked in.

"Were you looking at your back again?" I nodded hesitantly after he asked that. I hated when he knew I was looking again. "You'll get them soon son. Don't worry okay? You have to earn them,"

"But how? I groaned and stomped my foot annoyed. He sighed and looked up from his laptop.

"Every angel is different," was all he said and I sighed in defeat.

"Yes, father," I said, head down.

"You should go get your stuff ready for your new school though, Castiel. We're meeting with all of your teachers tonight so make yourself look presentable," I immediately became excited.

I quickly ran upstairs to my room and started to change myself out of the lazy clothes I had on today but not before looking at my back again.

Don't worry, you'll get your wings soon enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am an angel though.

"Father, I'm nervous. What if the others don't like me?" I said, walking by my father as we entered the school building. There were people everywhere. 

"You'll be just fine, Castiel okay? Now, let's go meet the principal first I suppose," I nodded, following him and looking around. People were giving me weird looks.

Was it because of my trench coat?

We entered the principal's office and I was standing up because there were no more chairs. 

"Boys, don't you dare get in trouble!" He snapped. I flinched slightly, I didn't really like him.

"We won't, dad!" The boys both said at once before the stood up. I instantly looked at the floor and fiddled with my coat.

Dad?

I heard snickering before there was a smacking sound.

"Ouch! Sammy! What the hell!" Was the last thing I heard before the door closed.

"I am so very sorry for that, Mr. Novak. My boys have gotten in trouble everyday this week," the man started. "Castiel, is it?" He asked suddenly and I looked up at him and smiled. 

"Yes, sir," I said to him. He motioned to the chair and I sat down next to father. 

"Such manners. It's weird to hear those around this school," father started laughing along with the man and I smiled. "Anyway, I'm Mr. Winchester. Everyone calls me John here though," he introduced himself. I stood up and shook his hand and sat back down.

"My boy, Castiel here, he's very polite. He's just scared people won't like him here," Father explained and I felt my cheeks heat up.

"Oh, it might be a bit hard at first considering you're so polite but you're very handsome, Castiel, it shouldn't be hard to fit in," Mr. Winchester stated. Father went on about how the teachers here were and things like that as I looked around the room.

It was very, office like. It makes sense but shouldn't it look at least a little comfortable?

"Castiel, how would you like to start here today? I'll have one of my sons escort you around, let you get to know the place?" I looked at him and nodded hesitantly.

I was beyond nervous to be honest. "Alright Castiel, behave okay? And focus on getting to know the place and not on your back please," Father whispered the last part so Mr. Winchester wouldn't hear. 

"Yes, father," I said, hugging him before letting go just as the door opened.

"What do you want, dad?" A boy with longish hair, a tight maroon V-neck and dark jeans on walked in.

"Sam, this is Castiel. He's new here. I want you to show him around, let him get to know the place," the Sam boy sighed aggravated.

"But dad! Why couldn't you have gotten Dean to do it? I don't want to escort some newbie around all day! I have things to do!" He complained and I looked toward the floor again.

People were already starting to hate me.

"Sam Winchester. You will not say things like that around a new student. We will talk about this when you get home, no going to Jess' tonight," Sam groaned and turned around.

"C'mon," he grumbled. I looked up at Mr. Winchester who was smiling at me.

"I'm sorry about him, I would've gotten my other son out but his grades..." The door shut mid sentence as Mr. Winchester talked to my father. 

It was a quiet and awkward walk as we walked up and down halls. I was starting to betray father's wishes and thinking about my wings.

What do I have to do to earn them?

"Hey, Castiel," Sam snapped me out of my thoughts and I looked over at him.

"Yes, sir?" It came out naturally and he gave me an odd look. 

"My name is Sam, you don't have to call me sir bro," he chuckled. 

"I-I'm sorry, I just," he cut me off.

"Calm down, it's okay!" He laughed. I took a deep breath, smiling at him the best I could. "Anyway, sorry about in dad's office. My girlfriend and I are having a fight and I want to make things right, you know what I'm talking about right?" He asked.

To be completely honest, I didn't. I never had a girlfriend and I really don't think I'll get one either. 

"No, not really," I muttered. He stopped walking making me stop and looked at me.

"Wait, you've never had a girlfriend?" He asked, shocked. I shook my head. "Are you uh... Gay?" He asked hesitantly. I shook my head away. "We're in our senior year of high school! How have you never had a girlfriend?"

"It's a long story actually," I whispered. I couldn't very well date anyone anyway because I needed to find my task.

"Alright bro," he said laughing. 

A bell rang for the last time according to Sam.

"Hey, Castiel! Do you want to meet my brother? Or do you have to go home?" I looked around at all the people. Everyone was just ignoring me. 

Did they hate me?

"I think father wants me home," I told him after a minute.

"Oh, alright man! Well, meet me in the main office tomorrow and I'll walk you through your sch-" someone pushed him over and I gasped, immediately going to help him up.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE STANDING SAMMY!" A guy yelled laughing. I helped Sam up and he looked mad. 

"Thanks, Castiel. That's my brother who is an absoLUTE DICK HEAD!" He yelled the last part, making more laughter. "Anyway, meet me here tomorrow, see ya!" And with that he was running off. 

I watched him before I followed people outside. I started walking toward the way father and I walked this morning when someone knocked me over.

"Shit," I heard as I started to get up. "I'm sorry man, I didn't see..." I looked at the boy and he froze. I examined his face after I wiped all the grass off. I felt something going on in my stomach as his stare intensified. 

He had bright green eyes with touches of brown. His hair was short, light brown and spiked up. He was wearing a leather jacket with worn down jeans and boots.

In all honesty, he was pretty good looking for a guy. 

I felt like I knew something now that got me closer to finding the task.

"Dean! What're you doing to Castiel?" Sam came running up. The Dean guy seemed to snap out of his trans.

"I accidentally ran into him, sorry about that man! Well, I'll catch you guys later," and he started running towards an Impala.

"Huh," Sam said after a minute. I looked at him and tilted my head a bit. "He's never acted like that around anyone. You must be an angel or something! Anyway, see ya around Castiel!" And he started running towards the same car. 

I am an angel though.

Eventually I walked in my front door and took off my trench coat before walking into father's room where he was on his laptop. 

"How was school, Castiel?" He asked, turning around. 

"Good, father. Sam is a nice guy and I met his brother, Dean was his name? But I feel like I'm a step closer to finding out what my task is, father!" I said excitedly, leaving out that Dean was staring at me intently. 

"Castiel, I told you to focus on school," he said, pulling his glasses off. 

"I know, father. I'm sorry," I said ashamed. 

"It's okay, go start getting your stuff organized for your actual first day tomorrow."

"Yes, father," I walked out and walked into my room, falling on my bed.

Maybe it has something to do with the Winchester boys?

No.

Why did I feel weird when Dean was staring at me?

Oh well.

I closed my eyes and smiled as I felt myself falling asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

"Castiel, wake up. It's time for school," I heard father say, shaking me. I opened my eyes, yawning before sitting up.

"Okay father," I mumbled, standing and decided to change after he had left my room. I took off my shirt and looking the mirror at my back for a minute. I sighed not seeing anything. I threw on a white nice looking shirt, a tie and some new black jeans I got the other day.

I grabbed my bag and walked out of my room, throwing my stuff by the bathroom door before getting my hair and everything situated.

"Father!" I yelled as I put my shoes and coat on. He came down the hall and stood, leaning against the wall.

"Have a good day, Castiel. And remember, focus on school. Not your back," he warned. I nodded at him before walking out the door. I didn't know if I would be able to keep my mind away from that to be honest but I will try.

"Sammy, why are we waiting her? It's cold as fuck out here!" I heard someone complain. I looked up from the ground to see Sam and Dean standing by a big tree.

"Oh suck it up, Dean. He'll be here soon," I heard Sam say. I walked closer and caught Dean's eye. It looked like he froze almost instantly before looking down.

"Uh, hi," I mumbled as I walked up awkwardly. Sam spun around smiling.

"Hey! You made it here alive!" He said laughing. I didn't understand what he meant but I just went along with it. "Dean, you've met Castiel, right?" He said looking at his brother.

"Yeah, yesterday. Anyway, let's just go inside," he said keeping his eyes away from me. I looked back at Sam who just shrugged.

"So you got all the basics?" He asked as we stood in front of the cafeteria.

"Yes, si- Sam," I felt embarrassed. I always come back with sir or ma'am.

"Alright, you can eat lunch with Dean and I then. Oh and be careful, you'll probably get teased by our friends but not anyone else," he explained as we walked in. There were so many people.

Why were they staring at me?

"Why not anyone else?" I asked curiously as we approached an empty table.

"Well, Dean and I practically rule this school because our dad is the principal. We get in more trouble at home than we do here. People look up to us so if you're with us, no one will mess with you," he explained just as a girl walked up, making Sam stand up and hug her.

She had blond hair and was wearing a shirt that was too short to cover he stomach.

Why would you buy something too small?

"And who is this?" She asked, sitting on Sam's lap as I sat there awkwardly.

"This is Castiel, he's new. He's pretty cool but he's a bit awkward. No offense bud," Sam said smiling. I smiled back at him.

"Hello ma'am," I smiled at the girl. She smiled back.

"So polite, I like it. I'm Jessica. You may call me Jess though," I nodded, looking at the table. A few minutes later, I heard a chair get pulled out and someone set their stuff on the table.

I didn't look up though. I felt like I knew it was Dean.

"Hey, Jess," Dean's voice rang as I heard a bag of chips open. I looked up slightly and he smiled at me. "Castiel," he did a head nod thing at me, making me smile.

I was silent as they all talked amongst themselves. I was started to think about my back. Which actually was started to hurt.

I looked up at the sound of my name.

"Castiel, if you're going to be hanging with us now, you're going to need a nickname," Sam said as Jess stood up to go talk to someone.

"Cas," Dean suddenly said and right as he did, there was a throbbing pain that was shooting through my back. I sucked in a sharp deep breath as my shoulder blades started to burn it felt like. "Cas?! Sammy go get dad!" Dean said running to me. It felt like something was being branded into me.

Was this the sign?

***Dean's POV.***

"I'm telling you dad, I didn't do anything to him! All I did was suggest a nickname for him!" I defended as we waited outside Cas's hospital room.

"Sammy?" He asked looking at my brother. I sighed aggravated.

Of course he doesn't believe me.

"He really didn't do anything, dad," Sammy told him truthfully. Dad stayed silent for a second before nodding and Cas' dad walked out of the room right as there was a loud scream. He smiled at us. 

What was that?

"He'll be okay. But may I talk to your son, Dean, John?" He asked. I was confused.

Me? Of all people, why me?

Dad nodded and he smiled at me, beckoning for me to walk with him. We walked in silence for a few minutes until we rounded the corner where no one was except a doctor who wasn't paying attention.

"Now Dean, you won't understand why I'm about to say what I'm about to tell you but you will sooner or later okay?" He started. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Alright? Does it have to do with Castiel? Because I swear I didn't do anything to him. All I did was suggest a nickname for him if he was going to hang out with us an-" he held up him hand then put it on my shoulder.

"Son, I know you didn't do anything. It's okay, I know what's wrong with my boy," I went to open my mouth to ask what but he started talking again. "All I have to say is do not hurt my boy,"

He started to walk away after that, leaving me there completely confused.

What did he mean?

***Castiel's POV.***

I slammed my head back on my pillow, groaning.

That can't be the task! No! I refuse to let that be my task.

I'm not gay.

No.

Sure I've never really been attracted to anyone but I'm not attracted to Dean!

You're lying to me.

But it's branded on your back.

I groaned loudly.

I have to fall in love with him.

And he has to fall for me.

Great.

Just.

Great.


	4. Chapter 4

I walked into my house and wanted to cry. I didn't like my task. I hated it. How am I supposed to know when I fall in love with him?

Do I force myself?

"Castiel, dear, don't fret too much about it. You need your rest if you want to go to school tomorrow," father said from behind me. I sighed annoyed. 

"But father, I really don't want this to be my task! How am I supposed to know when I am in love with Dean? I don't even know him!" I whined. He placed a hand on my shoulder and I took a deep breath. 

"Don't fret. You'll know," he told me with a serious look. I looked down and nodded. 

"Yes, sir," I said back to him before deciding I should probably go to sleep if I want to get started tomorrow.

"Castiel, wake up!" I jolted up and looked at my father who was standing above me. "I've been trying to wake you up for about thirty minutes now, son,"

"I'm sorry, father," I mumbled before I started to get up and get ready. 

"It's okay, now get ready. Your school starts in thirty minutes," he said before walking out of my room. I sighed, running my hands through my hair before I decided to get a shower. 

I took off my shirt and looked at my back where it was branded. 

Dean's name. 

I groaned before jumping in.

I walked to school with my head down. I was in my usual pick of clothing, dress shirt and pants with a tie and my trench coat.

I looked up and saw Dean with a girl against his car. I felt something hurt in my chest just a tad bit but I ignored it. 

How was I supposed to make him fall in love with me?

"Cas!" Sam said running up to me. "Thank god you're here! Jess isn't here today and I could only take so much of Mr. Fuck-Everything-That-Moves," he laughed. I laughed along.

"How are you?" I asked him not knowing exactly what else to say.

"I'm good, how about you? Are you okay from whatever happened yesterday?" He seemed genuinely worried. I smiled. 

"I mean, not really but it's not because of my back," I admitted. He tilted his head and went to say something when Dean and the girl walked over.

"Hey, Sammy, Cas. Cas, this is Lisa, my girlfriend," he smiled, his eyes lighting up as he said her name. 

"Nice to meet you," I said with a smile and shook her hand. 

"What a gentlemen. Why can't you boys be like him?" Lisa said in a teasing tone making both Dean and Sam roll their eyes. 

"Yeah yeah," Dean chuckled. I felt something turn in my stomach. "I uh," I said awkwardly after a minute of silence. 

Oh no. This is happening again.

"We better get to class then! See you guys at lunch!" Dean said, walking away waving with Lisa next to him. 

"I'll walk with you," Sam smiled. I smiled and nodded. We walked in silence for a while until Sam decided to bring something up. "What do you think about gays?" He asked suddenly, startling me. 

"Uhm.. I don't have a problem with them," I said softly considering I'm supposed to be gay. "Why?" I asked. 

"Because, I have a friend who is gay and I was just wondering," he said smiling down at me. I nodded, not saying anything else. 

We got to my class and we said our goodbyes before I walked in, dreading the classes before lunch. 

I walked into the lunch room and went to the empty table. I decided against waiting on Sam today because I needed to get my head straight.

All day I've had these... visions. 

Visions of Dean and I later in life. I don't know what they mean though. 

Some got pretty graphic too. 

"Hey, Cas," Dean's voice startled me and I looked up from my hands. 

"Hi," I mumbled quietly. I wasn't much of a talker to be honest. And especially now, I was gonna be shy. 

"What's wrong? You seem all bummed out," he asked concerned. I squeezed my eyes shut for a second. 

"It's nothing. Just..." I trailed off.

"What?" He asked, reaching over and touching my shoulder. I felt my stomach turn again. 

"It's nothing. Just my back kinda hurts," it wasn't a full lie because it does burn right now. But that's not what the problem is. 

"Oh okay," he said sitting back again. I looked and saw Sam waiting in line. 

It was silent. 

"Dean?" I said suddenly, needing to know something. 

"Yeah?" He said, eyes closed. 

"Do you believe that someone can make someone fall in love with them?" I asked him curiously. He opened his eyes and looked at me. 

"Who are you trying to go after?" He asked with a small smirk. I felt my face flush. 

You.

"No one. But, do you think so? Even if they're the uh... Same sex?" I asked embarrassed. "It's for a friend," I added quickly after. 

"Uhm, it really depends on how well the other person like someone's personality I guess? I believe it can happen yeah, but," he trailed off, confused. 

I nodded and Sam sat down.

"Hey guys."

Let's see if it'll work on you, I guess.

-Dean's POV.-

"Hey, Sammy?" I asked from sitting on his bed. Dad was out of town for a small vacation, leaving Becky in charge at school. 

"Yes, Dean?" He asked from behind his computer screen.

"Do you think there is something, I don't know, different about Cas?" I asked him. He stopped typing and looked up.

"What do you mean?" He asked. 

"Well, today before you sat down, he was asking me if I thought it was possible for someone to make someone fall in love with them," I started to explain. He shut his computer and rolled over to me in the chair. 

"And? What's so bad about that?" He asked confused and curious.

"Well, he then asked me if I thought it was possible for someone to do that with another of the same sex. Like, a guy do that with another guy," I explained further.

"What did you say?" He asked. 

"I told him I believed it was possible because we've seen it happen with those two guys. He said it was for a friend," I said, laying back.

"We're the only friends Cas has here though?" He said confused. 

"I know. Just think about it for a second, Sammy," I said sitting back up. His eyes widened. 

"Are you thinking that Cas might be gay and going after someone?" He asked. 

"Yeah, and he would have to be going after someone who isn't gay," I said thinking out loud. 

"But, he would have to be going after one of us then," Sammy said coming to a realisation. 

"Yeah, but which one?" I asked. We both sat there and thought for a while. 

Neither one of us could pick out who so eventually we went to bed. 

Who would Cas like?


	5. Chapter 5

"Cas! Can I have your number so we can hang out after school sometime?" Dean asked me and I was caught completely off guard. We were outside of the school building, just me and him. Sam was sick. 

No one has ever asked for my number before. 

Well, I was the school punching bag last time so.

"Uh... I-sure," I stuttered, taking his phone and typing in my number. 

"You alright?" He asked, taking his phone from my hands. I nodded, looking at the ground. 

"Just, no one has ever asked for my number before," I admitted. There was a small gasp. 

"Wait, so you've never even talked to anyone outside of school? Hung out with anyone?" He asked completely shocked. I bit my lip and shook my head. 

"A lot went on at my old school," I whispered. 

"Well, I'm going to take you home and ask your dad if you can hang out with me today! Okay?" He said, grabbing my wrist softly.

"He'll say yes without hesitation," I accidentally thought out loud. 

"Why? That's good but why?" He was confused. We got into him Impala and he started to drive to where I told him.

"Uhm, it's a long story?" My voice squeaked and it came out as a question. Dean laughed patting my shoulder. 

"Alright," he said before we pulled into my drive way. Father opened the door as we got out.

"Castiel, Dean," father said with a bright smile. I smiled back at him. 

"Hello, father," I said, waving at him.

"Uhm, Mr. Novak?" Dean said, catching his attention. 

"Yes, Dean?" He asked. He probably thought I had my wings already but I didn't. Not even close. 

"I was wondering if I could take Cas out? Like over to my house with Sammy or something," he was nervous.

Why was he nervous?

"Of course, just have him back before 10 please," father said willingly. Dean smiled and nodded at him. I walked up to my father and handed him my bag. 

"Thank you, father," I said, hugging him.

"I'm not doing this because of your wings you know," he said hugging me back. I looked up at him confused. "I'm letting you because they're your first friends in a long time," he said. 

I nodded, letting go and walking back to the car. I hopped and and Dean started to back away as I waved.

The car ride was silent for the most part. My wrists were kind of itchy and my neck kind of hurt. 

It always happened whenever someone brought up the memory of my old school. 

We pulled up to a nice looking two story house. I smiled softly at it before getting out of the car and walking up to the door with Dean. 

We walked inside and he motioned for me to follow him up the stairs. 

"My room is right there. Make yourself at home please. I'm just gonna check on Sammy. I'll be right there," he said, walking to another door. I nodded and walked in to the navy blue room with band posters everywhere. 

I took off my coat and laid it across a chair before looking at my neck in the mirror across the room. 

There was a scar there and I swear the bruises resurface every time I think about them. 

I looked down and saw a scar on my wrist peeking through. I pulled my sleeve down and sat back on the bed, waiting for Dean. 

It wasn't long until he walked in. He smiled at me and sat next to me on the bed. 

"What do you want to do?" He asked after a moment. 

"I don't know," I mumbled. I didn't know what would be cool to do considering I only ever hung out with my father.

"Uhm, do you just want to talk or do you want to do something else?" He asked, his voice slightly shaky. You wouldn't be able to notice if you weren't pay attention. 

"We could get to know each other better I guess?" I questioned scared. 

"Sure, that sounds nice," he smiled and I kicked off my shoes, sitting criss-cross on his bed. 

"You first. Ask me any question," I told him. My brothers and I used to play this game every time they would come home from college. 

"Okay, Uhm. Do you have any siblings?" He asked me. I smiled at the thought of actually getting to tell someone about my brothers. 

"Yeah. I have two older brothers, Gabriel and Luci. Luci is short for something but if we called him by his actual name he would be frowned upon. Anyway, they're away at college now. They haven't been home since my last school but they've called," I said with a slight smile. It started to fade as I remembered the last phone call. 

"GABRIEL! Talk to your brother! I can't get him to stop!" Father yelled, crying as he slid the phone on speaker under my door. I was crying. Sorry, sobbing. 

"Cas? Hey Cassie," Gabe said through the speaker. "C'mon little bro, talk to me. Luci is here too," he said in a soothing tone. 

"I-I hat-ate everything! I hate m-my-myself!" I cried as I slashed my wrists open. I grabbed the rope and started to tie it to the ceiling fan in my room. 

"Cassie, don't say that. We love you okay? You're better than those people at your school," Luci said softly. 

"I just want to die! Just let me kill myself... It'll be easier," I sobbed. There was a broken crying from the other end of the phone. 

"Castiel, do not kill yourself please. I will get a ticket back home right now and miss every due date if I have to. Cas, you're important to us. You're better than them," Gabe said, voice shaking. 

"Please, Cassie, don't do that. If you want us home, we'll come home. Just don't kill yourself," Luci cried. 

I walked over to the door, blood dripping from my arms onto the white carpet, and quietly unlocked it before picking up the phone and holding it to my ear. 

"I unlocked the door but father doesn't know. If you don't tell him, then I'm dead. I love you both," I cried softly, sliding the phone back on speaker and quickly standing on the edge of my bed and putting my head through the hole before stepping off. 

I head the muffled yelling through the phone on the other side of the door before the door started to open as I was losing my vision and my head was feeling light. 

I felt arms wrap around my legs, lifting me up so I could regain my breath before he brought me down. 

I collapsed to the floor in father's arms sobbing even harder. 

"I'm so sorry, father," I cried. He shushed me but I only cried more. 

"Cas?" Dean's voice snapped me from my flashback. I shook my head and looked at him. 

"Yeah?" I asked him. He looked worried. 

"You okay?" He asked. I only nodded. "Okay. Anyway, who do you like?" He asked and I froze up. 

What do I say?

I can't say him, even though I am starting to like him like that. 

Oh lord, what do I say?


	6. Chapter 6

"Uhm... No one really... Why?" I lied shakily. I mentally scolded at myself when I saw him smirk.

"Oh really? Not even a little bit?" He smirked. I shifted a little bit as he scooted closer. I felt my heartbeat speed up slightly. 

"N-Nope," I stuttered, looking at his lips. He was so close. He bit his lip and I felt a small pit in my stomach. I looked away quickly, looking at my hands. 

"It doesn't matter who it is. Guy or girl. I won't judge," he urged on.

"I-it doesn't matter. They're dating someone anyway," I said looking back up only to feel my nose touch his. My breath hitched. 

"Describe them if you won't say a name," he whispered. I felt a shot of pain shoot through my back as if it was telling me to tell him. I was shaking badly. 

What if he doesn't want to be my friend anymore?

"Uh... They have light brown hair. Uhm.. Kind of hazel eyes but a bit more to green. Freckles. Tanish skin," I described what I could without making it obvious it was him. He backed away, thinking. 

"Is it a guy or girl? I promise I won't judge. Just me being curious," he said with his hands up. 

I stayed silent.

I didn't want to tell him it was a guy. Let alone tell him it was him.

"Cas?" There was a cough from the doorway and my head snapped around to see Sam smiling at me. "Dean, you didn't tell me he was here!" He said offended. 

"You weren't listening! You must've been like half asleep!" Dean said back. "Anyway, how are you feeling?" He asked, getting up and walking over to him.

He's such an amazing brother. 

"Better. The medicine dad left before he left helped a lot," he said, walking over to the chair and sitting down. Dean smiled and retreated to his spot on the bed next to me. 

"Good," Dean said leaning back a bit. 

"What're you guys talking about?" Sam asked us. I looked down immediately, feeling my face flush. 

"Just trying to figure out who this one likes," Dean teased, hitting my arm lightly.

"And who is that?" Sam asked curiously. I bit my lip and remained silent. 

"He hasn't told me yet. C'mon, Cas. We won't tell anyone!" Dean whined.

"Where's you bathroom?" I asked and Sam got up.

"I'll show you," he said smiling and coughing a bit. We walked out, leaving Dean alone. We started down the stairs and got to the bathroom door. I walked in and was about to close the door when I decided I would tell at least Sam.

"Dean," I said before shutting the door. I leaned against it and gripped at my hair. My back was burning like crazy. 

Should I really have told him it was his brother?

-Sammy's POV.-

I stood there for a second trying to make sense of what Cas just said. 

Dean. 

Dean. 

Dean. 

My mouth dropped. 

I walked back up to Dean's room and shut the door behind me. He looked at me funkily. 

"You look like you've seen a ghost, Sammy. What's wrong with you?" He asked teasingly. I just pointed at him speechless. "Sammy, seriously," I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. 

"You cannot tell him I told you okay? It's you," I said as quickly and softly as possible. Just then, he opened the door with a shy smile. 

"Hi," he said scratching the back of his neck. A sudden look of pain shot across his face and he hand flew to his back. 

"Are you okay?" I asked him as Dean remained silent. Probably trying to recollect what I had told him. 

"I-I'm fine. My back just hurts," he sent a shy smile. 

"Do you want like, a massage or something?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, Dean can give one hell of a massage," I said knowing his can. He's gave me one when dad forced him to because I had done something to my back at my friend's house. 

"N-no! Uhm. I'll be okay," he said really fast. I furrowed my eyebrows. "I-I should probably be getting home though. Father is probably worried," he said looking at his phone. 

"Oh, yeah okay. Sammy, I'll be back," I nodded and watched Dean and Cas walk out after he grabbed his trench coat. 

What's he hiding?

Dean's POV.

"Do you wanna get something to eat first or something?" I asked him. He was being really quiet. 

"Uh.. s-sure," he said shakily.

What's wrong with him?

"Are you okay, Cas?" I asked as I turned down a road and pulled over into a little alley way so we could talk.

"I-I'm fine, Dean. What are we doing?" he asked confused while looking around.

"Just wanted to talk," I said in all honesty. It was true. I did want to talk. I don't really know what about but maybe just everything.

"About w-what?" He scooted more toward the door as I shifted.

What was he scared about?

"I don't know really. Just thought since its only like 7:30, we could just talk," I told him. I watched his eyes search my face as if seeing if I was lying. He looked at my hands and visibly relaxed.

"Okay," he said suddenly more confident. 

"What was all that about?" I asked curious. 

"Oh, um. I've had a really bad past and normally when this happens I don't get to go home," he mumbled.

Did he get beat up?

He started playing with the sleeves of his dress shirt. I stayed quiet for a minute trying to honk of something to ask. 

I was about to open my mouth but he got to first.

"Can we talk about our past lives?" He asked seeming really like he wanted to get something off his chest. 

"Course," I told him with a smile. "Do you want me to go first or?" I asked. He smiled. 

"Yes, please," he said. I smiled back and nodded. I felt uncomfortable though so I decided to open the door and get out. "Where are you going?" He asked, following my lead. 

"I just thought it'd be easier to sit on the hood rather than stay in the car," I explained. 

"Yeah, it was a little cramped," he laughed nervously as he sat down next to me. He laid his hand down close to mine and our pinky's were brushing. 

I felt something shoot through me but I couldn't tell if he felt it too. 

"Well, there was this one time when my dad was out on vacation with my mom before she died. I had a Superman costume on and Sammy had a Batman one on. I had to of been about 8 or so when this happened," I felt Cas shift and turn to face me, moving his hand. "We were on top of the shed we have in our backyard and I swore that I could fly so I jumped off but I didn't fly sadly. I wasn't hurt that bad though. It was when Sammy decided to try when he hit the ground he landed on his arm wrong and it was broken. I had to take him to the ER on my handlebars with the money mom and dad had left. I got into trouble when I told them," I laughed at the memory. Cas was smiling.

There was something in his eyes that I couldn't pick out. 

Almost like longing?

I'm not sure exactly. 

"That's funny. I'm glad you guys were okay though," he smiled at me. I smiled back shaking my head and shifting to the same position as him. "Anymore?" He asked. Almost avoiding his. 

But I'll keep going for as long as he wants me too.

Seeing him smile does things I may not like to me. 

"Well, this one time. Before dad became the principal of the school, he was a truck driver so he would leave all the time. And he had to leave on the day before Christmas Eve and he told me he wouldn't be back in time for Christmas. We had to be like 12 and 8. Sammy kept asking me if dad was going to be home in time as he wrapped his present and I kept assuring him he would try. So after I figured out Sammy had fallen asleep, I snuck out and stole some presents from the next door house and put them under our tree," Cas snorted. 

"You stole someone else's presents?" He asked amused. 

"Yes! It was for Sammy, don't judge me!" I said playfully offended. He laughed. 

"I'm not, go on," he told me shaking his head. 

"And then I woke him up, saying dad came by but left again. And he went to open his presents but it didn't really work out because they were both girl presents," I said remembering the realization on Sammy's face when he figured out dad didn't come home. "He told me that it was a nice thing to do and then he grabbed his present to dad and gave it to me. He told me I could have it and that's where this came from," I finished, pulling the necklace out of my shirt. 

Cas reached over and grabbed the necklace in his hand. He looked at it and then looked back up at me. 

"I like it," he said smiling. He put his hand back down and it was halfway on top of mine but I don't think he noticed. And if he did, he didn't move.

I felt electricity shoot through me as our hands were touching. I felt bad though because I'm dating Lisa but I couldn't bring myself to move it. 

"What about you? What was your past like?" I asked him. I watched as he tensed and his smile faded instantly. He moved his hand, leaving mine cold, and brought it up to his neck.

"Uhm.. I don't know if you'd want to hear about it," he mumbled, rubbing the front of his neck. 

"I do though," I assured him. He sighed and was about to open his mouth but his phone started ringing. 

"Hello?" He answered. "Hi, father.... I'm still with Dean..... No he hasn't.... I made sure I was first.... We're on his car talking.... No I haven't told him..... Father.... Okay.... Okay, I love you too.... Bye," he hung up and slid off the hood of my car. I gave him a confused look. "Father wants me home," he told me. I nodded and slid off myself and it was then when I realized how dark it was outside. 

We both got in and it was a silent ride to his house. 

When we got there, it was slightly awkward but he looked at me. 

"Thank you, Dean. I appreciate it a lot. Someday I'll tell you my story," he told me with a soft smile. 

"No problem, Cas. We need to do this again sometime," I told him to which he agreed. He got out and shut the door before he walked in front of the car and just froze. 

There were two people standing in front of his garage in my headlights. They were both smiling. 

I was just about to get out when Cas started running towards them, hugging them both. I smiled. 

Brothers maybe?

I pulled away and started on my way home back to Sammy.

Why did I feel that way when he smiled tonight?

Or when Sammy told me it was me who he liked?

I sighed and put on an upbeat song. 

I guess I'll find out soon enough.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey, father!" Gabby yelled, walking out of my room. I sat there with Luci just smiling like crazy. 

It had been so long since I have talked to them.

"I missed you so much," I say, hugging him again. He laughs and hugs me back. 

"I missed you too, Cassie," he says. "How are things here? Any trouble like the last school?" He asked a little cautious. He knows if there is, he knows my signs. 

"Nope! And I'll prove it!" I said and started rolling up my sleeves where my arms were covered in scars. "See! This is the last cut I've done and that was the last day of my last school," I said pointing to a certain cut. It was the one that I cut before I tried to hang myself. 

"Good. I'm glad my baby bro doesn't do that anymore," he whispered kissing my arms. It felt a little weird because its been so long since anyone besides me has touched them. 

"Oh, Cassie!" Gabby suddenly yelled, walking into my room. He was smiling until he saw my sleeves up. Normally when I do that it's because I'm showing them a new one. 

"He didn't cut again. He hasn't since that night," Luci quickly said which made Gabby smile and walk over to me. He kissed my head before going back to what he was saying before. 

"Guess who convinced father to let you stay home for a few days while we're home!" He chimed. My eyes widened. 

"Thank you, Gabby!" I said jumping up and hugging him tightly. He laughed, wrapping his arms around me. 

"Now, since you don't have school tomorrow, you get to stay up and tell us everything about this new year so far okay?" He told me and I nodded frantically.

We all laid a blanket on the floor with a few pillows just like we used to and sat down. 

I started to unbutton my shirt because the first thing I want to show them is my back. 

"Whatcha doin', Cas?" Luci asked confused. 

"I know how to earn my wings," I told them. They gasped and smiles erupted onto their faces. 

I pulled off my shirt and turned so they could see. They read it and it was quiet for a second. 

"Who is Dean Winchester?" They asked in unison. I felt my cheeks flush slightly. 

"He's a boy at school. This happened the first day I met him. He's really nice, to me anyway," I said, throwing on shirt and facing them again. 

"Details, Cassie," Gabriel laughed. I sighed but started talking. 

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

It was about three AM when we finally decided to go to bed. We all laid down on the pad of blankets, Luci on my right and Gabby on my left. I was always in the middle. We are a cuddle family when we're together. They picked me to be in the middle the night I told them about me cutting. 

I curled up on my said letting my older brothers engulf me into their warmth. I smile and closed my eyes. 

"Goodnight, Cassie," they said in unison again. They both pressed a light kiss to my head then to my arms. 

They've always done that. 

"Goodnight," I mumbled with a yawn.

I wasn't going to school tomorrow. 

And lord am I thankful.

Dean's POV

"Hey, Dean! Where's Cas? Have you seen him?" Sammy asked as I talked to Lisa. He had Jess with him and they'd left about five minutes ago to go collect the boy. 

"No? I've been standing here the whole time," I tell him. Lisa reaches up and pecks my lips quickly. 

"I'm going to talk to Julie for a little bit. Love you," she says before skipping off. I smile at her figure. 

She's beautiful really. 

"Huh. Maybe he's sick or something. I'm sure he'll be back tomorrow," he said. 

I hope he's okay.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Castiel's POV.

"Boys! I'm going out for a while! Don't do anything stupid!" Father called, waking me up. I felt cold on my right meaning Luci had gotten up already but Gabby was still asleep. 

"Okay, father!" Luci called back from my bed. I curled up into Gabby's chest more, making him shift. "Morning, Cas," I heard feeling a hand on my head. 

"Hmm," I hummed. I felt Gabby start stretching his arms. 

"Morning, Gabe," Luci said. I peeled my eyes open to see Gabby smiling before he yawned. 

"Morning, boys," he said letting his arm fall around me again. 

"What do you want to do while we have the house to ourselves?" Luci asked amused. I let myself stretch as I heard my phone start ringing. 

"Can you hand me that, Lucifer?" I asked reaching my hand up. He put my phone in my hand and without looking at who it was, I answered and put it on speaker. "Hello?" 

"Cas! Hey, where you at?" The voice that filled the phone made my eyes shoot open. 

"Who is it, Cassie?" My brother's asked at the same time. I glared at them both. 

"Be quiet! Sorry, I'm at home," I told him.

"Cassie! Who is it?!" Gabby pried. He does this just to annoy me I swear. 

"Shut up, Gabby!" I said grabbing my phone and holding it away from my brothers. 

"Who is that?" Dean asked. 

"Is that Dean? C'mon Cassie! Tell us! It's Dean isn't it?" Luci started in. I groaned, getting up and started walking out. 

"They're my- AHHH!" I was pulled to the ground, making my phone fly across the room. I tried to get away but I was starting to be tickled. "GABBY! S-STOP!" I squealed, laughing trying to break free. 

"Hello? Dean?" I heard Luci pick up my phone. 

"Yes? Who is this?" He asked. 

"Lucifer. Also known as Luci," he said smugly. 

"L-LUCIIIIII!" I squealed as Gabby pinned me down. 

"Wait. What? Lucifer?! Like the devil?!" Dean sounded almost terrified. Luci sighed angrily and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"Did you tell him about us, Cassie?" He asked me. I caught my breath, unable to break free. 

"I told him about you guys being My brothers but anything else I would have to go into my past and I'm not ready for that yet! He must not remember you guys!" I said to him.

"Dean, I'm Luci. And my brother Gabriel are here with Cassie," he trailed off. "Hold on just a second," he covered the microphone, smirking. 

Oh no.

"Let's see how jealous he gets, eh Cassie?" He smirked and a smirk made its way onto Gabby's face as well. I was about to yell but Luci walked over and covered my mouth. "Sorry about that. Anyway, Gabriel is Castiel's boyfriend. I'm just bringing him here to visit before he goes back to college," he says. I tried to scream to Dean and say he was lying but I couldn't. I start thrashing about. 

"Wait... Cas never told me he had a boyfriend! He said he never had a relationship!" The jealousy laced through his words. 

"They've been going strong for quite a while," Luci said and I gave up. 

"I-oh. Well, I need to get back to class. Uh, Cas text me later," and the line went dead. 

Gabby let me go and I instantly threw myself on top of me, hitting his chest.

"Why did you do that?!" I screamed. I turned around and hit Luci in the arm as hard as I could. 

"To see if he actually likes you! It'll be fine, Cas. All you have to do is saying we were pulling a prank," Gabby said laughing. I started pouting. 

"I'm mad at you guys," I mumbled, walking towards the door. 

"Cassie! C'mon," Luci said trying to stop me. 

"No, I'm mad!" I said opening the door, waiting for them to walk out. They eventually did after they took the sharpest thing they could find. They always did that.

I slammed the door in their faces and walked back to my bed and grabbed my phone. 

"Cas, come on. We're sorry!" They tired. I didn't reply.

I felt tears coming to my eyes but I tried to bite them back. 

I quickly texted Dean, telling him I have never been in a relationship and that Luci and Gabriel were my older brothers.

I felt a few tears fall from my eyes and I tried to wipe them away but they kept coming. 

I feel so weak.

I haven't cried since that night. And I start crying because my brothers played a prank.

Maybe it's because the last time that happened, I lost my one and only friend at school. 

Of course they don't know that but I'm scared it'll happen again.

It had to of been about two hours later when I was facing the wall and I heard the door open. I had been gripping my wrist tightly in my hand in order to not cut as memories flooded my mind. 

I still didn't get a reply from Dean.

"Cassie?" It was Gabriel. "Hey, Luci got a call from father and had to go help him with something. Are you okay? We're sorry," I felt the bed dip and a hand on my side. I sniffed which I could tell made him stiffen. "Cas, are you crying?" He leaned over and I turned my head away from him, pushing mine into the pillow. "Hey, c'mon, Cas. Talk to me," he whispered, stroking my hair. 

I shook my head but rolled over and wrapped my arms around him. He grabbed my left arm and looked at it.

I knew there were deep fingernail marks in it to where it probably broke a few of the still healing cuts. I looked up at my older brother as he examined my arm. 

"I-I didn't mean to do it," I whispered to him. He smiled weakly at me and leaned down, kissing my forehead. 

"Do you want to tell me what is wrong?" He asked me softly. I scooted over so he could lay with me and I started talking after he got comfortable. 

I told him about the last time they did that, I lost my only friend ever. 

By the time I had finished, I could barely keep my eyes open. I was so exhausted.

I heard my phone go off but it didn't register to me. 

"I'm really sorry, Castiel," Gabby whispered. 

"I know. It's okay," I mumbled, closing my eyes. I was about to fall asleep when I realized I got a text. I opened them and reached for my phone. 

It's cool. The names sounded vaguely familiar anyway. Hope u get better! C u 2morrow? -Dean

I immediately felt relaxed but I didn't reply. 

"I'm so tired," I whispered noticing it was only 3 pm.

"Go to sleep, Bub. I'll explain to father and Luci if they ask okay?" I nodded against his shoulder and found myself drifting away. 

Away into a place where everything is okay. 

Where my skin is scarless. 

Where I actually had friends. 

Away to my happy place.


	8. Chapter 8

"SHUT UP, SAM!" I yelled as he pried. 

"You like him! I know you do! From the way you got so jealous!" Sam said with a huge smile. 

"No I don't! I like Lisa! Maybe even love her!" I try. It feels wrong to say that though. 

I closed my door in his face and he didn't try to get it open. Only stood on the other side. 

"No, Dean! I know you like him! Whether or not you want to believe it!" He said and I could tell there was a big smile on his face.

I stayed quiet until my phone rang. 

Lisa

"Hey, babe," I said into the microphone. 

"Hey, Dean, can I come over? We need to talk," she asked. I furrowed my eyebrows. 

"Uh, yeah sure. Is everything okay?" I asked concerned. 

"Yeah. I'll see you in a few," she said before the line went dead. I opened my door and saw Sam walking out of the bathroom. 

"Lisa is coming over. Don't say anything about Cas please," I told him.

"Why is she coming over?" He asked. It's weird for her to come here. She's only been here two times since we've been dating. 

"She wants to talk. I don't know about what yet so. I'll tell you when she leaves," he nods and walks into his room. 

I sat on the couch waiting for about ten minutes before she walked in without knocking. 

"Hey," I said with a smile as I stood up to walk over to her. I hugged her and went to kiss her but she turned her head away. 

"Dean," she said pushing me away from her. 

This isn't good. 

"What's wrong, Lisa?" I asked confused and concerned. 

"I think we should see different people," she said, looking down. 

The words hit me hard. 

We've been together for years. And she wants to end it?

"I-why?" I stuttered. I didn't know what else to say. 

"Because I just, I don't feel like I like you like that anymore. And with me moving and all I just, I don't think I could do that," she explained. I stayed quiet. "I'm so sorry, Dean. I'll see you at school okay? Good bye," and with that, she walked right out the door. 

I stood there not knowing what to do.

My phone started ringing again, making me snap out of my trance. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw it was Cas. I sat down on the couch and answered it. 

"Cas, it's not a good time," I mumbled, rubbing my face. 

"I'm sorry but I need to ask you something," the voice wasn't Cas'.

"Who is this?" I asked confused. 

"Gabriel. Castiel's brother. He's sleeping right now but I want to make sure of something," he told me. 

"What?" I asked. 

"Are you ever going to not be friends with my brother?" He asked me.

What kind of question is that?

"I'm going to stay friends with him. And so will my brother, Sam," I said back to him. 

"Okay, that's all I needed. Thank you," he said. 

"Wait, why?" I asked quickly. There was a sigh before what sounded like a small whimper. 

"Cas, you're okay. It's okay," Gabriel whispered. "He will tell you when he wants you to know," he said to me. 

"Is he okay?" I asked getting concerned for him.

Was he?

"Yes, he'll be okay. Just stay close to him and don't leave him. Now, I must go. Goodbye, Dean," the line went dead. 

I sat there for a second before standing up and running to Sam's room.

"Sammy? It's me," I said banging on the door. He opened it and I walked into the dark green room. 

"What's wrong?" He asked me. 

"Well, Lisa broke up with me for one," I told him feeling not that broke up about it anymore. Not since I heard Cas whimper like that.

"I'm sorry, man," Sam said hitting my shoulder. 

"It's cool, I'm fine. What really gets to me is what happened after she left," I said. He tilted his head at me. 

"What happened?" He asked. 

"Cas' brother, Gabriel just called me to make sure we were going to stay friends with him," I started. 

"He knows we will though!" Sam said. 

"Yeah, but that's not what gets me. I feel like there are a lot of thing Cas has not even mentioned to us. I heard him whimper, Sam. He whimpered like he had been crying," I told him. I saw Sam's small smirk and I glared. "Maybe I do! I don't know yet," I mumbled. 

We talked for a while until we heard to door downstairs open. I looked at his calendar to see that it was still at least three days before dad got home. 

"Who came in?" Sam whispered. I shrugged before the door opened and we both gasped as we saw a figure appear. 

"Dad! You're not supposed to be home for three days!" Sammy said. 

"I got a call from Becky saying there was a big fight. And I missed my boys," he walked over and hugged us tightly. I smiled. 

"Missed you too, dad," I said once we parted. 

"So, how are you and Jess, Sam?" He asked. Sam's face lit up at her name.

"We're great actually! She wants to go for a movie this weekend," he said. Dad smiled. 

"Alright. That's fine," he turned to me. "How about you and Lisa, Dean?" I frowned. 

"She just broke up with me about two hours ago actually," I sighed. "Do you need help unpacking?" I asked trying to get away from the subject. 

"Yeah, and I'm sorry about that," he said. 

I just shrugged it off and Sam and I started to help him. 

There was really only one thing going through my mind though. 

What hasn't Cas told me that would make him cry?

Castiel's POV.

I woke up cold. 

Gabriel had left the room. 

I yawned and opened my eyes, stretching. I rubbed them to get the sleep out and then opened them again.

It was bright again. 

What time is it?

I grabbed my phone and saw it was 9am.

I slept from yesterday to today?

There was a soft knock on my door. 

"Come in," I said and the door opened. 

"Hey, Cas," Luci said with a smile. I smile back at him. 

"Hi, Luci," I yawned. I sat up and he walked over to me and kissed my forehead. 

"How's your arm?" He asked me. I looked down and saw Gabriel had put it in a bandage. 

"It doesn't hurt," I told him. I always told him that. But now it's true.

"Good," he smiled. He sat down next to me as Gabby and father walked in. 

"You're awake, Castiel," father said and I nodded. 

"Feeling better?" Gabby asked. 

"Yeah," I smiled. 

"Good. There's someone here to see you though. His name is Sam," Gabby said as father went out to get him I suppose. 

"Sam? Winchester?" I asked confused. 

Why was he here? Where was Dean?

"I don't know," he said. I leaned against Luci as I let out another yawn. My head was pounding. 

"Hey, Cas," Sam said as he walked in. I had my eyes closed. 

"Luci, can you and Gabby get me something for my head?" I felt another kiss to my head and then I sat up opening my eyes and smiling at Sam as they left. "Hi," I mumbled, patting the bed. 

He sat down and turned to me. "Are you alright?" He asked me. 

"My head hurts. That's it really. Where's Dean?" I asked him feeling a little light headed. 

"You can lean on me. You don't look good at all," he said, turning so I could lean on his shoulder. "He's at school. Dad refuses to let him miss anymore school so he asked me to stay home and come visit you. He's worried," he said to me.

Gabriel and Lucifer walked back into my room with water but no pills. 

"Where are my?" I trailed off. They looked at me apologetic. 

"Ever since you... Got better, dad threw them out. He didn't think you would ever need them again," Luci explained. 

I rarely get sick. Whenever I do, it's terrible. My head pounds and I throw up all the time and it's just terrible. I always get like this after cutting. Or drawing blood for the first time in a night.

I would be fine if it was a pattern after I got over that first sickness but I haven't done anything like that in probably 4 months. Up until last night.

"Oh, okay. Thank you," I mumbled. They walked out of my room leaving Sam and I alone again. 

"What was that about?" He asked curiously. 

"I have a problem. I don't really get sick but when I do it's terrible and it always starts out like this," I say before sitting back up. "Why is he worried?" I asked. 

"He refuses to believe it but he likes you back. I can tell. Lisa broke up with him yesterday," he started to explain. 

"I'm sorry, that sucks," I say sympathetically. 

"He's fine. But apparently your brother called him literally ten minutes or so after that all went down and he heard you whimper or something and when he told me, he didn't even care about Lisa breaking up with him. He wanted to know if you were okay," he finished explaining. I only nodded. I couldn't really concentrate too much really reply. 

I felt the need to throw up suddenly and I started pointing to the trash can on the other side of my room. 

"The trash can?" He asked slowly getting up. 

"I'm going to puke..." I said quickly, covering my mouth with my hand. Sam instantly ran over and grabbed it before handing it to me. 

Almost instantly, I emptied my stomach into the can. I felt a hand on my back, patting it. 

"I'm not going to get sick again am I?" He joked slightly but I also knew it had some truth to it. 

I chuckled a little bit after I finished. 

"It's not contagious, don't worry," I assured him. He smiled at me before his phone went off.

"It's Dean. Of course," he rolled his eyes but opened the text. He held it to where I could see it. 

How is he? Is he okay? Goddammit Sammy answer me! -Dean.

I felt special. 

I've never been cared abut this much by someone other than my family. 

Suddenly his phone started ringing. He held it out to me, making me answer. 

"Hello?" I coughed. 

"Cas!" Dean's voice filled the speaker and I found myself smiling but my head pounded hard. 

"Shh... Headache.." I mumbled. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay?" He asked concerned. 

"I'll be fine," I tell him. I heard a knock on my door and my father came in.

"I had your brothers go out and buy you more," he told me, handing me the tablets. 

"Thank you, father," I said. "Hold on, Dean. I need to take medicine," I handed the phone back to Sam who then started to talk. I grabbed the water and drowned the pills before swallowing. 

"Okay, Dean. Yes, okay! Dean get back to class before dad finds out!" With that, Sam hung up the phone. "He says bye," he laughed. 

I only smiled. We sat there for a while in silence, not knowing exactly what to say.

"So, he likes me?" I asked, feeling my back start to burn. He looked at me and smiled big. 

"Most definitely."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, Guys.
> 
> Is everyone enjoying this? I hope so.
> 
> Anyway. Enjoy reading. (:
> 
> -AliBama.xo

+-+-3 Days Later.-+-+

"Gabby..." I was crying again. I was slowly starting to get better but it's taking forever. 

I haven't talked to anyone outside of my family. 

"Castiel," he sighed. We were on my floor again. Luci had left yesterday because he needed to go take a test but he was coming back in a few days. 

"I-I'm hot..." I said feeling like I was sweating a bunch. He sat up and sat me up, pulling my shirt off for me and laid me back down without the cover. I felt helpless but he knows when I'm like this I can barely do anything on my own. 

My phone rang.

It kept ringing, neither Gabby or I would pick it up. 

It was probably just Dean. 

Not that I didn't want to talk to him it's just that I've been crying non-stop these days and I didn't want him to hear. 

"He texted you," Gabby whispered. 

"Okay," I yawned. I curled closer to my brother as I heard father running around the house. I had no idea what he was looking for and I didn't care. 

I heard a familiar car pull into the driveway but really didn't register it. I was still hot but only my top was uncovered. I had my arms around Gabriel's waist, hugging him tightly because my head still hurt really badly.

His breathing always calmed me down. 

"Are you feeling any better?" Gabby asked, kissing my head. I just shook mine. 

"Castiel! Company!" Father yelled. I don't thing Gabriel heard him though. I heard footsteps coming closer and the door started to open. 

The next thing I knew was the cover flying over me quickly and there was a small gasp. 

"Gabriel! It's too hot fo-" I rolled over and saw Dean standing there with a really confused and worried face. "He saw it didn't he?" I whispered to Gabby who bit his lip and nodded. 

"What was that?" Dean asked. I was speechless.

How in the world was I supposed to explain what it was?! At least it's not in English so he can't read it. 

"Uh... I..." I trailed off, coughing and looking at Gabby for help. 

"He can't tell you yet," he says suddenly. 

"Why? I want to know what happened to your back, Cas!" He said louder. Gabby stood up and walked up to Dean who walked back into the wall. 

"Gabby, don't," I warned. I sneezed after which distracted them both. 

"Bless you," they both said. 

"Listen, he doesn't have to tell you anything okay? Do not force my little brother to tell you or do anything. I will kill you painfully slow," Gabby threatened. 

"I-okay. I won't," Dean stuttered.

Not this again. 

"Gabriel!" I screeched. He did this to my only friend at my last school. "Please, stop!" I said, voice shaking. 

"Shit.." I heard him muttered before he stepped away from Dean and turned back to me. "Cas, I'm sorry I just-" 

"Please just got get me my medicine," I mumbled, looking at him. He walked over an kissed my head. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered before walking out. I went to put my hands out but I remembered I didn't have a shirt on. 

"Can you hand me that long sleeve right there?" I asked motioning to the shirt laying on the floor. Dean walked over and grabbed it, handing it to me before sitting down in front of me. 

I slid the shirt on quickly over my arms but I couldn't get it over my head. I heard him chuckle a little bit as my cheeks flushed pink. 

"Need a little help?" He asked scooting closer. I shyly nodded and he scooted even closer and grabbed the bottom of my shirt, pulling it over my head for me. I felt his hands trail down the branding on my back, making it burn. 

He looked back up and our faces were really close. I felt my heart beat speed up by the second and my head started to stop hurting. 

There was something in his eyes as he kept his hands resting under my shirt on my waist. They were so captivating. I felt myself feeling a lot better as I stared at him. 

He kept glancing down at my lips making me bite my lower lip. 

Why am I so attracted to him?

I felt his hand start sliding up and under my shirt and I saw him start to lean forward inch by inch. 

My eyes widened. 

"Dean..." I whispered as our noses brushed.

"Hmm?" He hummed looking into my eyes. He trailed his hand up and down my chest and I let out a shaky breath. 

"I-I.. I'm sick," I mumbled, not wanting him to move but also too scared to kiss him. There was a small smirk on his lips. 

"I don't care. I feel confident and this only happens once so..." He trailed off before smashing his lips onto mine.

I froze. 

I never kissed anyone before.

I never thought I would. 

Especially not a guy.

I felt him push a little trying to get me to respond which I finally closed my eyes and started to kiss him back to my best ability. 

I knew Gabriel was standing in the doorway. I could tell he was there. 

I could also tell that he was smirking. 

Dean pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine. I opened my eyes slowly only to look into those beautiful eyes of his. 

Dean smiled at me and what he said next shocked me. 

"I think I'm gonna do that more often."


	10. Chapter 10

"Are you sure you want to go, Castiel? I'll let you stay home while Gabriel is still here," father asked as I walked down stairs and heard Dean's car pull up.

It was snowing. 

"I can go, father. Dean's here already anyway," I smiled at his name. 

Ever since that kiss I've always smiled when I thought about him. He asked me out a little bit afterwards and so now I have a boyfriend! My first ever relationship!

"Alright. I'm going to be out today so if you feel bad again, call your brother," I nodded and kissed Gabby's head considering he was still sleeping before I grabbed my coat, threw it on and walked out after grabbing my bag. 

I got into the back seat of the impala and Dean started pulling out of my driveway. 

"Hey, Cas," Sam said with a smile. 

"Hello," I said back, coughing a little. 

"How are you feeling?" Dean asked glancing back at me in the mirror. 

"Better. A lot better," I said with a chuckle. The car ride to school was silent for the most part. 

When we finally pulled up, Sam got out of the car and jogged over to Jessica. I was about to get out when Dean reached back and grabbed my hand.

"Yes?" I asked, looking at him.

"Get up here," he said simply. I got out and got back into the passenger seat and faced him.

"May I help you?" I teased. He smiled and leaned forward. 

"Yes you may," he said with a smirk. 

"With what, sir?" I asked, playing along. 

"I would like to kiss someone right now but I don't know who. Who should I kiss?" He asked, leaning closer. 

"Hmm. Maybe that girl over there?" I teased pointing to a girl waiting for her friends. 

"Not my ballpark," he whispered. 

"Oh, in that case," I trailed off, closing the distance between us. Our lips moved together as one and my back started tingling. 

He pulled back with a smile. 

"God, I will never get used to that," he laughed. I smiled back at him. We got out of his car he walked right beside me but didn't hold my hand. It's understandable though. 

"How was your day yesterday?" I asked, making small talk.

"It was good. Sammy and I went to the gun range actually," he stated with a smile. It's amazing how much he loves his brother. 

"Fun," I said happily. We stayed silent for about two minutes before he said something. 

"How have you never had a boyfriend or girlfriend and know that you are gay?" He asked genuinely curious.

"I'm not sure. It has something to do with my back though," I explained slightly. 

"I'm not pressuring you or anything so don't go home and tell Gabriel I am because I don't wanna murdered," he joked. I laughed a little. "But like, what was that on your back and what language was it in?" He asked. 

"I can't really tell you yet. There's a certain time I have to tell you. We may not even get to that time but we never know," I started. We got closer to Sam and Jess who were kissing. "It's not English, obviously. It's Enochian. It's a really old language," I explained. 

"Oh. Alright," he said contently. He turned to Sam and Jess and smirked. "There's a clown over right behind you," he whispered to Sam who then freaked out and turned around.

Dean was laughing along with Jess and I was just smiling. Sam was glaring at Dean.

"You're such a jerk!" He pouted. 

"And you're such a bitch!" Dean mocked him.

"Go take your boyfriend and go somewhere else. I'm mad at you," he pouted even more. Jess grabbed his hand and hugged him. 

"It's alright, baby. He was just playing," she said to him. Dean turned to me with a smile. 

"My work here is done. Shall we go?" He smiled. I nodded. 

"Bye Sam, Jess," I said and they both waved at me.

We walked into the school and headed off to our classes. 

Lunch finally came around and I walked in to see Dean with his head down on the table. 

I started to walk towards him when I started to hear what some people were saying.

"Hey, there's the fag!"

"Why is he always in that coat? It's ugly."

"Oh look, he's going to his fag of a boyfriend, Dean Winchester!"

That one got my attention majorly. I already head all of the other things at my old school which makes me worried this school will be the same but they started to insult Dean. 

My Dean.

"Don't call him that," I said to the person. 

"Look guys! This fag is standing up for his boyfriend! How sweet," they all laughed. I felt the anger build up inside of me. 

"I said, don't call him that. Call me one all you want, I'm used to it. Do NOT. Call Dean one," I growled. 

"Or what?" One of them asked snottily. 

"C'mon guys! Dean is a fag! Dean is a fag! Dean is a fag!" They started chanting. I looked over at Dean who was starting to get up.

"Stop," I growled. I had my fists clenched but they only got louder. The guy was screaming in my face which let me have a perfect shot at his jaw. 

He fell to the ground and there were gasps everywhere. 

"Oh you little bitch!" He yelled, swiping my feet from beneath me. He climbed on top of me and started to throw punches at my face.

I was going to let it happen because I was used to this. But he was thrown off of me and I was being picked up almost instantly. 

"MISTER TYLER. IN MY OFFICE, RIGHT NOW," Mr. Winchester's voice boomed. I felt my eyes start watering but I refused to let them see. 

"Hey, are you alright?" I couldn't tell who it was though. The figure looked like Sam but the voice sounded like Dean.

"Who are you?" I asked confused as he helped me walk towards the bathroom.

"Babe, it's me," then the figure changed. It was Dean.

"Oh," I mumbled. "They were calling you a fag and I didn't like it so I-" he cut me off with a soft kiss. 

"Don't worry. Thank you for sticking up for me," he smiled. I looked down before I felt myself actually let go of the tears as soon as we walked into the bathroom. "Hey, baby, it's okay," he tried. I just shook my head. 

"It's happening all over again!" I cried. I pushed him away from me, not even bothering to look in the mirror before I slid down the wall and brought out my phone. 

"Castiel, I'm right here okay?" He said, bending down in front of me. I quickly pressed 3 and then call as I cried and gripped onto Dean's hand tightly. 

"Castiel? I thought you were in school?" Luci answered. 

"A-are you h-home yet?" I choked out. 

"I'm on my way. Cas, what happened? Where are you?" He asked extremely worried. 

"T-the boy's bathroom w-with D-Dean," I told him as Dean sat next to me after getting a wet paper towel and started cleaning my busted lip and cheek. 

"It happened again, didn't it?" He sighed. 

"Mhm," I winced in pain at the contact of the paper towel on the cut. 

"I'll be there in thirty minutes okay? Father says the principal said you could stay in his office any time if you need okay?" I told him a quick okay before I hung up. Dean reached up and threw away the paper towel before he helped me up. 

"Dad's office?" He asked. I nodded as I tried to wipe the tears away but it wasn't working. 

I clung to his side with a death grip as we exited the bathroom. There was a crowd by the door and I instantly shoved my face into his shoulder. 

This always happened at my old school. But everyone would make fun of me as I left the bathroom. I didn't have anywhere to hide but now I do. 

I tried so hard to ignore the snotty remarks at us but it was sinking through my ears. We finally got there and Dean knocked on the door, the secretaries not even caring. 

"Come in," I heard him yell. Dean opened the door and we both walked in. "Castiel," he said standing up. I lifted my head up a little, ignoring the pounding. "Are you okay?" He asked, inspecting my cheek and lip. 

I only shrugged. I didn't trust my voice. 

"His brother is coming to get him in about a half an hour," Dean explained. 

"You two both can stay in here. I'll tell your teacher that you're helping me, Dean," he nodded and led me to a couch in the corner of the room. I let go of him and instantly curled up on the couch. Dean managed to squeeze behind me and the couch and pull me close to him.

"Try to sleep, Cas. It'll help," he whispered. I turned to face him and latched onto his shirt.

"Don't let it happen again," I said shakily into his chest. He tightened his grip. 

"Whatever it is. I won't let it happen again," he pressed his lips to my head but kept them there. 

I closed my eyes, reliving the terrors of my old school. 

Falling asleep with my face buried in Dean's chest and clenching his shirt. 

I didn't even think I was clenching that tight until he set his hand on mine and pulled it away a bit. I let go and laced our fingers together. 

"Sorry," was the last think I remember saying before falling asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've never done anything like this before," I admitted embarrassedly.

I felt myself being laid down on something. I didn't know if it was my bed or not though.

I opened my eyes and saw Dean's back. He was talking with Luci and his father. 

"He just broke down like almost instantly when we stepped into the bathroom. He said 'it was happening again.' I didn't know what he meant but I told him that I wouldn't let it happen again," I heard Dean explain. I stayed quiet. 

"Dean, thank you. Please keep that promise to my little brother okay?" Luci had said as I saw him grab Dean's shoulders. 

"I plan on it," he answered back. 

"Mmmm," I moaned as I yawned. 

All of them turned around and looked at me. 

"Hey, Cas," Dean bent down and smoothed my hair out of my face. 

"Hi," I mumbled. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. 

"Castiel," Luci started. "How are you, little bro?" He asked. I only shrugged. "You ready to go home?" I nodded and he smiled sadly at me before turning back around to Dean's father. 

"Thank you again," he said shaking both Dean and his father's hands. 

"Bye, Cas. I'll be over after school okay?" I only nodded before he shut the door and Luci got in and we were off. 

"Why didn't you call Gabriel?" He asked after a minute. 

"I meant to but I hit yours instead," I mumbled softly. My head hurt. 

"Okay," he replied. 

It was silent as I stared up at the ceiling of the car. I didn't realize we were home until Luci said something. 

"Cas, we're home," he said as he opened my door. I sat up and got out, ignoring my head. 

"I'll be in my room," I told him as I took off my shoes and started towards the stairs. A hand grabbed my wrist, turning me around. 

It was Gabriel. 

"You're staying down here with us or we're coming up with you. You're not getting left alone, Castiel," he said sternly. I felt tears come back to my eyes and a lump form in my throat. 

"Did Lucifer tell you?" I asked, voice wavering. He nodded and that's when I lost it. 

"Shh," Gabriel pulled me close as I cried. 

"It's all happening again! They're going to start bullying me!" I yelled into his chest. I felt a hand tracing the marks on my back through my coat. 

"Dean won't let it happen. He promised," Luci tried. I clutched at Gabby's shirt tightly as my body shook. 

"Castiel," father's voice came from my left. I looked up, struggling for breath, looking at him. "We can move again if you're scared," he said. I instantly nodded out of habit. I wasn't even thinking about Dean when I did so. "Alright. Lucifer, help me look for houses please?" And with that, they went into father's bedroom.

Gabby sat me down on the couch with him and cuddled me close. 

We sat like that until there was a knock on the door. Gabby got up and answered it only to have Dean walk in. He sat down where Gabby was and pulled me close. 

"I'm going to help father and Luci," Gabby said. I didn't answer, only cuddled closer to Dean's body. 

Then I realized. 

"WAIT! GABRIEL!" I yelled suddenly. I couldn't move. I couldn't leave Dean here. He was the only way I could earn my wings. 

"Yeah?" He asked, popping his head back through. 

"Tell them to stop. We can't," I said to him, voice hoarse. He gave me a questioning look. "My back," I said and he instantly understood. He left the room again, leaving Dean and I alone. 

"How are you, baby?" He asked as I got comfortable again. 

"Been worse," I mumbled. "You?"

"I'm okay. I'm just glad you're okay," he smiled and kissed my nose. 

"Yeah," I said with a small yawn. 

"Tired?" He asked. I shook my head. 

"Just tired of crying really," I said jokingly but truthfully. 

"I understand," he responded. 

I stood up and held my hand out. 

"Where are we going?" He asked, taking my hand. 

"My room. We can cuddle on my bed," I whispered. There was a small smirk on his face but I didn't understand why. I ignored it and dragged him to my room. 

When we walked in, I shut the door behind us and closed my curtains because the light was making my head hurt even more. Dean too off his shoes as I crawled on the bed after taking my coat off. 

I would've taken my shirt off but I didn't want him to see my arms. Not yet. 

He crawled beside me, wrapping an arm around my waist and tangling our legs together. Our noses were touching and he was looking into my eyes as if I was the most beautiful thing ever created. 

"You are though," he whispered, lips grazing mine which gave me butterflies. I was confused. 

"What?" I asked. 

"You were thinking out loud," he chuckled.

"Oh," was all I said before smiling softly.

He stared into my eyes before pressing his lips to mine and shifting so his knee was against my crotch. 

The kiss stopped the moan from escaping as he slowly ground his knee against me. 

I broke away and let out a soft moan as he slowly got faster. I opened my eyes to see his questioning ones. As if asking me if it was okay.

"I've never done anything like this before," I admitted embarrassedly. 

"It's okay. I just wanna get you off. Is that okay?" He asked, kissing my cheeks and forehead as he slowed his knee. 

"Y-yeah," I stuttered. He pressed a soft quick kiss to my lips before rolling so he was on top of me. He moved his legs to either side of me and sat on my pelvis before slowly rotating his hips. 

I let out a breathy moan as I clenched my fists at my side. He picked up the pace, soft moans leaving his mouth as well. He leaned down so he could kiss me if he wanted and I let my hands rest on his waist. 

His hard on was rubbing on mine through our clothes and it felt amazing. 

As he got faster, I felt a coil in my stomach getting closer and closer. 

"Cas, fuck, you're perfect," he whispered in my ear before he started nibbling on it. 

"D-Dean," I moaned as I felt it getting closer. I didn't know what it meant but I didn't want it to go away. 

"Fuck, baby. I'm close," his hips suddenly went faster than before and I let out a gasp, throwing my head back as I felt the coiling feeling take over. "That's right. Cum for me, baby," he whispered. 

"Dean!" I moaned out maybe a little to loud but I didn't care at that moment. My vision went white for a second before his hips suddenly stuttered and halted tightly against mine. He was quiet for a second before he let out a low moan. 

"Fuck," he panted. I felt my body jerk a bit and a wet spot on my pants. I opened my eyes and saw him smiling down at me, a bit sweaty. 

"Wow," I whispered letting my hands fall to my sides. He chuckled, sitting back up and looking down. 

"We've made a mess in our pants, Castiel," he said with a sly smile. 

"We should probably change then," I mumbled shyly. He nodded and got off me.

"Do you have any sweatpants or something I can borrow?" He asked. I stood up and walked towards my dresser to grab two pairs of sweatpants that used to be my brother's. I threw them at Dean before walking towards the bathroom. 

"I'll be out in a second," I told him, which he nodded to as he started to take his pants off. I shut the door and changed my pants quickly without focusing on the scars. 

I walked back out to see Dean putting his pants and boxers with his shoes. I looked at the door to see a piece of paper on the ground. I walked over and picked it up before walking back to Dean and sitting next to him feeling sleepy. 

I leaned against his shoulder. 

"What's that?" He asked, wrapping his arm around my waist. 

"Not sure," I said in mid yawn. I opened it up only to feel my face go tomato red and Dean laugh. 

Next time, make sure you tone down the volume baby brother. >;) -Luci and Gabby.xoxoxo


	12. Chapter 12

"Do you want to go to school today?" Father asked after he shook me awake.

"No, but I will," I told him with a yawn. I felt his hand run through my hair, pushing it back before he got up.

"Dean and Sam are downstairs by the way. Dean's quite the charmer isn't he?" He said as he walked out. I found myself smiling without realizing it. 

I sat up and ran my own hands through my hair, flinching because I really needed a shower. 

I quickly got up, grabbed my usual clothes and headed towards my bathroom. I turned the water on and took off my clothes, waiting for the water to warm up. I stared at myself in the mirror. 

Ugly. 

Fat. 

Destroyed. 

How does Dean like me?

I bit back the tears and quickly jumped in the shower, letting the water wash over my body. I let the tears fall as I looked down at my arms to see all the scars. 

I started to reach for my razor I kept hidden in the shower before shaking my head and washing up. I got out and put my clothes on and then went downstairs after grabbing my coat from my room. 

"Cas!" Sam saw me first. I was rubbing my eyes. 

"Hi," I whispered. I opened my eyes back and saw Dean and father weren't in there. "Where's father and Dean?" I asked as I sat down in between my brothers. 

"They went outside for a minute," Gabby answered. I only nodded. 

"How are you, Sam?" I asked making small talk.

"I'm pretty good. Don't really want to be up right now but what can we do?" He laughed. I smiled. 

"I understand," I chuckled. 

"So how was last night, Cassie?" Luci teased. I felt my face heat up and I instantly looked down at my hands that were folded in my lap. 

"Who knew you would be loud with how quiet you are," Gabby said with a laugh. My face felt as if it was going to burn off. 

"Wait. Did you and Dean..." Sam trailed off and my head shot up and I instantly started shaking it. 

"N-no. He uh," I stuttered. I didn't know what to say. Just then, Dean walked in and stopped in the doorway as he saw my face. 

"What's going on?" He asked walking in a little bit. 

"What didn't you tell me about yesterday?" Sam smirked. Sean's mouth formed a little 'o'. 

"I just helped him out a bit," he said as he pulled me off the couch. 

"Dean," Sam chuckled. "You didn't harass the poor boy, did you?"

Dean played offended. 

"How dare you think I would do that!" He gasped. I laughed along with my brothers. 

"Shouldn't we go?" I asked. Sam and Dean nodded.

"You boys go ahead. Castiel, your brother's have to tell you something," father said suddenly. I didn't even realize he walked back in. 

"Oh, okay," I mumbled. I watched as Dean and Sam closed the door behind themselves and Gabriel and Lucifer was looking down. 

"Cassie," Gabby started. 

"We're leaving," Luci said. I furrowed my eyebrows. 

"For how long?" I asked feeling a pit in my stomach. 

"Four or five years," they both said. I stayed quiet. 

"We're both being drafted and after that, we have been accepted to go on a 3 year trip to England," Gabby stated. My eyes widened. 

"D-drafted?" I stuttered. 

"We're sorry, Cassie. We're leave later tonight," Luci said, hugging me. Gabby joined in and hugged me tightly as well. 

"I-I'm going to go," I whispered. I didn't say bye before I closed the door. I saw Sam and Dean leaning against the car doors. 

"Cas?" Dean said worried. He must've seen the sadness on my face. 

"Can we just go? Please?" I asked quickly getting in the car. 

They both got in and it was a silent ride to school. 

When we got there, I was the first to get out and instantly I was called a fag. 

I kept my head down, leaving Dean behind with Sam. I heard laughter all around me as I made my way towards the school. 

I was almost in the doors when a hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me back, making me stumble down the steps. 

"Don't hurt me!" I said thinking it was someone who was going to hit me. I flinched away before I actually opened my eyes to see Dean looking at me shocked. 

"You think I would hurt you?" He asked slightly hurt. 

Shoot. I messed up. 

"Dean, I'm sorry. It's just a reflex," I admitted. I walked with him around to where Jess and Sam were. 

"What's up with you?" He asked me. 

"I- nothing," I started but stopped. 

"Castiel," he said sternly. I bowed my head. "I know that's a lie. Please tell me. I want to help," he pleaded. 

"My brother's are getting drafted! I'm not going to see them for 5 years! I can't handle that again!" I broke. I didn't cry but there was a lump in my throat. 

Just before he replied, the bell rang. 

"I'll see you at lunch," I mumbled, running off and into the school. 

I sat down in my first period and put my head down, ignoring the insults like I normally did. 

Today was going to be a long day.

"What do you mean you have to leave now?! Gabriel! You told me not until later!" I screeched as I talked to my brother on the phone. I was sitting alone when he called me. 

"I'm sorry, Castiel. They want us now. I'll go by your school and call you down to say bye, okay?" He tried. I was fiercely wiping away tears that formed in my eyes as Dean, Sam and Jess sat down. 

"I don't want to not see you for five years again," I whispered, letting some fall. I don't think they realized I was there to be honest. 

"I know, Bub. We'll be back in no time alright? You have father and Dean okay? We'll be by in about a half an hour," I didn't say anything. I just hung up and slammed my phone down on the table, not really caring if it cracked or not. The talking had stopped. 

I pulled at my hair and wiped my eyes again.

"Cas?" Jess' voice said from beside me. I looked up at her and smiled softly. "Are you alright?" She rubbed my back soothingly. 

"I'm fine. My brother's are being drafted tonight and I am just tired of crying," I admitted. She didn't say anything and I felt a foot on mine. I looked up to see Dean staring at me. "What?" I asked, ignoring the tears welling up. 

"I'm here okay?" He said after a minute. 

"I know," I told him. It was a silent lunch for the most part with us. None of us talked and I felt bad about that. 

The bell was about to ring when I got called into the office. I made my way down there with Dean. He had intertwined our fingers together on the walk and it made my heart feel a lot better. 

"Hey, Cassie," Luci said standing along with Gabby. I looked at them before letting go of Dean's hand to hug them both. 

"I love you. Please don't forget that. Come back alive please. And if one of you do die," I paused feeling the lump again. "The other has to come back and tell us themselves," I finished. Their arms wrapped around me. 

"We love you too, Cas. And we'll write every time we can okay?" Gabby assured. I nodded against their shoulders before letting go. 

"Stay safe. I love you," I whispered. Luci brought his hand up and wiped my tears away. 

"We love you too," with that, they both kissed my forehead before walking towards Dean. 

"Dean Winchester. If I hear from Cas that you ever hurt him, I will be back here for you," Gabby threatened. I saw him gulp and nod. 

"Same goes for me. Don't hurt our little brother. He's way more fragile than you think," Luci finished before they both left. 

"Sorry," I said as I grabbed his hands and pulled him out of the office. 

"It's okay," he responded with a small smile. He leaned over and kissed my cheek as we walked to class. "They'll be okay. Just wait and see," he whispered to me. 

I nodded before looking per at him. "Can I come over today?" I asked wanting to keep my mind away from my brother's leaving. 

Dean thought about it for a second before nodding. "Yeah. But we can't go into Sammy's room. We're... Redecorating," he sounded hesitant on the word but I didn't think anything of it and nodded. 

\---------------------------------------

"I'm going home with Jess today!" Sam said as we headed to his car. 

"Alright, Sammy! Get some!" Dean called making me chuckle and Sam flip him off. 

I got into the passenger seat and Dean got in the drivers seat. 

"Would you like to go to mine or go somewhere else?" He asked me. I cocked an eyebrow. 

"What do you have in mind?" I asked curiously. He smirked. 

"Pick one," he insisted. 

"Something else, I suppose?" I questioned as I texted father saying I was with Dean. 

"Perfect," was the only thing he said before we were off. 

Driving down the highway towards an area I didn't know, listening to some music blare through the radio with our hands locked together. 

The scenery was flying by in a blur. I found myself smiling as I got lost with nature. 

I still didn't know where we were going. Right now though?

I was content just like this.


	13. Chapter 13

I scurried around the house with Jess.

"Sam! Where are they going?" She asked me as she helped me. 

"Dean is taking him to an amusement park today!" I told her as dad helped me carry the table outside. 

"And what exactly is he planning on doing? Like. When is this al taking place?" She asked, leaning on the doorway.

"Sam, Jess, I have to go to a school board meeting. I'll be back at about nine okay?" We both nodded and then he left. 

"Well, he wants to do it tomorrow. But I don't know if he's going through with it. He wants to take Cas on a date day pretty much. Then he's going to have him sleep over here and they're going to be all romantic according to him," I explained. Jess was smiling. 

"How cute!" She squealed. I laughed and walked toward her, wrapping my arms around her waist. 

"Do you want me to do something like that for you?" I whispered, leaning my forehead against hers. She wrapped her arms around my neck and smiled up at me. 

"I would," she said with confidence. I leaned down and kissed her softly. 

"Maybe some other time, babe. Right now, we're here alone and I feel we should take this to advantage," I winked making her giggle. 

I picked her up and started up the stairs. 

"I love you," she whispered. 

"I love you too."

-Castiel's POV.-

"Where are we going?" I asked for like the millionth time. Dean sighed annoyed before pulling into a small side road and stopped before looking at me. 

"Are you just going to keep asking me that until you get an answer?" He asked, grabbing my face. I smiled. 

"Yes," I said happily. 

"Oh my god. Can't you wait?" He whined. 

"Nope. You sound like my bro..." I trailed off as I remembered they were drafted today. Dean studied my face as my smile fell. 

"Hey, they'll be okay. Don't worry," he said cupping my cheek. I just stared at him. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine softly. I kept my eyes closed and forehead against his. 

"I hope they both come back," I mumbled. 

"They will. And if one of them doesn't, I'll be here for you," he assured me. I nodded and looked him in the eyes. 

My back started to tingle as we stared at each other. 

I felt the need to tell him everything. 

"Dean? Where are we going?" I asked after a second. "I want to see if it's a place we can talk," I finished so he wouldn't be annoyed. 

"Well. We're going to be alone tomorrow because you're all mine tomorrow okay? I have tickets for an amusement park though today," he said. I nodded and grabbed his hand again, squeezing it tightly. "We can talk tomorrow," he told me as he started to drive again.

I sat there thinking about what I would say to him tomorrow. 

Should I really tell him?

We stepped into the gate and I found myself smiling. It's been so long since I've been to an amusement park. 

"What do you want to do first?" Dean asked from beside me. I looked around and saw a small ride. I grabbed his hand and started to drag him towards it. 

"This one," I said as I pulled him in line. I went to let go of his hand so we wouldn't get funny looks but he gripped mine tighter. 

"Who cares what other people think?" He whispered. I couldn't help but smile as we got on the ride. 

\---------------------------------------

It was almost 11 pm and I had a bunch of missed calls from father. I was worn out. 

"Dean," I yawned. He looked at me just as I felt my knees give in.

"Ye- Woah!" He said as his arms wrapped around me. "Are you okay?" He asked me. We were in the middle of the parking lot and not a lot of people were still here. 

"Yeah. Just tired. I haven't walked that much in a while," I mumbled against his neck. He tilted his head away from me just a bit as he picked up my legs. "What're you doing?" I asked looking at his face. 

"Carrying you to my car," he smiled and kissed my nose. 

"Why?" I asked. I was confused. Why would he do this?

"Because I-" he cut himself off for a second but continued. "Don't want you falling and hurting your beautiful self," he smiled.

I felt myself blush and I buried my head in his neck again. I heard his breath hitch when I licked my lips, licking his neck slightly as well from how close I had my head to it. 

I managed to get enough courage to press my lips to his neck which made him stop for a second. I shifted slightly to get more comfortable before doing it again but this time, biting a little bit. 

Dean let out a shaky breath and I felt myself being sat down on the car. He pulled away and pressed his lips to might in a hungry kiss. I let moan slip from my mouth as he starting to grind against my leg.

"Fags!" I heard someone shout. Dean pulled away from me and we looked over to see a group of guys about 20 years old or so looking at us with disgust. 

"Oh you're just jealous because he's mine!" Dean snorted. A few of the guys went wide eyed but the rest started walking towards us. I pulled out my phone as Dean turned around. 

"You wanna go, white boy?!" The main one, who happened to be black, said. I could tell Dean was smirking. 

"Sure why not? I mean. It's gonna be an easy fight because Gays always win," he said sassily. I text father, telling him that I was sorry for not calling him back and where I was before telling him that I'm staying at Dean's so he doesn't have to worry. 

"I think you got it wrong," the guy laughed. 

"Wanna test that theory then?" Dean offered. 

"Dean," I mumbled. 

"Don't worry, babe. There's still a few things I haven't told you about my past," and with that, right as Dean turned back around he ducked as the dude swung. "Oh look at that," Dean teased him. 

Dean swung and punched the dude right in the face which made him stumble. I jumped off, not really wanting to be here but not wanting to get into the car because Dean might get hurt. 

"You bitch!" The dude yelled before tackling Dean to the ground and started throwing punches. Dean was getting hit and every time I would wince. 

How could he stand that?

Suddenly, he threw him off and sat up, making sure he was stable. The guy stood up and flicked a finger at me before the other guys started walking towards me. My face filled with terror as I was pinned down to the car. I don't think Dean registered it. 

I let out a scream as one of them punched my stomach. I clenched my eyes closed as the hits kept coming. I know they were breaking cuts as they held me down. 

"Aww. Is one sensitive about their boyfriend?" Was all I heard before Dean started throwing the people off of me. 

"You can mess with me all the fuck you want. You touch my car or my boyfriend and I will fucking end you," he growled as he held me close to his body. There was a sudden sound of glass shattering before my arm was yanked and my sleeve was torn. My arm was exposed and it made who ever had my arm stop. 

"How tight did you hold him down, Alex?!" He screeched. 

"Not hard!" I'm guessing Alex yelled. I felt Dean let go of me before he tackled them to the ground. 

"HANDS OFF!" He screeched before there was a police officer who ran up.

"HEY!" He yelled which made everyone stop. I cradled my arm to my chest feeling queazy because I know I'll have to explain it to Dean and plus my stomach hurt. "What's going on here?!" He yelled. 

"These two fags were making out! That's what happened!" The one guy said. I honestly believe I just got secondhand embarrassment from that answer. 

"These douche bags decided it would be cool to pick a fight with me and then they touched him and broke the window in my car," Dean said as he stood up, helping the other guys up that he tackled. 

"I'll let you guys off with a warning but you have to pay for a window repair," he said pointing to the guy. Dean grabbed the money from the guy and started walking towards the car. I followed him and got in. 

He pulled away from the parking spot and we started on our way back home. 

His phone started ringing and he handed it to me. "It's dad," he said looking at the road. I grabbed the phone and answered it. 

"Hello?" I said into the speaker. 

"De- Castiel?" He seemed shocked. 

"Yes, sir," I told him. 

"Are you boys on your way home?" He asked. 

"Yes, sir. We just left," I said truthfully. 

"Alright. I'll keep the back door open then," he said. 

"Okay," I said back. We said our little goodbyes before I hung up. 

"Cas, how are your arms?" Dean asked when we stopped at an empty stop sign. 

"I-they're okay," I said nervously. 

"You sure? I saw what was on that arm. I just wouldn't know why you would ever want to hurt yourself that much," his voice got softer and he reached for my hand which I let him take. 

"It's a long story. One for tomorrow when we talk," I mumbled. 

"Alright," he said giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. 

The rest of the car ride was silent until we pulled into his driveway. I was almost asleep so as I got out, I stumbled everywhere. Dean walked around and grabbed my waist, pulling me flesh against him as we walked around back. 

We walked in and he turned around and closed the door, locking it in the process. He helped me up the stairs and he helped me out of my coat, shoes, and dress pants. I crawled under his covers, him not soon after, pulling my body close to his. I felt his very toned chest against my stomach and I smiled. 

"Night, babe," Dean whispered. I looked up, pressed a kiss to his lips. 

"Goodnight," I yawned, rolling over so he was spooning me. 

I fell asleep with one main thing on my mind. 

Should I actually tell him?


	14. Chapter 14

I woke up to a kiss. I opened my eyes and saw Dean pulling away. 

"Morning, sunshine. Happy Saturday," he whispered. I smiled and nodded before rubbing my eyes. "I went over to your house and got you some clothes. You dad said it was okay for you to stay with me again today but he wants us to stop by for a few," he said jumping up and pulling me up. 

"But your lip," I started. It was busted. 

"It's fine, Cas," he smiled. I nodded and got up going to change but feeling insecure honestly. And I didn't want him to see all my others. "Do you want me to leave?" He asked. I nodded shyly and he left, closing the door behind him. 

I quickly changed my clothes trying not to focus on the dried blood on my arm but it was almost impossible. I stood there without a shirt on just looking at the reopened cuts. 

"Cas? You good?" He called through the door. My eyes widened and I quickly threw the sleeves on my arms as the door opened before pulling it over my head. I looked up at Dean to see him staring at me with a smirk. 

"What?" I asked confused. 

"Your body is really sexy," he said moving towards me. I felt myself blush a dark color as he grabbed my hips, pressing them to his as he moved his in a small circle, kissing me. I moaned softly in his mouth as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He licked into my mouth and I let him.

"Ahem," I heard someone say making us break from each other rather quickly. My face was scarlet according to the mirror in Dean's room. It was Dean's father. "I see you boys are having fun," he said teasingly. 

"Sorry about that, dad," Dean said rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Just keep the door closed next time and use protection," he said which only made my blush worse. "You're as red as a tomato, Castiel. You alright?" He laughed. 

"Y-yeah," I smiled. Dean wrapped an arm around my waist.

"Okay. Anyway, your bother is over at Jessica's and I'm going to be shopping for his birthday okay?" He said. 

"Alright. Next time you go out for Sammy's birthday I'll go with you. Just got plans today," Dean smiled. 

"I understand. Have fun today boys and remember," he paused. "Protection," the door shut. I pushed my face into Dean's side which made him laugh. 

"We're not gonna do that stuff until you want to, babe," he said kissing my head. "But c'mon! Let's go to yours first and then I have somewhere to take you," he said pulling me out of his room. He waited for me to slip on my shoes before we both got into his Impala and started driving away. 

I walked into my house and saw father sitting on the couch. 

"Hi, father," I said with a smile. The house seemed empty seeing Gabby and Luci weren't here anymore. He looked up at me before standing. 

"Hello, Castiel. How are you?" He asked. He grabbed my arm and I let him roll up my sleeve considering Dean was still outside looking for something. He saw the dried blood and he looked at me. 

"Father, it's not what you think. Dean and I got into a fight with these guys yesterday and they were holding me down which broke them open. Dean only saw this arm," I explained. 

"Are you boys okay?" He asked suddenly worried. 

"Yes, sir," I told him truthfully. He smiled at me and rolled down my sleeve just as Dean walked in.

"What time do you have to be over there?" He asked. Dean walked beside me and grabbed my hand as we all sat down. 

"Not until noon," he said. 

"Where?" I asked curiously. Where was he taking me?

"Somewhere," he said with a smirk. I pouted and pulled my hand away from him before crossing them.

"You never tell me things!" I pouted. I heard father laugh as Dean attempted to grab at my hand again but I refused. 

"Well, you boys should be going before Castiel has a temper tantrum," father joked. I found myself smiling at the joke and hearing Dean laugh. His laugh was amazing. I looked over at him to see his eyes had crinkles next to them. 

He looked perfect. 

My back suddenly sent a surge of pain through me and I gasped, putting my hand on it. 

"Are you okay?" Father asked as Dean calmed down a bit and looked at me. 

"Yeah. Just my back," I said in that kind of tone. 

"Oh, well be careful boys. I'll want to know what happens today all tomorrow okay, Castiel?" He said changing the subject off my back. 

"Yes, sir," I told him as Dean and I walked out. "I love you!" I called just before he shut the door. 

"I love you too," he said back before he closed the door. 

Dean opened my door for me which earned a blush from me as I slid into the car. He shut it and got into the driver's seat. 

"Are you ready?" He asked as he buckled himself in for once. 

"Yes," I told him and he smiled reaching for my hand before pulling out of the driveway with a smile. 

"Step one, go."


	15. Chapter 15

We pulled up to an aquarium at around 11:30. I probably had the hugest smile on my face despite the pain in my back. 

It was bad so I chose to ignore it. 

"You like aquariums?" He asked as we walked to the door hand in hand. 

I nodded quickly as Dean gave him a piece of paper who smiled at us. 

"It's all yours, Mr. Winchester and Mr. Novak," he told us. I let out a small squeak and it felt if my smile got any bigger that it would fall right off. I grabbed Dean's wrist and started dragging him in all different directions. 

"Dean! Look!" I pointed into the dolphin cage. One of them swam up and was looking at me. I heard Dean laugh as he wrapped his arms around my waist which I immediately melted into his chest. 

I always felt so safe when Dean was with me. It's a feeling I'll probably never get used to honestly.

"How are you liking today?" He asked, pressing a soft kiss to the side of my neck. I sighed and leaned my head away to give him more access. 

"I like it so far. What time is it? I asked. He pulled away and pulled out his phone before showing me. 

2:30 pm.

"Woah, it feels like we just got here!" I said shocked. He laughed and pulled away from me all together before spinning me around and pressing his lips to mine. I was shocked but I melted into it, wrapping my arms around his neck. He grabbed my waist and pulled me as close as he possibly could. 

He worked my lips open with his tongue before they were rubbing together. I let out a small moan at the feeling. 

He pulled away, leaving a small trail of spit between our lips, and leaned his forehead against mine. He was smiling. A smile I never seen before. And the way he was looking at me. It was something I've never experienced before. 

I didn't know what it was. 

"You should smile like that more often," I told him. "It's beautiful," I whispered with a shy smile. I saw his cheeks turn a shade of pink and his smile got bigger. 

"It's for you anyway," he said before pressing his lips into a more calm and loving kiss. 

"C'mon," I said pulling away and grabbing his hand before I started running down an isle that we haven't went down yet. 

"Cas!" Dean laughed as he stumbled behind me.

We rounded the corner and I completely froze with my eyes wide. 

"Hey, you alri-" I cut Dean off with a giant squeal before letting go of his hand and running over to the big tank. I probably had the biggest smile on my face right now. 

"Dean! Look! It's an octopus!" I said pointing to the big one in the tank. "I loooooooove octopuses! I have ever since I was little when Gabriel and Lucifer and father took me to an aquarium for my 9th birthday!" I explained sitting in front of the tank just to watch it move. 

"So, what made you like them so much?" Dean asked curiously. He sat down next to me but was facing me. I turned to face him. 

"Well, Luci and father were off doing something like getting snacks or something so Gabriel was holding my hand. I was really short when I was 9 so they had to pick me up to let me see. And he had picked me up to look at the octopus in the tank and it went up to the glass and was staring at me and I put my hand on the glass and it put its tentacle there and Gabby told me he liked me! It's name was Oliver!" I explained excitedly. He was smiling at me and then I actually realized how much of a dork I was being. 

I lowered my shoulders and looked into my lap. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked worried. 

"I'm being a dork," I said to him. I felt lips press to my head. 

"I think it's cute," he told me which made me blush. I smiled up at him before looking at the tank again. 

"I may never get to come here with my brothers," I said in realization. I felt to hands grab mine. 

"They'll try their best. They have something to come home to. If I were there, I would be fighting really carefully because I would have you and Sammy," he explained. I looked back at him. 

"But what if they don't make it?" I said feeling a lump form in my throat. 

"I'll be here okay? Right when you need me, I'll be with you," he promised. I nodded, not wanting to think about it anymore. 

"What're we doing after this?" I asked curiously, wiping my eyes.

"Movie. There's a new one out and I figured we'd go see it," he smiled. I smiled back at him. 

"What is it?" I asked. He sat there for a second as if trying to remember what it was called. 

"Oculus I think?" He questioned. I couldn't help but laugh. 

"You can't even remember!" I laughed. He laughed along. 

"Yeah but I figured we wouldn't really pay attention anyway," he smirked, leaning forward and pecking my lips. 

"Oh? And what would we be doing?" I asked curiously. He smirked even more. 

"I mean, if we're the only ones there..." He trailed off, hand trailing towards my area. I gasped when he grabbed me before pulling away. 

"Gosh, I hate you," I said shakily. He only laughed before standing up and pulling me up after. I walked to the glass tank and put my hands on it. 

The octopus swam up and pressed itself against the glass. "I wonder what it's name is," I said out loud. 

"Says here that his name is Oliver," Dean said and I gasped. 

"OLIVER! THIS WAS THE ONE I WENT TO!" I said really loud before jumping onto Dean. He caught me as I hugged him. "Dean! It's Oliver! The one who likes me!" I said happily. 

"Yay!" He laughed, holding onto my ass so I wouldn't fall.

"Carry me!" I told him which he obeyed and started walking.

I looked down and saw Dean's phone in his back pocket so I reached down slowly, trying to make sure he didn't notice much. 

I slowly put my hand into his back pocket which made him freeze for a second. 

"What're you doing, babe?" He asked into my ear. 

"Nothing," I told him with a kiss on the neck before I pulled his phone out. 

"Hey! What're you doing with my phone?" He asked as I wiggled out of his grip and plopped to the ground before starting to run from him. "Hey!" I heard his footsteps running after me which made me laugh. 

I went around a few corners and sat down before unlocking his phone considering he told me his password was my name. 

Not smart.

I started to scroll through his contacts and got to mine first. 

Cassie

I couldn't help but smile. I scrolled down more and saw Lisa's contact too. 

Lisa;)

I frowned slightly at that. I thought they broke up? Didn't they?

Suddenly, Dean popped up and scared me. 

"Oh my lord!" I screeched before hitting his chest. He was laughing as he sat down next to me. I smiled at him shyly. 

"Can I have my phone please?" He asked, kissing my nose. I slowly handed it back to him and he must've saw something was wrong because his facial expression went to worry. "What's wrong?" He asked. 

"Are you and Lisa still together?" I asked. His eyes went wide before he snorted. 

"No! She broke up with me about a week before we got together," he smiled. 

"But her contact-" I cut myself off feeling like I was getting clingy. 

"I haven't changed it. I haven't done anything to my contacts every since I changed yours," he assured. 

"Oh. I'm sorry. I just, don't know how to act in relationships when it comes to things like this and I'm just new to everything and I don't want to lose you and I'm scared I'll do something that will make you leave and I really don't know if I could take that because-" lips pressed to mine, cutting me off. 

"You're not gonna lose me, Cas. Don't worry," he told me in a serious tone before getting up and pulling me up. "C'mon. Let's make our way to the movies, shall we?" I nodded and gripped onto his hand. 

Thank you for stopping me from saying something I'd regret.

\-----------

We pulled away from the aquarium in silence. 

"What're you thinking about?" Dean asked, breaking the silence as we drove down the highway. 

"My brothers," I told him truthfully. He put his hand on my thigh and squeezed it slightly. 

"They'll be okay," he assured. I could only nod though. I felt like I wasn't going to be that lucky to have both of them come back. 

I glanced over at Dean to see he wasn't looking at me and was paying attention to the road. I lifted my sleeve, the one to the arm Dean knew about, and just stared at it. 

I've been having urges lately but I haven't been able to do anything because I've been around people all the time. 

I shook my head and pulled it down before I clawed myself. 

The ride was silent for the most part. 

It wasn't until we pulled into the theatre parking lot when Dean decided to talk.

"I may not know what really goes through that pretty head of yours, but I can tell when something is bothering you. It'll be okay. If things don't work out, I'll be here okay?" He told me with his hands on my face. I found myself nodding at his words before he leaned forward and kissed me. "Let's go see what movies are there, shall we?" I nodded again before we both got out of the car. 

We walked side by side into the movie theatre but we weren't holding hands. 

We walked up to the cashier lady and got two tickets to the movie that was less likely to have people in it. 

We walked in after getting a drink and the whole thing was empty. I felt a smile grow as Dean grabbed my hand and led me to the very top of the place. We sat down and I put the drink on the floor considering this place didn't have cup holders. 

When the previews started, Dean grabbed my hand and leaned over, kissing and biting at my neck. I let out a shaky breath and let my eyes flutter close. 

"Dean," I gasped out as he bit down and started sucking. I let out a small moan before opening my eyes and saw there were people in the very front. "Shit, Dean," I said pushing him away from me. He looked at me with a pout before facing forward and smirk came to his face. 

"Let's test how quiet you can be, eh?" He smirked. My eyes widened and I didn't have much time to react as the movie started and Dean was now between my legs, mouthing at me through my dress pants. I gripped the arms of the chair tightly as I gasped, trying to control the noise. 

I tried to focus on the movie an for a while it helped but he must've noticed because he started unbuckling my belt and pants before crawling up to come eye to eye with me. 

"Lift your hips up, babe," he whispered against my lips. I started to let out a whine but he caught it in the kiss. I lifted up my hips which allowed him to pull down my pants and boxers at the same time. 

"D-Dean," I whined softly. His hand was already working slowly up and down my dick. 

"Hmm?" He hummed quietly as he glanced back to the people who were watching the movie. 

"I-I've never d-done anything l-like this except t-that one time," I admitted. He got back onto his knees and smiled up at me. 

"I know. Don't worry. You'll feel good," he assured. Before I could respond, his lips wrapped around the head of my cock and I couldn't help the loud whine that slipped out, causing the people to look around. 

"S-sorry!" I called before grabbing onto Dean's hair and tightening my grip on the chair arm. He was teasing and I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth to keep from moaning again. 

He took my full length into his mouth, making my mouth drop open as I instinctively held his head there for a second before letting him come back up. I put my hand on my mouth, biting it as he lapped at the head. My hips kept thrusting up slightly whenever he pulled away. 

"Like it?" He asked quietly, looking me in the eyes. His hand worked up and down my wet shaft as I felt myself coming closer to an orgasm. 

"Gosh yes," I whimpered into my hand. I bit down as he took me deep again. I tried to focus on the pictures of the movies as bucked my hips up into his mouth but all I could see was blurs. 

He came back up and started to suck at my balls which earned a gasp from me. Great timing though because something bad happened it seemed in the movie. 

"Gonna cum, baby?" He asked, licking a long strip up my dick. 

"Mhm," I moaned softly. He pulled away for a second and I looked down at him just as he took me as deep as he could, looking me in the eyes. 

I felt my stomach heave when I hit the back of his throat and I bit down so hard on my hand it started bleeding and held his head down. 

Sweat rolled off my face as I let go of his head who then sat back and swallowed. I let out a shaky breath. I pulled my hand away from my mouth and looked at the teeth marks. 

"Did you do that?" He asked, tapping my thighs so he could pull my pants back up. I looked at him tiredly and nodded. He chuckled softly before looking at the people who seemed completely oblivious about what had just happened. "C'mon. Let's get that cleaned up," he said and we both got up quietly and walked out of the theater. 

We walked into the men's bathroom and over to the sink. Dean looked under all the stalls before leaning in and kissing me. I tasted my own cum slightly and it tasted really weird. 

I felt a hand on my bloody one before he pulled away and looked down. 

"Damn, Cas," he laughed. I flinched as the water hit the opened wound. It's been a while since anyone has cleaned a wound of mine. 

"You told me to be quiet! It was your fault!" I said defensively. He laughed and pecked my lips before continuing. It was silent for a little bit except for the running water. "I liked it," I said suddenly. 

"What?" He asked confused, glancing up at me. 

"The.. Blowjob... I liked it. A lot," I admitted, face feeling hot. 

"Good. Looks like I know what I'm gonna be doing a lot of," he winked and I felt extremely embarrassed as someone walked in. 

"Hi," they said before walking towards a urinal. 

"Alright. All done!" Dean said with a smile. I looked down and saw he had wrapped my hand in paper towel and was having me hold it in place. 

"Thanks, Dean," I smiled. I wanted to kiss him but I didn't want that person to be weirded out so I didn't. 

"You're welcome," he pulled out his phone and looked at the time just a his phone started ringing. "C'mon. Do you wanna head back to mine?" He asked as he waited to answer. I nodded and he answered his phone. "Hey, Sammy," he said as he started walking to the door. I followed. "Yes I know..... WHAT?!" I jumped at this outburst. He mouthed a 'sorry' at me before going back to Sam. "Sam, the only reason you're a junior right now is because you skipped grades! You don't need that on your hands and neither does Jess," he said. 

"What happened?" I asked, not being able to contain my curiosity. 

"I'll tell you in a second," he told me and I nodded. "Just. Wait a few weeks to find out. I remember mom being pregnant with you and she was getting sick all the time so just wait and see. I have to go, Sammy. Driving. I'll talk to you later," and then he waited before he hung up.

"Did he get Jessica pregnant?" I asked.

"Him and Jess have done things in the past like that but apparently it happened again yesterday without a condom and neither were thinking and he kinda..." He trailed off, his face going red. I smiled as we walked out of the theater and grabbed his hand. 

He really was adorable.

"I understand. Father has told me this stuff. But he thinks she's pregnant?" I asked to which he nodded. We both got into the Impala and he turned to me. 

"That's why it's so great to be two guys. We can do that all we want without a condom and not worry about a thing," he said with a smirk. This time, I felt my face heat up. 

"Can we go?" I said embarrassed. He laughed and turned the ignition before taking my hand and we were off. 

I stared out the window, knowing that I was gonna tell him everything tonight. 

Tonight was the night I let someone else in. 

Where I risk everything. 

I'm letting Dean in.


	16. Chapter 16

We pulled into his driveway.

Neither one of us had said a word since we left the theater. 

I got out of the car as Dean did and I just kinda stood there, staring at the house. 

It was late. 

We may have not of finished the movie but it was getting late. 

"You coming? No one's home," Dean stated as he walked backwards to the door. I shook my thoughts away before walking towards the door. 

We walked in and I looked around. 

"It feels like forever since I've been here," I told him even though I was just here the other day. He let out a laugh before grabbing both of my hands and pulled me towards the back door. 

"Do you want your coat on or?" He asked as he stopped at the door. I shook my was before taking it off. He took it and laid it on the counter before we made our way outside. 

There was a blanket on the picnic table with candles everywhere. I couldn't help but smile at it. 

"I know it's pretty cheesy but it's the only thing I could think of as an ending to this date and I-" I pressed my lips to his. 

"It's perfect," I smiled before walking over and sitting on the picnic table. He walked over and sat in front of me, putting his hands on my knees. 

"So. What shall we talk about?" He asked with a smile. I felt my stomach churn at the thought of telling him everything. 

"Uh, you pick?" I said with a slightly shaky voice. 

"Hmm," he looked up at the purple-blue sky for a moment before looking back down at me. "Why do you say father instead of dad?" He asked. 

"I don't know. It's just been the way I was raised and it stuck," I told him truthfully. I really didn't understand why I called him father but I didn't care. 

"Oh. Alright. You go," he smiled. I rested my hands on his. 

"What's your family like? I haven't got to really get to know anyone except Sam," I asked. 

"Well, my dad is a pretty decent guy. I mean, I've had a slightly rough childhood but it's okay. It all paid off in the end and he was there to help me. My mom on the other hand," he paused for a second looking up. "She's gone. She died when Sammy and I were little. House fire actually," he finished. 

"I'm sorry," I said with sympathy. I never had a mother honestly. But again, I didn't care about that.

"It's alright. What about your brothers?" He asked genuinely curious. 

"Lucifer is the oldest but Gabriel follows close behind. Gabriel is the trickster of us honestly. He plays pranks on everyone and half the time, Luci helps him. Like that time with you on the phone. Lucifer is the smartest. He gets really good grades in college and he keeps organized. But I love them both so much and I really don't want to lose them when they fight. They've saved my life a lot. I don't know what I would do if they were gone," I said feeling a lump in my throat. 

"Hey, I'm positive they'll try extremely hard to come home, okay?" He said squeezing my hands. I nodded and smiled. 

"Have you been here your whole life?" I asked, taking a deep breath. 

"Yeah, sadly," he laughed. I laughed too. "Do you like it here?" He asked me. 

"No. Not really," I said truthfully. But I would pick here than my old school in a heartbeat. 

"If you don't like it here, why don't you go back to your other one?" He asked confused. 

"Well one, I have you now," I said with a smile but I stopped. He smiled at me, that certain smile that he made just for me. 

"Two?" He questioned. 

"If I went back, I think I might kill myself," it just slipped out. My eyes went wide at the same time Dean's did and I smacked my hand on my mouth. It just slipped! 

"Castiel," he said slowly. "You're joking, right?" He asked. 

I sighed. "No," I said sadly as I put my hand back down.

"Wait," he grabbed my arm and pulled up the sleeve to reveal my cuts. He traced over a certain one, the one I tried to kill myself with. It was the only really long one. "You were suicidal?" He asked. I pulled my arm away and pulled up my other sleeve to show him my others. 

"Yes. I still am," I told him. His face filled with horror. 

"Cas," he started but I cut him off. 

"Let me explain please?" He nodded. I took a deep breath. "It was the first day of my last school when it started. I was just minding my business, second grade, when someone just comes up and pushes me down, calling me terrible names. Freak and Ugly were the main ones. Everyone thought it. Everyone knew the new kid was a freak. That he was ugly. And after a while, I believed it," I paused for a second as Dean stared at me. 

"You're not though. You're beautiful," he told me which made me smile. 

"Well, I believed it and I started to think of ways to get rid of the pain. I looked them up and tried so many methods. Working out, walking, writing, none of them worked so I tried cutting. I started out small, short cuts. It just let the pain numb for a while. But gradually, over the years, the bullying got worse and worse and father was taking notice that I was falling into depression. When he sat me down, he asked about what was wrong but I stayed quiet. It really wasn't until Gabby and Luci came home for a visit when they found out about my arms. I was sleeping when they found out and then I woke up to yelling," I stopped again.

The day they found out was clear as day. That day I woke up to the screaming of my brothers and father. 

\---FlashBack---

"YOU NEED TO GET HIM OUT OF THIS SCHOOL!"

"I CAN'T! YOU KNOW WE'RE SHORT ON MONEY, GABRIEL!"

"FUCKING HOME SCHOOL HIM, FATHER! SOMETHING! HE'S HURTING HIMSELF!"

"HEY!" 

"WHAT?!"

"I think Castiel is awake."

I was laying with my back towards them just listening to them fighting. I had my arms pulled into my chest in attempt to hide them. 

"Cassie?" I heard Lucifer's voice ask as my bed dipped and I saw his head out of the corner of my eye. I stayed quiet. "Hey. Roll over," he said softly. I obeyed and turned to face them. 

"Castiel," father started as both him and Gabriel walked towards me. 

"Why have you been doing this?" Gabriel asked, motioning to my arms. I felt tears come to my eyes and I latched myself onto Luci's arm. 

"No one likes me.." I whispered. 

"We like you. Why didn't you tell anyone?" Luci asked, stroking my hair. 

"B-because you guys w-wouldn't like me," I said. 

"Castiel, don't ever keep this from us again please. Do you hear me?" Father said, pushing my hair away from my face. 

I nodded.

\---Over---

Dean had a hold of my hands tightly. As if he was making sure I wasn't going to try to leave. 

"After they found out, Gabriel told me he was going to check my arms every other day. So I had to think of somewhere else. I started on my ankles but I didn't do many there. It felt too weird. I kept getting worse and worse but since they didn't think I was still cutting, they thought I was getting better. That was until I came home in tears one day. Completely breaking down as soon as I walked into the house. Father tried to ask what happened but I ignored him and ran straight to my room. I had taken the blade I hid from everyone and started slashing up my arms," I took a deep breath as tears started to come to my eyes.

Dean was being so good to me. Not interrupting and just listening. 

It's only a matter of time before he tells me to leave because I'm a suicidal freak. 

"Father had tried to open my door and was yelling at me to open it. But I was crying too hard to even realize how deep I was going. I had a rope in my room. I stared at it for a while. Then I had told father I was sorry and that I needed to leave the earth. That I was no use on this planet. That everyone was better off with me dead," I couldn't help the choked cry that escaped my lips. 

Immediately, Dean pulled me into his lap and held me tightly. 

"You don't have to keep going," he whispered, his voice shaky. 

"I want to tell you. If I don't now, I don't know if I ever will," I whispered back. I leaned away from him and saw his sad smile. 

"Okay. Go on," he pecked my lips and wiped away the tears that were falling onto my cheeks. 

"Okay," I took a deep breath. "I had heard father start crying and freaking out. He was trying to get me to stop but my wrists were completely overflowing with blood and before I could register him calling my brothers, I was grabbing the rope and tying it to the ceiling. I saw the phone being slid under the door and it was on speaker. I was about to slip my head through the knot I made when I heard Gabriel's voice. He was telling me I was so much more than those dicks at school. Then Lucifer started crying and was saying the same thing. They both told me they would skip out on everything at school if I needed them to come home. I was tempted to say yes but I stepped down from my bed and silently unlocked the door before telling them in a hushed tone that my door was unlocked. If they told father and he got me in time, I would live. So I slid the phone back and practically ran to the rope before stepping off my bed as I heard yelling. I was starting to see only black when father had slammed the door open and liked my legs up so I could get air before getting me down," I finished.

It was silent. I wasn't looking at Dean anymore. I was scared of what his face said.

That was until I felt something wet hit my hand. I looked at him and saw him wiping his eyes. 

"Cas," he breathed. I didn't answer him. The next thing I knew, his lips were on mine in a fierce yet passionate kiss. As if he was trying to tell me everything was okay now. 

He pulled away and pressed his forehead to mine. 

"Thank you for telling me that," he whispered. I nodded and closed my eyes. 

"Now you'll understand what I mean when I say my brothers have saved my life. I don't want them to die," I said softly, trying not to break down. 

"I know, baby. I know," he whispered. I laced our fingers together and leaned forward to press a gentle kiss on his lips. 

"Thank you, Dean," I whispered against his lips. 

"For what?" He asked. 

"Being my friend. Being my boyfriend. Showing me new things," I tried to explain. I wanted to say a main one but he hasn't told me he loved me yet. 

I saw him smile. 

"Thank you for putting up with my jackass self," he said to me. I couldn't help the smile that made its way onto my lips. 

"You give me a life outside my family," I admitted. "That's one thing I've only had once. But it got ruined because of a prank."

"Do you want to explain or do you want to wait?" He asked. 

"I'll tell you," I told him. 

"Okay," he stated before saying quiet. 

"Her name was Anna. She was my best friend back at my old school. She was gorgeous too. She defended me most of the time when people messed with me. But one night, I was outside with father helping set up for something and I had left my phone inside. Anna had called and Gabriel and Lucifer were the ones to answer. I don't know what exactly happened but the next day at school, Anna joined in with the bullies. She called me a fag and everything. She had betrayed me and it tore me up inside. I found out it was them because she had told me to ask my brothers what happened. I never did. In fact, they never even knew Anna and I weren't friends anymore until the prank they pulled on you," I finished. 

"Wow," he whispered. I nodded. 

"That's why Gabriel asked you if you were gonna leave. He didn't want a remake of the last time," I told him.

The moon light was the only light that was shining on him. It lit up his face in the most beautiful way. He looked gorgeous. 

"Well, I'm never going to leave you, okay?" He said with a smile.

"Okay," I whispered. 

"Do you wanna lay down?" He asked, wiping my cheeks. I nodded. I moved so he could lay down before crawling practically on top of him and cuddling against him like I do with my brothers. 

"Thank you for today. It was really amazing. Especially that little... Treat at the movies," I felt myself blush when I brought it up. 

"That can happen a lot more if you want. By the way, how is your hand?" I sat up a little before showing him. It didn't hurt anymore but the skin was still broken. 

"It doesn't hurt anymore. Then again, I probably am used to hurt so," I mumbled. He pulled me back down and held me tightly. 

"It's okay. It happens to the best of us," he told me, kissing my head. I smiled and pressed my face into his neck, leaving a soft kiss there before just breathing in his scent. 

I felt myself falling asleep and I could tell Dean was too by his breathing slowly down to a slow, steady rhythm. 

I inhaled a big breath wanting to tell him something, but I couldn't get it out.

I let myself fall asleep with three little words that could change everything, rolling around in my mind.

I love you.


	17. Chapter 17

Falling asleep on a picnic table was not the smartest thing to do. 

I had fallen onto the bench and Dean had managed to fall onto the ground.

I groaned loudly as I opened my eyes. It was really bright outside. 

"What the-" Dean jumped up off the ground and groaned. "I'm soaked!" He pouted. I sat up slowly considering my back was killing me, and looked at him.

He was being over dramatic. 

He wasn't that wet. He was only a little wet because of the dew and that's it. 

"You're such a drama queen," I said before coughing because my mouth was beyond dry. 

"Oh shut up. At least you were still on the picnic table!" He teased. 

"Yeah, and my back hurts so," I said back. He laughed which I joined in. 

"C'mon. Let's go get you something to drink, shall we?" He asked, walking over and helping me up. I nodded and we started walking in only to see Sam smirking in the doorway. 

"Hi, Sam," I said with a smile before coughing. 

"Hey, Cas. You know, dad and I considered carrying you guys in. Obviously we decided against it," he smirked. 

"You bitch!" Dean gasped. 

"I'll be in my room if you need me," and he walked away laughing. I looked over at Dean, holding in the giggles, to see him shaking his head with a smile on his face. 

"My brother is an ass," he laughed. I let the laugh slip out as we made our way inside the house. My coat was still on the counter from last night so I grabbed it before getting my phone out and checking it. 

I had 5 missed calls from Father. 

"Shoot," I mumbled. 

"C'mon. Let's go to my room," Dean said and I followed him as I dialed father's number and held my phone up to my ear. 

"Castiel," he answered. 

"Sorry, father. I was at Dean's and I left my phone inside a-" he cut my off. 

"It's okay, son. What happened last night?" He asked. I felt my face heat up as I sat myself down on Dean's bed. 

"Well, uh," I managed to get an embarrassed laugh out. "He took me to the aquarium and the movies first. Then when we came back to his house and I told him everything. Except that certain thing," I whispered the last part as Dean fiddled with clothes in his closet. 

"The angel thing?" He asked. 

"Mhm," I hummed. I could practically hear him smiling. 

"I'm glad you found someone to trust, Castiel. I just wanted to tell you that Gabriel and Lucifer have wrote you a letter and it's here at the house," he said and a smile went onto my face as I watched Dean start to change. 

Wow. He's really fit.

"Really?" I asked as I stared at his chest. I licked my lips involuntarily which caught Dean's eye and he started smirking. 

"Yes, I want Dean to have you home by 3 though okay? He may stay if he wants but I want to see you too," Dean started walking towards me before sitting down on my lap, leaning forward and kissing my jawline. 

"O-okay, father! I'll see you then, I love you," I said quickly, waiting for a reply before Dean got to the spot on my neck that makes me whine. 

"Okay, I love you too. Bye," and with that, I hung up. I set my phone down beside me, letting a small whine leave my lips as he started to rotate his hips a bit. 

"Mph, Dean," I whined. I had my hands on his hips, guiding his hips around on instinct. An instinct I didn't think I had to be honest. 

"Feel good?" He purred into my ear. His bare skin felt warm against my hands. 

"Mmm," I hummed before glancing at the alarm clock on his desk. 

2:30pm.

My eyes widened and I gasped. "Dean, father wants me home by 3 and we slept in practically all day! We don't have any time," I tried. I didn't push him away though. 

"Aww, can't he just give us an extra ten minutes?" He asked, pushing me down on the bed. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. His hands were on both sides of my face as he pried my mouth open with his tongue. 

He swallowed the moan that emitted from my mouth. I was starting to get lost in the kiss when I realized again that we needed to leave.

I finally found the strength to roll us over so I was on top. Dean looked at me shocked. 

"What?" I asked confused on why he was shocked. He had his legs wrapped around my waist, keeping me pinned to him.

"I didn't think you could be so dominating," he winked and I felt myself blush. 

"C'mon," I mumbled, somehow managing to get out of his grip. 

"Fiiiiine. Do you think I could stay for a while?" He asked as he threw on a shirt. 

"Yeah. He said you could. He just wants to see me," I told him, grabbing his hand tightly in mine. 

"Alright," he said as we walked out. "Hey, Sammy! I'm taking Cas home! I'll be back in a few hours!" He yelled over the music that was playing. 

"Okay! Bye Cas!" Sam yelled back. 

"Bye!" I yelled. Then we were out the door and making our way to my house in his car. 

It was a silent ride. 

"What's on your mind, babe?" He asked, squeezing my leg slightly. 

"Hmm? Oh. Nothing really," I told him even though it was a lie. 

"C'mon, Cas. I know when something is bothering you," he told me as we got closer to my house. 

"Just, my brothers mainly," I told him which wasn't a lie. I was worried to death about them. But I was also thinking about what if Dean realizes he's dating me and gets disgusted?

"Is there anything else?" He asked just as we pulled in. 

"No," I lied before getting out of the car and walking to the house. "Father!" I called when I walked in, leaving the door open for Dean. 

There wasn't a reply. 

I walked into the kitchen and found a note next to an envelope. 

Castiel, 

I needed to go get something from the store that will help your back. I'll be back soon.

Love, Father.

I sat down at the table just staring at the envelope. Dean sat down next to and looked at it. 

"Who's that from?" He asked curiously. I had a smile on my face. 

"My brothers," I told him before grabbing it and almost tearing it open. 

"Read it out loud?" He asked. I smiled at him and nodded. 

"Dear Cassie,

Hey little bro. How's it going? Over here it's all work and no play. It kind of sucks for me considering you know how I love to play tricks on people. Luci though, he is always helping me get organized so I don't get in trouble.

Is everything good at school? No one has been picking on you have they? Dean's been beating those people up, right?

Stay safe, Castiel. Please don't do anything while we're gone. 

We love you a lot. We'll be home soon.

Love,

Luci and Gabby," I finished. There was a smile on my face. I saw Dean lean forward as if to grab something but he looked confused. 

"There's something on the back," he said pointing. I flipped it over and the first thing I saw was 'Dear Dean.'

"Here, it's for you," I said, pushing the letter at him. 

"Dear Dean,

Hello, Dean. It's Lucifer. Gabriel wanted to write this one too but I know how Gabriel gets about Cassie," I could help the smile that got bigger. "Anyway, I was just wanting to warn you about Castiel. He has a few problems and I'm not sure if he's told you yet or not but please, be gentle with him. I don't know..." He trailed off for a second before reading again. "Take care of him, okay? I don't ever want to hear about Castiel doing something stupid because of you. And if I do, it's not going to be pretty, Dean Winchester. 

Take care of our brother, eh?

Love,

Lucifer and Gabriel," he finished. 

/Why did he stop hesitate?/

"Do you want to help me write back?" I asked him. He smiled and nodded.

We made our way into my room and I pulled out my stationary and pen. 

\---

We had finished the letter and Dean started kissing me. 

Heatedly. 

I moaned as his tongue petted at mine. His hand was slowly sliding into my waistband. I started to push him down onto my bed when I heard someone clear their throat. 

I froze and slowly backed away from Dean, looking into the shattered mirror across from my bed and saw I was completely red. 

"Hi father," I mumbled embarrassed. 

"Hello, Castiel. Dean," he said with a small smirk. I was still sitting in Dean's lap, keeping him from sitting up fully. "What were you boys doing?" He asked teasingly. 

"Uhm..." I couldn't answer. I was way too embarrassed. 

"We were uh... We were writing a letter to uh, his brothers," Dean said unsure. 

"That looked like an awfully lot of writing," he teased. I covered my face in my hands and I felt Dean shift his hand so it was on my back, under my shirt. "I'm just teasing, Castiel," he laughed. 

"I know," I mumbled into my hands. 

"May I talk to you, Castiel for a second?" I nodded before getting up, leaning over and pecking Dean's lips before walking out with father. 

"Yes, father?" I said still not looking up at him. 

"Be careful with your wings. They're already coming in," he said grabbing a stray feather from my shirt. "And it looks like they're black," he said smiling. 

I grabbed the feather and smiled at it. 

Father's wings were white. 

Lucifer's were red. 

Gabriel's would've been gold but the way he was supposed to get his failed and he never got another way so he's wingless. 

"Mine are black," I whispered. 

"Be careful with them, Castiel. Especially if you haven't told Dean yet," he said before walking away. 

I walked back in with the feather in my hand. Dean was looking in the mirror with a confused look. 

"What're you looking at?" I asked, hiding the feather behind me. Even though father had given me Lucifer's first feather and Gabriel's as well when it was succeeding, I didn't want Dean to see. 

"What happened to your mirror?" He asked looking at me again. 

"Uh, at my old school, I had that mirror and one day when I was feeling..." I trailed off for a few seconds. "Suicidal, I looked in the mirror and just punched it. I trashed my room too," I explained walking over to my night stand and stuffing the feather in with the others quickly. 

"Oh," he said standing up and walking towards me. "I should probably get going though," he said pulling me against him. 

"Why?" I pouted. 

"I have homework, darling. Granted I doubt I'll do it but ya know," he said pressing his forehead against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck. 

"Okay. I-" I stopped before I said anything more. "I'll see you tomorrow at school, then," I said finally. 

"Yeah. Bye, babe," he pressed his lips tight against mine in a loving kiss. 

"Bye," I said before we let go and he left my room. I heard him say bye to father before the door closed. I looked out the window and waved as he pulled out before sitting on my bed. 

I opened the drawer with our feathers in it and spread them out next to me. 

Father's.

Lucifer's.

Gabriel's. 

Mine. 

And my cousin, Balthazar's. 

His was rainbow. It was really cool. 

I stared down at them smiling. 

Please let my bother's come home.


	18. Chapter 18

It wasn't until a month later that everything started to fall. 

The bullying started to get worse.

Dean and I have been kind of distant lately. 

Sam and Jessica broke up.

I haven't got a letter from my brothers in a few weeks. 

Father was keeping something from me and its scaring me. 

I took out my phone and decided to text Dean. 

Hey.

He replied a few minutes later. 

Hi.

What's wrong?

It's nothing, Cas. I can't talk right now though. Getting ready. I'll see you in a few.

I sighed and didn't reply. I was already ready for school so I didn't have anything else to do. 

It's getting close to the end of the year, thankfully. 

I've been holding back a lot of my urges lately. Like I said, the bullying is gradually getting worse. Dean is always there though. He doesn't let them get too far. 

Dean. 

We haven't been around each other for a while. I haven't had more feathers come out. 

Are we falling apart?

Lord, I hope not. 

I heard a honk outside and so I grabbed my bag and walked outside, saying bye to father before shutting the door and getting into the back of the Impala. 

"Morning," I mumbled. 

"Morning, babe," Dean said with a smile. I smiled. He hasn't said that to me in a while. 

"Morning, Cas," Sam said with a sad smile. 

The ride was silent. When we pulled into the school Jessica was standing there with tears running down her face. 

Sam immediately got out and hugged her close as if it was instinct. 

I got out and grabbed my bag and started to walk away from them because I've gotten used to just walking away lately. Dean never seems to want me around so I don't bother him. 

I felt a hand wrap around my wrist, spinning me back around. 

"Where are you going?" Dean asked.

"To class," I told him. His grip loosened slightly. 

"Why? You never just walk away," he says confused. I felt my heart sink. 

"Dean, I've been walking away for almost a month now. Have you really not noticed?" I asked with hurt laced through my voice. 

His grip loosened more and realization filled his face. He dropped my hand and bit his lip. 

"Wow, I'm really sorry, Cas," he tried. 

"It's fine," I told him. It was. It really was, I just was hurt. 

"Okay. I'll walk with you then?" He asked. I smiled and nodded. We were about to start walking when we heard Sam crying. Dean's head whipped around and I looked back to see Sam staring at us with wide, red eyes. 

"Sammy!" Dean said, grabbing my hand and dragging me back. 

"Dean," he breathed. Jessica was still in his arms and she turned around to look at us. 

"Dean, I-I'm pregnant," she gasped out. My eyes went wide as did Dean's. 

"What?" He whispered. "Sammy?" He asked her in shock. She nodded and he just stood there. 

The bell had rang and I started to walk backwards slightly. 

"L-let's go to class," Sam said wiping his and Jessica's face off before we all started walking in silence. 

I sat down in my seat of first period having a terrible feeling about today in my gut. 

\-----

"Castiel Novak to the main office please. Castiel Novak, main office," it was last period when this happened. I looked up and at Dean, Sam, and Jessica who looked confused. 

"Do you want me to go or?" Dean asked me. I shook my head and squeezed his hand slightly before getting up and starting to walk out, ignoring the comments I got the best I could. 

I walked in and there was someone in a military suit and I found myself smiling as I recognized Lucifer. 

"Luci?" I asked when I froze in the doorway. He turned around and his eyes lit up and I just about tackled him into a hug. "You're alive! I missed you so much!" I said into his chest. I heard a few 'aww's around the office as I did so. 

"I missed you too, Cassie," he whispered, pressing a kiss to my head. 

"Where's Gabby?" I asked him curiously.

The bell rang as I waited for an answer. 

People filled the halls as they walked out of the building. I knew Dean wouldn't leave without me. 

"Luci?" I asked before pulling away and seeing his face. He had tears falling from his eyes and down his cheeks as he looked at me. 

"Gabriel, he-" he took a deep, shaking breath. I felt myself slowly sinking. "He didn't make it," I was in disbelief. 

"You're lying," I said sternly, not wanting to believe it.

He couldn't be dead. No. 

"Castiel, you have to listen to me," he said to me. The tone is his voice just told me he wasn't lying but I refused. 

"No.. He's at home! You're pulling a prank on me!" I started to let tears fall from my eyes. 

"Cas," he tried again but I backed away from him shaking my head. 

"He's at home!" I cried, running out of the office and out of the school, trying to not cry but it wasn't working. 

"CASTIEL!" I heard Lucifer scream after me. I saw the Impala straight ahead with Dean leaning against it, waiting. He had my stuff on the back of it. 

I let out a choked sob almost right as I got to it but I didn't stop. I kept running. 

"Cas?" I heard Dean question as I approached him. "CAS!" He yelled. He grabbed me and tried to hold me to him but I was putting up a fight.

"LET ME GO! GABRIEL IS AT THE HOUSE! HE HAS TO BE!" I screamed, squirming in his grip. I managed to push him away from me and into the impala door before I took off again.

I ran around the corner and towards my house, sobbing. I pretty much knocked the door down trying to get in.

"GABRIEL!" I screamed into the house.

There were footsteps running through the house and I started to smile but it was father who came out. I fell to the ground on my knees and just started crying to the point I wasn't making any noise. Only shaking and I couldn't breath. 

"Castiel," I felt a hand on my back and I got up again before running to my room when I heard the impala pull up. I shut and locked the door and started to throw everything around my room.

I was throwing everything. 

Pictures. 

Clothes. 

Shoes. 

Drawers. 

Glass things that shattered on the walls. 

Until the point where there was barely any place on my floor clean. 

I fell to the ground again in the spot I was standing and continued crying. 

I put my hands down and felt something soft under my right hand.

There was pounding on my door. 

I opened my eyes and saw it was Gabby's feather. 

"CASTIEL! OPEN THIS GODDAMN DOOR NOW OR I WILL BREAK IT DOWN!" Lucifer called. I heard a shaky breath from outside as I looked down at my now bleeding hands. 

There suddenly was a loud thud as I grabbed the feather in my hands. 

Arms wrapped around me tightly. I stared at the feather in my hands as tears streamed down my face. 

"Shh. It's okay," Dean whispered into my ear. He was rocking me back and forth slightly.

I looked up at Lucifer who was hugging father. He was scared. I scared him. 

I took a deep breath and the moment I did, I knew everyone was listening.

The amount of heartbreak that spread across their faces was unreal. Granted, Dean didn't quite understand, but he still looked heartbroken. 

"Look," I said. They all looked at the feather I was holding. 

I forced a smile onto my lips. 

"Gabby's still here."


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not posting in a while. School has been taking up my mind, lately.

Things have been hard for me. 

I've broke down and cut a lot.

No one knows that I have though. I've done it at least 50 times so far. It feels so good.

Dean has been stressed a lot too. He's been having to help Sam with thing with Jessica while studying for Finals. I've been trying to stay away from him as long as I can so I don't cause him more stress of having to worry about me. 

At school everyone figured out that I lost my brother. 

They stopped the name calling, but not because I lost my brother. 

It was because a week after Lucifer had to go back and I went to school one day, Dean was sick, and snapped. 

FLASHBACK.

"Hey, faggot!" Someone yelled. I knew who it was. It was Michael. He was the main one. 

I didn't answer as always. I felt drained. Physically and mentally. 

"Answer me when I'm talking to you!" He said angrily, grabbing my wrist. I looked at him in the eyes. I was done. 

"What," I snapped. He spat in my face before starting to laugh. 

"You're so ugly. An ugly, fat, faggot! Why are you even here?" He laughed, pushing me back. I wiped my face off and walked away. 

At the end of the day, I was out of it. I wanted to give them what they wanted. 

Me being dead. 

I looked over and saw Michael and a few of his friends get into his car. I waited for him to started driving towards me before I walked in front of his car. 

I stood there, eyes closed, waiting for the impact. 

It never came. 

"WHAT THE HELL, NOVAK?! YOU'RE SO STUPID!" Michael yelled. 

"ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED?!" His friend, Crowley screamed. 

I opened my eyes and stared at them. 

"Yes," was all I said. Their faces went to confusion. "You want me dead. It's obvious. You hate me. And you know what? I've wanted to die ever since I was little. So, why the hell not now?" I said completely serious. 

They stayed silent as Mr. Winchester came out and grabbed my arm, pulling me inside.

I went downstairs with my phone in my hand. "I'm going to Dean's," I told father. He looked up at me. 

"Are you okay?" He asked. I just shrugged. "Be careful, Castiel. Please," I nodded before leaving. I started my journey over to Dean's house. 

He had texted me telling me to come over so I am. He didn't tell me why. Maybe he misses me?

\---

I knocked on the door loudly before waiting. Soon enough, Mr. Winchester opened the door and smiled at me. 

"Hello, Castiel. How are you doing?" He asked, letting me in. 

"I'm okay. I've been slowly recovering I guess you could say, you?" I asked with a small smile. 

"That's great. And I've been alright. Dean's in his room," he said and I nodded before heading up there. 

I knocked on the door before opening it slowly to see Dean looking at me. 

"Hey, Cas," he said with a tired smile. 

"Hi," I mumbled. 

"Close the door," he told me, coughing. I closed the door behind me and walked over to him. He pulled me into his lap and just hugged me tightly. "I've missed you," he whispered. 

"I missed you too," I said back. I felt him smile against my neck before kiss it softly and pulling away. "How are things?" I asked him.

"Stressful. Sam still hasn't told dad about Jess and I still don't understand half of my math stuff. Also, dad's been hiding something from me that happened the day I was sick," he explained. I bit my lip. 

He never told him.

"I'm sorry. I'll help you with your math, if you want?" I asked. He nodded and grabbed his math things before we sat on the floor. I sat next to him, knees touching, and he held my hand as he wrote. 

"I don't understand this. Like how does that equal that? I don't know how to get this answer either," he groaned. I stood up to take my coat off first before sitting back down and grabbing the pencil. 

"Well you see, you take this right here and you multiply it by this number and..." I trailed off when I felt him grab my arm. I swallowed hard as I dropped the pencil and let him pick up my arm. 

"Cas," he asked looking at me. "Can I see your arm?" He asked slowly unbuttoning the buttons at the end of the sleeve. 

I only nodded slightly. I'm surprised he caught it because he wasn't really looking at me when I did. 

He rolled up my sleeve and looked at the cuts that filled up the gaps on my arm. Some looked newer than others. 

"Goddammit, Cas!" He said suddenly, letting my arm go. I pulled my sleeve down and wiped my eyes. "I thought you were done with that!" He said. 

"I-I'm sorry," I stuttered. He ran his hand through his hair, pulling at it. 

"Why? Just tell me why," he whispered. 

"Because Gabriel," I told him. He started shaking his head. 

"You need to get over it, Castiel. Everyone has someone close to them die. It's a lifecycle," he stated irritated. 

"But-" he cut me off by standing up. 

"My mom died when I was little. Sammy barely even remembers her. Everyone dies, Cas! Get over it please! I don't need to worry about you killing yourself on top of all the other shit I have to deal with!" He was mad now. 

"I'm sorry! I don't want to put anymore stress on you. Why do you think I've barely talked to you. I'm sorry, Dean. I really don't want to put anymore stress on you," I said as I stood up. 

"I think we should just, take a break for a while okay? So you can get over your brother dying. You were close to him. I know. But I was close to my mom and she died and I didn't become suicidal," he said. I felt tears come to my eyes as my heart sunk. 

"You know I was suicidal before he died! I told you that!" I started to get louder. 

"Yeah I know. Over a stupid reason too," he shook his head. 

"How?!" I was getting mad now. 

"They called you names. They hit you a few times. So what? You could've told someone and you didn't," he snapped. 

"Have you not met me? I hate getting people in trouble! I was desperate, Dean! I had no friends other than my brothers!" I snapped back. 

"Obviously! You're weird and awkward! I'm seeing that now. You're pale, scarred up, and just plain weird! You never talk to anyone else except Sam, Jess, and I! You refuse to meet anyone else! Why am I even with you?! All you do is put stress on me!" My heart shattered. 

"I don't want to put stress on you," I whispered. 

"Then don't," he said back. "Just leave. Please," he turned away from me. 

I felt a tear fall from eye as I grabbed my coat and started walking to the door. 

"I'm sorry I ever stepped into your life," I said to him before opening the door and stepping out before shutting it again. 

I put on my coat and practically ran down the stairs. 

"Cas?" Sam asked as I walked fast passed him. 

"Goodbye, Sam," I said before I left the house, closing the door behind me. 

I quickly opened the Impala's front door and grabbed the knife Dean keeps in there before shutting it. 

I let the tears fall as I walked on the sidewalk. I pulled out my phone and texted father telling him I probably wouldn't be home tonight and that I loved him. 

When he texted back saying he loved me too and to be safe, I didn't reply. I only turned off my phone and continued passed my house quickly. 

I started running because I knew I was only going to get worse.

I ran to an alleyway about 15 minutes walking distance from Dean's house. I slid down the wall and just let myself lose it. 

It was getting dark as my sobs got harder. 

One particular line running through my mind.

"Why am I even with you?!"

I shouldn't have trusted anyone else. 

I knew it would backfire. 

I took off my coat, grabbing the knife from it, and started slicing at my arms. 

I grabbed the pen and notepad I always keep in my coat and wrote a letter to Dean before father and then going at my arms again. 

I felt myself loosing a lot of blood as I went deeper with every cut. 

I carved one final thing into my skin before I passed out. 

I'm so sorry.

-Dean's POV.-

I didn't think anything about it until I was about to fall asleep. 

I was upset all day because of the stupid shit I had just said but I actually realized the damage I could've done. 

I sprang out of my bed and checked the time. 

9:46pm. 

I grabbed my phone and called Castiel's phone only to have it go immediately to voicemail. 

"Motherfucker!" I said loudly before I started my way down the stairs and towards the door. 

"Where are you going?" Dad asked me. 

"Cas and I got into a fight and I said some things I shouldn't have and now he won't answer his phone," I explained quickly. His eyes widened. 

"Do you need help?" He asked. 

"I'll call if I do," he nodded and I left. I jumped into my car and started driving. 

I pulled into his driveway, leaving the car on, and walking to the door. I knocked a few times before his dad answered. 

"Dean? What are you doing here?" He asked confused, looking around me and at my car. 

"Is Cas here?" I asked. He looked even more confused. 

"I thought he was with you. He told me he probably wouldn't be home tonight so I figured he was staying with you," he said. My eyes widened. 

"We got into a fight and I said stupid things and then he left and fuck," I said practically running back to my car. The sheer terror on his face was heartbreaking. 

He waved at me to leave and so I did and started to look for him. 

"I'm sorry I ever stepped into your life."

I heard sirens behind me and so I pulled over and watched as they went by before stopping not too far ahead. I pulled up a few feet away before getting out and running to see what happened. 

I saw the familiar trench coat someone was carrying before I saw the body. My heart clenched and shattered when I saw he didn't have his eyes open. 

"Excuse me, sir, but can you please step back," a lady told me. 

"He's my friend!" I said trying to see him again. "Is he alive? Please tell me he's alive!" 

"Do you want to ride along?" A guy asked and I immediately nodded. "Hurry up, then," he said and I followed him into the ambulance and sat there in silence as fear shot through me. 

I stared at the blood stained arms as they wrapped them up and I saw where he had cut the words 'I'm so sorry' into his arm and I had to look away. 

"What's your name, son?" The guy asked me. I looked up at him and saw him wrapping up Cas' arms. 

"Dean Winchester," I told him with a shaky voice. 

"What's his name? You say you two are close?" I nodded. 

"His name is Castiel Novak. He's my uh," I stopped mid sentence. The guy smiled. 

"I'm Samandriel by the way. We're you two together? As in boyfriends?" He asked with a smile, checking his pulse. 

"Yeah," I admitted. "Is he going to live?" I asked him scared. 

"He's lost a lot of blood but we can make it work. I'll make sure he lives for you," he smiled. I smiled back at him. "What happened to make him want to do this? You don't have to answer. Just making small talk," the ride felt it was going in slow motion to be honest. 

"He's always been suicidal. Then his brothers went to war and one of them died over there and he was really tore up about it and then today I told him to come over because I missed him and it ended up in a fight with me saying stupid shit that I shouldn't have knowing it would've made him do that," I said with tears in my eyes. I was angry at myself. Beyond angry actually. Furious. 

"Heat of the moment kind of deal?" He asked and I nodded. "I understand. There's a letter for I believe you. Here, keep pumping that while I look for it," he handed me this air thing and I continued pressing it like he had been doing. 

He finally found it as we came to a stop. "Here. I'll keep you updated on everything," I nodded and then the doors opened and they were rushing Cas out. I jumped out and started to walk the other way, opening the letter. 

Dear Dean,

I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for moving here. I'm sorry for being suicidal. I'm sorry for trusting you with everything. I'm sorry I ever talked to you. I'm sorry I don't like to make new friends. I'm just really sorry about everything. 

You won't have to ever deal with me anymore. I'm gone okay? I'm really sorry. Sorry that I fell for you thinking you fell for me too. 

Goodbye, Dean.

Love,

Castiel.

I let a choked sob escape my lips as I fell against a light pole. 

I heard my phone ring and I pulled it out, answering it. 

"Dean, where are you?" Dad asked me. 

"Hospital," I said shakily. "Dad, I fucked up. I fucked up really bad," I let myself go. I normally don't cry to my dad but I couldn't help it. 

"Dean, it's okay. Sam is going to pick up Castiel's dad and drive us there," he told me. 

"M-my car is by the bakery," I told him trying to calm down. 

"Okay. We'll be there soon," he hung up. I sat down on the ground by the light pole and put my head in my hands. 

I fucked up so badly. 

"Dean!" I heard someone yell my name and I looked up with blurry vision. "Dean Winchester! Where are you?" They yelled. 

"O-over here!" I yelled. I saw someone walking towards me and I started wiping at my eyes. 

"C'mon. Let's go sit inside okay?" I nodded and let him help me up. It was Samadriel. 

"Is he okay?" I asked him as we got closer to the entrance. 

"He's in the ICU right now. Which also means you can't see him unless you're immediate family," he said as we walked in. 

"But I need to see him," I whispered, holding the letter tightly in my hands. 

"I understand. I'll try to get you in sometime. But at the moment, only his family can see him," I nodded and sat down in the waiting room to wait for dad, Sammy, and his dad. 

Did he really think I didn't fall for him?

I love him. 

I love him so much it hurts. 

Why do I have to fuck everything up all the time?

Castiel.

I'm so sorry.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a small gasp as I looked up at him with blurry vision. 
> 
> "Dean?" Cas whispered shakily. 
> 
> "Hi, Cas."

"Dean... Dean," I heard someone whispering my name. I jumped slightly before opening my eyes to see Samandriel standing there with Sammy.

"Hmm," I hummed wiping at my eyes. 

"How are you?" Samandriel asked. I looked around and saw that I was put on a spare bed it looked like. 

"Where am I?" I asked confused. 

"Your brother walked in while your dad and Castiel's dad talked to the doctors and asked if there were any spare beds because you had fallen asleep," he explained. 

"I didn't want you to hurt your neck," Sammy said shyly. I smiled at him before remembering that Cas was here. 

"How's Castiel?" I asked worried suddenly. I felt my pockets and felt the paper in my right pocket before my eyes started to tear up. 

"He's stable. He hasn't woke up yet but it won't be long," Samandriel smiled at me. 

I looked at Sam who almost immediately engulfed me into a tight embrace as I tried so hard not to break down. 

There was beeping coming from Samandriel's pocket. 

"I'll be back," he said before running off. I didn't want to move but I knew I had to so I let Sammy help me and he kept his arm around my waist for stabilization. 

"I fucked up so bad," I said with a shaky voice as we walked down the hall. 

"It's okay, Dean. It happens to all of us," he tried. 

"I-I made him try to kill himself, Sammy!" I was crying. I didn't want to but I was. 

"It's okay, Dean. It's not your fault," he whispered. I cried, falling into a chair next to dad and Cas' dad. 

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make him do it," I said practically begging his dad for forgiveness. He stood up and pulled me out of the chair, pulling me close. 

"It's okay, Dean. I know you didn't mean to," I was shaking so much. 

"I-I'm so sorry," I cried. He didn't say anything, only rubbed my back. 

"Mr. Novak? Would you like to see your son?" Samandriel's voice asked. I pulled away from him, trying to calm myself down. 

"Is he awake?" He asked still rubbing my back slightly. 

"Yes he is," he said and I looked at him. 

He was awake.

"How many people can he see?" Mr. Novak asked. I was confused on why he asked that. I felt dad pat my shoulder and I looked over and let him wipe the tears that fell away. 

"He's okay," he mouthed to me. I nodded and looked back at Samandriel. 

"Two," he said looking right at me. "Would your nephew like to come too?" He asked gesturing to me. My eyes widened.

"Would you?" Mr. Novak asked and I hesitantly nodded. 

"Right this way then," he said and we started to follow. I looked back at Sam and dad who were smiling at me. 

I caught up to them and followed them into the ICU before I froze. I saw the back of his head. He was looking out the window he was by. 

His arms were wrapped up almost completely. He looked pale. Even more pale than usual. 

"I can't do this," I whispered, shaking my head feeling more tears come. 

"C'mon, Dean," Samandriel urged. I clenched my fists together as Mr. Novak walked over to him. 

"Hello, Castiel," he said, making him turn his head. I put mine down so he couldn't see my face. 

"Hello, father," his voice sounded so gravely. Rough. 

"How are you feeling?" He asked. 

"Light headed," Cas said. It was silent for a second. "I'm really sorry, father. I should've went home. Dean and I got into a fight and that was really my last boundary I guess. Losing Dean," he said suddenly. I felt my knees cave and I grabbed onto the nearest empty bed in order not to fall, making a loud noise. 

Samandriel was helping me stand up again and Castiel and his dad were looking at me. 

There was a small gasp as I looked up at him with blurry vision. 

"Dean?" Cas whispered shakily. 

"Hi, Cas."


	21. Chapter 21

I was shocked. 

Scared. 

And upset. 

"How are you in here? It's only family," I whispered. He started walking closer and I saw the red in his eyes. 

The dried tear streaks.

The redness on his face from crying. 

The tears in his eyes.

"He's your cousin. We'll leave you two alone," father had said and Samandriel followed him out after giving Dean a hug. 

"Why are you here?" I asked him. He walked over to me and sat down in the chair close to my bed, scooting it closer before just staring at me. 

"Castiel," his voice was broken. He looked broken. He reached for my hand and grabbed it. I didn't close my hand though. He seemed to notice because his eyes filled with more tears. 

"Dean," I whispered.

"I-I-" he broke. He started crying. My heart clenched at the sight of him losing everything. Breaking down. He looked back up at me. "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I said those thing. I didn't mean to make you do this. I'm so sorry, Castiel. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry," his voice cracked. 

I didn't know what to do. 

I just stared at his shaking form as he whimpered he was sorry for everything. 

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I felt really weak, but I used all of my strength to hold his hand back. He looked up at me, tears falling rapidly. 

"It's okay," I whispered. He let out a broke sob as he smiled. 

"Thank you," he cried. "I really want to kiss you but," he was starting to calm down.

"Yeah," I chuckled.

He wiped his face with his free hand. We were just smiling at each other when father walked back in with Samandriel. 

"Dean, your father wants you," father said. He had a look on his face as Dean stood up. 

Was I in trouble?

"Bye, Cas. I'll be outside," he kissed my forehead, lingering a little bit before walking out. 

Samandriel and father stayed this time though.

"Castiel, your wings are black, correct?" Samandriel asked me as he gave me something else to ease the pain. 

"How did you know that? How do you know about that?" I asked confused. 

"I have wings myself and I saw your back when we were changing you," he explained. "But you have lost a lot of blood due to your little outburst and that will cause your wings to come in a bit more painfully than it should," he said to me. My eyes went wide. 

"Why?" I asked looking at father. 

"I'm not sure exactly but I'm just warning you," he said. I nodded. 

"So, when they feel like the time is right with Dean, it will hurt a little," father said. 

"Okay, father," I told him looking at my arms. "I'm sorry," I mumbled quietly. 

"It's okay, Castiel. What did Dean say in order to get you to do this?" He asked sitting down where Dean was. 

"He," I took a deep breath as I replayed the fight in my head. "He asked why he was even with me," I said finally. 

Father was silent as anger flashed across his face. 

"I'm going to have a talk with that boy," he stated, standing.

"No, father, please," I stopped him. 

"Castiel," he started but I cut him off. 

"No, please don't. I know he's sorry. When you and Samandriel left us in here alone, I saw him a way I never wanted to and that was broken. He started crying really hard, father. It killed me to see him that way. I never want to see him like that again. Ever," I told him truthfully. Samandriel was smiling as I finished. 

Father sighed. "You really do like him, don't you?" He asked with a small smile. I couldn't help but smile. 

"No," I said. 

"What?" Father was confused. I could only smile as the three little words flowed from my mouth.

"I love him."

 

*A week later.*

"Castiel, do you need anything else?" Father asked me before we left. He was sending me to a therapist. Which I have no problem with because maybe it'll actually help.

I had gotten home yesterday and I have already told Lucifer what happened. When he wrote back, he said he wanted to go see me but he couldn't and that he was going to talk to Dean whether I like it or not. He's trying so hard to make up for Gabriel being dead. 

"No, father, I don't think so," I said grabbing my phone off my lap and holding it tightly in my hands. 

"Okay, let's go then," he smiled and grabbed my leg for a second before starting to drive. 

The ride was silent and kind of tense for some reason. He hasn't said a word about what I said about Dean the day I told him I loved Dean.

"Father?" I started. 

"Hmm?" He hummed.

"Uh, do you think I'm going to get my wings?" I asked him only to see what he'll say. 

"What do you mean?" He glanced over at me for a split second before looking back at the road. 

"Like, do you think I'll succeed? Or do you think I'll end up like Gabby and have my task fail?" I asked, voice hitching on Gabriel's name. I was still tore up about his death but I'm okay. I'll be okay.

"In my honest opinion, I believe you will succeed. I know you love Dean and it really does seem like he loves you but after that stunt he pulled, I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't," he said as we pulled into a parking lot. 

"You know he didn't mean to, right? He was under a lot of stress and I had told him I was done with cutting," I defended. I didn't like when people said bad things about Dean. Granted, I know where they're coming from after what had happened, but it was all his fault.

"Okay, Castiel. We'll talk about this later. C'mon," he said getting out of the car. I got out as well and followed him into the building as I felt my phone vibrate in my hands. 

It was from Dean. 

Where are you?

Therapy.

Why? Everyone is acting weird without you here. They have since the day It got out that you were in the hospital.

Father and I both think it'll help me. That's weird. But I have to go okay? I'll talk to you later. Bye.

Alright, babe. See ya.

I pocketed my phone as I waited for my name to be called.

It felt like hour before it was actually called and I followed the lady into her office. 

"Hello, Castiel. I'm Ellen and this is my daughter, Jo. She's going to be here a few times because she's helping out, is that okay?" She asked motioning to a very pretty young girl that had to be a year younger than I was. 

"That's fine. Hello, Jo," I smiled and greeted. 

"Hello," she smiled back.

"Alright. So, Castiel, how have you been?" She asked me. 

"I've been doing a lot better. I got out of the hospital yesterday so that's good. It's so cramped in there," I said trying to be as open as I could be before I closed up completely. 

"You were in the hospital?" Jo asked me curiously. 

"Yeah. I had a breakdown about a week ago and I tried to kill myself," I admitted. Her eyes went wide. 

"Why?" She asked. I felt myself starting to close up.

"I uh," I started. "I have a um," I couldn't get it out. I felt nervous. Scared. 

"You don't have to explain, Castiel," Ellen said politely. I only nodded. "Why don't you tell us about your family?" She said as a starter. 

"Well, I have a father. No mother. But he's amazing. I have two older brothers, well. Had. I only have one now. I call him Luci. He's over in war right now. I had another one named Gabriel. I called him Gabby. They were both drafted and then a few weeks ago, Luci came home and said that Gabby was dead. That was where I was on edge. One little nudge and I'd go overboard because they've both saved my life," I said. There was a smile on my face and a sad one on theirs. 

"I'm sorry to hear that," Jo said patting my back. 

"It's okay. My boy-" I cut myself off. "My best friend has been helping me through it. He's amazing," I said with a smile. 

Ellen was about to say something when the timer went off. 

"Well, that's all we have for today. Thank you for coming in today, Castiel. On Friday we'll talk about you, okay?" She said as we all three stood up. 

"Okay. Thank you," I said as I walked back to father. 

"How'd it go?" He asked as we walked out. 

"Okay. I was open and then Jo asked me why I was in the hospital and I closed up though," I explained. 

"It's alright, Castiel. You'll open it with time," he smiled and I nodded in agreement. 

The way home was silent and I had gotten a text from Dean saying there was a new girl. 

What's her name?

I'm not sure. Sammy hasn't found out yet. She has red hair and she's short.

Hmm. Where did she come from? It kind of sounds familiar.

When I read the next message, I whimpered. 

"What is it?" Father asked concerned. 

"T-there's a new student," my voice was wavering. 

"Who?" He asked. It took a deep breath as I felt myself start shaking. 

"A-Anna."


	22. Chapter 22

"I don't want to see her," I was trying to get out of school again. I've already missed three days and father wasn't letting me stay again. 

"I understand that, Castiel, but you have to go to school. I've already let you miss too much school," he tells me, forcing a shirt and dress pants at me. 

"But, father! She'll make fun of me! And she'll use the fact that Dean is my boyfriend against me!" I tried again. 

"Castiel. You are going to school. Dean is here and he's waiting for you. Don't argue with me and put on your clothes," he said sternly and I bowed my head. 

"Yes, sir," I mumbled. I heard my door slam and I flinched. I felt tears come to my eyes as I changed my clothes. I didn't mean to make him mad. I just really don't want to see her. 

I walked out of my room after grabbing Gabby's feather off my dresser and down the stairs where I heard talking. 

"How long until the baby is due?" I heard father ask. 

"She's only a few weeks in. I still haven't told dad. I'm not sure how," Sam stated. 

"We should tell him tonight. Get Jess over and just tell him," Dean suggested.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. He needs to know," father stated and I could tell he was smiling. I slowly decided to walk into the room, feather in hand.

"Hi," I whispered getting their attention. Dean walked up to me and hugged me tightly. I hugged him back, nuzzling my face into his neck. 

"You alright?" He whispered. I only shook my head slightly before letting go. 

"Hi, Sam," I smiled softly. 

"Hey, Cas," he smiled back. I only smiled and waved slightly at father. 

"Are you ready or?" I asked looking between Dean and Sam.

"Yeah, bye, Mr. Novak," Dean said with a bright smile as we made our way to the door. 

"Bye, Dean. Sam," he said with a smile. 

"Bye, father," I said as I walked out. 

"Goodbye, Castiel," he said before he shut the door behind us. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding before feeling a hand grab mine.

"Hey, it's alright. We can talk later, okay?" Dean whispered as Sam walked in front of us and I nodded and walked to his car holding his hand. 

The drive was silent for the most part. Sam had asked what the feather was from and I told him Gabriel had given it to me. 

We pulled into the parking lot and once we were parked, Sam immediately went to Jessica and kissed her, laying his hand on her stomach. I couldn't help but smile.

I got out and got into the front seat after seeing the certain red headed girl walking away from a car. 

"Dean, I don't want to do this. I don't want to be here. I don't want to see her," I said shakily, starting to freak out. He grabbed my hands and leaned over and pressed a kiss to my nose. 

"It's okay. It won't be for much longer. There isn't much school left, okay? You'll be perfectly fine, baby and if you need to, go to the bathroom and text me," he assured. I took a deep breath and nodded, leaning my forehead against his. 

I kissed him before getting out of the car and practically gluing myself to Dean's side. We walked in and ran into his father who then smiled. 

"Castiel! Just the person I was looking for. Come to my office please. Dean you can come too," he said before turning around. I was beyond confused and I think Dean was too. 

We walked into his office and there was that certain red head sitting there in one of the chairs. I felt myself tense up and I think Dean felt it too because he immediately started rubbing my side. 

"What's this about, dad?" He asked. 

"Well, our new student, Anna, she's still confused on where to go and it turns out she has Castiel's schedule so I was hoping he could show her to her classes?" He asked me. Anna turned around and her eyes went wide as we made eye contact. 

"I-uh-" I couldn't comprehend any words so I just politely nodded. 

"You sure?" Dean asked and I nodded but gave him a look that told him no.

"Great! Dean, get to class. I know you have a test first period and I know how you are. You need to study," Mr. Winchester said sternly. Dean groaned but obeyed. He turned to me and gave me a hug, pressing a light kiss against my neck as if to tell me it was going to be okay before pulling away and walking towards the door. 

"I'll see you later okay? Dad, you don't mind if Cas and Jess come over later, right?" He asked quickly. 

"I don't mind, but class now, Dean," he stated. 

"Yes, sir," and then he was gone. 

"So, why don't you two start going now to get to know each other?" He suggested and Anna got up. I smiled a small smile at her before turning around and walking out, her closely behind. 

We started walking together slowly. Everyone was staring at us. 

"Hi, Cassie," I heard her say and the name stabbed me in the heart. 

"Hi, Anna," I whispered in a low voice. 

"How have things been?" She asked and she sounded genuinely curious. 

"Okay," was the only answer I could muster up. I wasn't going to tell her about anything. 

"That's good," she said simply. We walked in silence for another minute until we actually got to our class. "Can I sit by you?" She asked as we walked in. I only shrugged. 

We sat down in the back and I kept my head down like usual. 

"You know, everyone back home misses you," she stated. Rage flowed through me but I stayed quiet. "We all thought you killed yourself that day. The whole school was put in a new atmosphere because of it. Some people said you were being a coward but I told them that you killing yourself isn't cowardice. They were. I was tore up. You're my best friend," she finished. 

Best friend.

"No," I whispered. "I'm not your best friend anymore, Anna. You made that clear when you joined in. I have new friends. Three of which who care about me for real," I stated sternly as the class started. She didn't say anything for the rest of the period. 

Finally, lunch came along. Granted I wasn't hungry but I needed to see Dean or I was going to explode. 

I practically ran into the lunchroom only to see Jess sitting there alone. I walked up hoping Anna wouldn't follow and sat down. 

"Where's Sam and Dean?" I asked her. She looked up from her phone and smiled at me.

"Sammy went home sick. I'm not sure where Dean is though," I only nodded and heard the chair next to me get pulled out and I looked over expecting Dean but it was Anna. I groaned mentally. 

You're going to take everything away from me.

"Who is this, Cassie?" Again, stabbed. 

"Please stop calling me that," I said as I felt for Gabby's feather in my pocket. 

"Why?" She asked.

"This is Jessica. Jessica, this is Anna," I introduced. Jessica smiled at Anna. 

"Cas, there's Dean," she said pointing behind me. I turned around to see him and his dad fighting. I stood up, Anna did too and I looked at her. 

"Stop. Don't follow me," I growled. I started walking towards them when I saw Dean's face fall into shock and then complete hurt. I saw Mr. Winchester sigh and try to get Dean to look at him but Dean just started to walk away and towards me. 

We walked toward the table and he looked at Jess with a look I've never seen before we started to walk to the doors. 

"Where are we going?" I asked him as he grabbed my hand in his. He didn't answer. Anna, I could tell was going to follow us though.

We walked outside and he pulled me around the corner and pinned me to the wall. I squeaked in shock before his lips sealed over mine. 

"Dean-" I tried in between kisses. He pulled away and looked at me. "What happened?" I asked. I felt him sigh against my body before he let go of my arms and just hugged me into his. 

"You remember that house fire my mom died in?" He asked and I nodded against his shoulder. "I had carried Sammy out of that fire after dad told me to and we were just fighting over nothing really and he said he should've left me in the fire," his voice was shaky. I hugged him tightly and he nuzzled his face into my neck. 

"I'm glad he didn't. You're amazing. And you're mine," I whispered, shifting to kiss his neck. I heard a small gasp come from around the corner and I knew Anna was there. 

"Cas, thank you," he whispered in my ear as we swayed a bit. I peeked over to see Anna's body walk to the other side of the building. "Even after everything, thank you for being here," he told me. 

"Don't bring that up, please. I don't want to remember it," I told him. He pulled away and smile at me before pressing his lips to mine in a love filled kiss. 

The bell rang and Dean pulled away before taking my hand and we walked back into the school. Anna was talking to Jessica and making her laugh when she saw us holding hands. 

She smirked before telling her bye and tagging along with Dean and I.

"Do you have our class?" She asked him innocently. He looked at her and he smiled slightly but shook his head. 

"Only walking Cas," he said squeezing my hand. I couldn't help the smile that moved into my face. 

We got to the classroom and he gave me a tight hug and a kiss on the nose before leaving like he always does. I walked in, Anna close behind and sat down. Of course, she sat next to me. 

"So, you and that guy, huh?" She teased. 

"His name is Dean and yes," I stated emotionless. 

"Interesting," she smirked before paying attention. 

I couldn't focus on anything for the rest of the day after that.

/What was she planning?/

"Coming?" Dean asked because I was taking a while to actually walk up to the car. 

"Yeah," I said. I felt him pull on my hand a little bit which made me look at him. "What?" I asked as I saw Jessica get into the car. 

"What's wrong with you?" He asked me concerned. I was glad he felt better from earlier. 

"Anna," was all I said before I got into the back. Dean got in and we were about to drive away when there was a knock on the window. Dean rolled it down. 

"Can I get a ride?" Anna asked him in a seductive tone. I felt jealousy flare through me and I was suddenly grateful that Jessica was sitting up front.

"Uh, I guess," Dean said which allowed her to get in behind Jessica. "Where do you live?" He asked looking at her through the mirror. 

"Oh, you don't have to take me home. I can just go with you guys," she said with a smile. I saw Jessica's face turn to pure annoyance. 

"Honey, no you can't. We're doing something very important tonight so no," she said. 

"Well, I can help!" She tried. "Cassie, c'mon!" I squeezed my eyes shut and I felt a hand on mine. I looked up to see Jessica smiling at me softly.

"Anna, no. It's very important. You can't go and if you can't accept that then get out," Dean said suddenly. She huffed and got out before storming away. 

We started driving to Dean's house and everyone seemed to relax.

"What is she trying to do? Why is she always clinging to you, Cas? And calling you Cassie," Jessica laughed, shaking her head.

"I know. She thinks we're still best friends. She lost that when she started to bully me though. She's up to something. I know she is," I admitted. Jessica patted my leg as we pulled into the driveway. 

"Well, don't worry about it. We're not going to leave you, okay?" She assured and I couldn't help but smile. 

"Thanks, Jessica," I told her as I got out. We all walked up to the door and walked into the house. 

"SAMMY!" Dean yelled. There wasn't an answer. 

"He might be as-" we all looked on the couch and saw him passed out with a trash can next to him. 

"Well that answers that. Do you wanna hang with us for a while?" Dean as Jessica.

"Nah, I'll just wait until he wakes up," she smiled and Dean grabbed my hand and started pulling me up the stairs and he nodded. He pulled me into his room and shut his door. 

"I missed you," he said as he pressed his lips against mine. 

"We weren't away from each other for that long," I said, kissing him back. 

"I know but I still missed you," I smiled. 

"I missed you too," I told him and let him take over the kiss, feeling his tongue push apart my lips and start licking inside my mouth. I let the moan escape the back of my throat but he swallowed it.

I felt his hand start to rub me through my pants and I gasped. He broke apart and started to kiss down my neck. 

"D-Dean," I breathed out. He shifted and replaced his hand with his knee and started to grind it against me. I moaned a little louder only to have Dean cover my mouth. 

"You gotta be quiet, baby. Sammy, Jess, or dad could walk up here and hear," he whispered and I did my best to nod but I just let my head fall back against the wall. 

I felt my stomach start to coil just as my phone started ringing. I shakily fished it out of my pocket and saw it was father. 

"D-Dean," I whined. He looked at me and I showed him the screen. "Stop," I moaned as he sped up for a second before halting. I pressed answer. "Hello?" I said as stably as I could. 

"Castiel, are you at Dean's?" He asked. 

"Yes, f-father," my voice cracked as Dean smirked and moved his leg again. 

"Are you okay?" He asked and I hummed in response because I knew my voice wouldn't be stable. "Alright. I was just wanting to tell you I'm sorry for this morning," he said. 

"It's, ah, it's okay, father," I said with a little moan. I wanted to kill Dean right now. 

"Okay. Are you sure you're okay?" He asked and I felt my stomach clench, signaling I was about to cum.

"Yes. I have to go though. Love you, bye," I rushed out and heard a faint bye before I hung up and shifted my hips just a tad before I let out a long moan. I grabbed Dean's shoulders as I came in my pants before feeling my legs give out. 

Dean caught me and held me up, chuckling. 

"I hate you," I panted out making him laugh even more. 

"Oh c'mon. I had to. It was risky," he winked. I smacked his chest as I regained myself again. "It was sexy!" 

"Just like you," I teased, kissing him before pushing him away from me. He smiled and I glanced down to see his dick hard against his pants and I smirked. "Looks like you've got yourself a little problem," I said, pressing my hand against it. He gasped and let his head roll back. 

"Yes I do, thanks to you," he said breathily. 

"That's too bad," I teased.

"Why?" He asked confused. 

"Because I'm not going to help you," I said as I let go and started out the door. I heard him whine as I shut it behind me. I let out a laugh as I made my way downstairs where Jessica and Sam were. 

"Hey, Cas," they both said when I entered the room. 

"Hello," I smiled. 

"Where's Dean?" Sam asked as he sat up. 

"Dealing with himself," I said in that certain tone and his face crinkled up.

"Ewwww!" He said childish which made Jessica laugh. I smiled at them and sat down almost right as their father walked in. "Hey, dad," Sam said with a yawn. 

"Hey, Sammy. Feeling better?" He asked as he waved at Jessica and I. 

"A bit, yeah. Hey, listen dad, I have something to tell you actually," he started and I practically felt the fear radiating off him and Jessica. I heard footsteps down the stairs as I patted Sam on the back. 

"Hey, dad!" Dean said with a smile, his hair all messy. He looked good. 

"Hello, Dean. Now, what do you want to tell me?" He asked Sammy. Dean sat down next to me and grabbed my hand. 

"Please don't kill me okay?" He started. 

"Samuel," his father warned getting impatient. 

"I-uh. Well, you're uh- you're going to be a-um a grandpa?" He squeaked out, holding Jessica's hand tightly. The room fell silent and I could sense a very tense feeling. 

"So, you're telling me, that my son who is supposed to be a Freshmen, got a girl pregnant?" He said, shifting his stance, crossing his arms. 

"Mhm," both Jessica and Sam hummed with a small nod. 

"And you're sure it's yours?" He asked. 

"He's the only who has..." She trailed of hoping he would understand.

"Sam, you're only 15 going on 16. And Jessica, you're only 17 going on 18, am I correct?" They nodded. "I don't think you two are parent-ready yet," he stated. 

"But what are they supposed to do then?" I found myself speaking before I could stop myself. I immediately looked down at my hands when everyone looked at me. "Sorry," I whispered. 

"Well, there's not a lot they can do, Castiel. They either are going to keep it or abort it," he said looking back at them and I looked over at Dean who's face turned disgusted at the word abort. 

"Don't abort. Please," he told them and they shook their heads. 

"We're keeping it, John," Jessica said with a smile. 

"Alright. I'll do everything I can to help," he said. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks, dad. How come you weren't mad though?" Sam asked curiously. And honestly, I think we all were curious. 

"Because your mom had your brother here when she was about Jess' age also. Granted I was a grade above her but still. I can't say anything too bad," he explained and everyone's went wide. 

"Mom had me when she was 17?" Dean asked surprised.

"Yes," he stated. "Now, I'm going to be in my study doing work, okay?" We all nodded and he walked away. We sat in silence for a minute. 

"That went well," I said finally. 

"It really did though ," they agreed. They all started to talk but I wasn't listening. 

Instead I was focused on the red head riding her bike down the street, looking at our house. 

Is that Anna?

What is she doing here?


	23. Chapter 23

I gasped as lips latched onto the back of my neck. I leaned my head forward a bit as arms wrapped around my torso.

Honestly, I don't understand how I didn't notice him get into my bed.

"Hey, baby," Dean whispered into my ear. I smiled and rolled over to face him. 

"Hi," I giggled. We were at my house right now. It had to be like four in the morning. I yawned and cuddled into him. "What time is it?" I asked him as I hugged him tightly. 

"About four-thirty," he said, pressing a kiss to my head. I groaned and leaned back to look at him through the little light of my night light. 

Don't judge. 

"Why are you here then? We have like two more hours!" I said in a whisper-yell thing.

"Because I missed you and I couldn't fall back asleep," he said with a smile. His smile really could kill me. 

"Well, sleep," I said, rolling back over and scooting to the side some to make room. I felt his body right against mine, spooning me. His arms wrapped around me tighter and pulled me as close as possible. I smiled in content as I fell back into a light sleep.

"Castiel!" I jumped up startled when I heard father yell my name. I looked down to see Dean shifting but he didn't wake up. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding before quietly getting out of bed.

I put some pants on, considering I was only in boxers, and went downstairs.

"What?" I yawned. 

"Well, it's time to get up, but is Dean here?" He asked pointing to the impala outside.

"Yeah. He came in at like four-thirty or something. I tried to tell him to go home but he wouldn't so now he's asleep upstairs," I explained stretching. 

"Okay. Anyway, how are things with Anna?" He asked as he poured me a bowl of cereal.

"I'm not sure. Yesterday when I was at Dean's, we had just got done telling his father that Jessica was pregnant and I looked out the window," I paused to take a bite and chew. "And I saw her riding a bike and looking at their house," I finished, taking another bite.

Cocoa Pebbles. Yum.

"Huh. That's odd," he said with a frown. He turned back around to pour him another cup of coffee. "I suppose you should go get Dean up then," he said as he took a drink. I took my last bite before I drank the milk and stood up with the bowl. Father grabbed it and I made my way up the steps and into my room to see Dean sprawled out across my bed. I smiled. 

I quietly made my way over to him before I crawled on top of him and started to run my hands up and down his stomach. I leaned down to kiss him when he started to stir. 

A few seconds of kissing him, I felt his lips push back against mine and two hands grab at my waist. I smiled into the kiss before I pulled back and looked at him as he slowly cracked his eyes.

"Well, that's one way to wake up," he teased. I chuckled before pushing his hands off and getting off of him and the bed. 

"Get up. It's school time almost," I said as I started to change my shirt. I looked in the mirror for a second and felt my stomach drop at the sight.

I had pudge.

My arms were all sliced up.

My back I know had an engraving on it for now.

I felt arms around me again which snapped me out of my trans.

"You're perfect," Dean whispered and I nodded at him, pecking his lips before finishing putting on my shirt. "Can I borrow some clothes?" He asked and I perked up.

I'd never seen Dean dressy so why not now?

I smiled and threw him some of my dress pants and a different color shirt than mine. Yes, I have different colors other than white. 

"Really?" He chuckled. 

"You asked and I gave!" I said back, doing a hand motion to tell him to hurry up. He shook his head as he started to strip from his clothes. I couldn't help but stare I mean. When you have a man this good looking in nothing but boxers, you have to stare.

"Like what you see?" His voice made me look at his face before at the ground. I felt my heat up as he laughed. "I'm only teasing, Cas," he said.

I looked up as he was finishing the top button on his shirt. I smiled.

"You look nice," I said truthfully.

"Thank you," he said smiling. I grabbed his hand and we walked downstairs.

"Good morning, Mr. Novak," Dean said to my father. He smiled at Dean.

"Good morning, Dean. How was your sleep?" He asked him.

"Pretty good," Dean said looking at me. I smiled before letting his hand go and starting to put my shoes on. My stomach was starting to feel upset.

"That's good. You boys have a good day today, okay?" Father said. 

"Okay, sir," Dean said for the both of us as I halted my movements.

"Father," I said feeling sick all of a sudden.

"Yes, Castiel?" He asked as I moved slightly.

"I don't feel good. I feel like I'm going to-" my hand flew to my mouth as I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, throwing up right as I got to the toilet thankfully.

I spit into it before wiping a towel across my mouth before sitting back. Dean and father were standing there in the doorway looking at me with worried looks. My stomach felt better but I don't know how long that'll last.

"Well, looks like you're staying home yet again," father said as Dean walked over to me.

"You feeling okay?" He asked. 

"Better for now," I laughed slightly. He smiled at me and rubbed my back.

"I think Sam gave you his stomach bug," he teased and I only nodded.

"Alright, well, Dean, I suppose you better be getting to school. Would you mind telling your father that Castiel is out again?" Father asked Dean as he stood up.

"Yeah, no problem, Mr. Novak," he said before kissing the top of my head. "I'll come by later. Bye, babe, feel better," he whispered before leaving. I couldn't help the smile that made it's way onto my face.

"C'mon, Castiel. Let's get you bak to bed," father said as he helped me up. We walked back into my room and I laid down, smelling my pillow because it smelled like Dean, and father put a trash can by me. "Get some rest, son," he said kissing my head softly. I nodded and closed my eyes.

I felt myself falling asleep with the smell of Dean filling my nose.

-Dean's POV.-

I was late to school.

By the time I had left Cas' it was already five minutes after school started.

I ran inside and to dad's office, opening the door to see him sitting there on his computer.

"You decided to come," he said flatly. "Close the door," he told me and I obeyed before looking down.

"Dad, I can explain, I was at Cas' and-" he held his hand up and stood up.

"Dean, I think that this Castiel is getting in the way of your schooling," he told me, walking towards me. I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

"What're you saying?" I asked confused and cautiously.

"I think you two should take a break from each other," my eyes went wide as his words set in.

"No! I'm not breaking up with him!" I said defensively.

"He's never here and you're always late to school!" His voice raising a little bit.

"I've always been that way! It's not because of Castiel! Dad, don't make me break up with him. Please," I was practically begging. "You even like him! He's an amazing person! He gets along with Sammy and Jess," I begged.

"Dean-" I cut him off.

"I think I love him, dad!" I said voice hitching a bit.

"You mean you really like him," he said as if he doesn't want to hear what I had said.

"No, I think I may be in love with him," I whispered as it actually made since to me now. I do love him. There wasn't any questions about it.

Dad was silent for a second before he sighed.

"Get to class," was all he said and I don't think I ever obeyed anything he said faster than I did that.

I didn't talk to anyone for the whole day until lunch. I had spent the whole actually thinking about why I thought I loved Cas.

There's too many reasons.

"Dean! There you are! Where were you this morning and where is Cas?" Sammy asked. I just shrugged slightly.

"He's sick," I told him as I felt someone sit next to me.

"Hey, Anna," Jessica said with a smile. I mentally growled but waved at the red head next to me.

"Hello, Jess. Hi, Sam. Hi, Dean," she smiled. She's clingy. I don't like it, but she is really pretty. I have to admit that.

"Hey," Sammy said. I had my head down on the table, smiling as I thought about Cas.

"What's wrong, Dean?" Anna asked me and I felt her hand on my thigh. I lost my smile as I lifted my head up and looked at her.

"Nothing. Just thinking about Cas," I told her, moving her hand. She only put it back.

"Did you two have a fight? It's okay. I'm here for you," she said, her hand moving closer to my dick.

"No, we didn't fight. He's sick and I'm worried," I said pushing her hand away yet again.

"Dean Winchester to my office please," dad came on the intercom and everyone looked over at me.

I stood up slowly, not really wanting to see him again but walking away.

There were whispers because I was nearly never called down during lunch.

I walked in and stood by the door. He was fixing something on the wall, a picture of him, mom, and I. She was pregnant with Sammy at the time.

"Yes?" I said getting his attention.

"Take a break from him," he said almost immediately. "You're too young to love someone. I didn't think I loved your mom until I was about 20," he told me. "If you think this now, you need to take a break."

I was speechless. 

I started shaking my head.

"No. You can't tell me that I can't love him," I told him sternly.

"How do you know you love him, Dean?" He was trying to stay clam.

"Because every time I see him my stomach flips out. Every time he smiles, I get goosebumps. Whenever we kiss, I feel electricity shoot through me. I just know!" I said losing my cool.

"You're a hormone filled boy," he stated, his calm dissolving slowly. I shook my head.

"No," was all I said before I walked out the door, slamming it in the process. I walked back through the cafeteria, ignoring Sam's questions as I walked out the door and around the corner of the school.

I leaned back against the wall and rubbed my face.

I love him. He can't tell me otherwise.

I looked over when I heard a noise and saw Anna walking to me.

"What do you want?" I asked harsher than I expected.

"To see if you're okay," she said, standing awfully close.

"I'm fine. Go back inside," I told her.

"You're not fine. You wouldn't be out here, all alone," she started to trail her finger down my chest. It was like I was trapped in a spell and couldn't move.

"I'm fine," I tried again. She didn't budge. She leaned up and looked me in the eyes.

"Maybe this'll help get rid of the gay in you," before I could question her, her lips were on mine. My eyes went wide and something in me snapped finally and pushed her away.

"What're you doing?!" Sammy asked shocked as he walked towards us.

"He kissed me! I told him no because he had a boyfriend but he kissed me anyway!" Anna lied. I gasped.

"No I didn't! You kissed me!" I practically yelled. The bell rang.

Sam shook his head at me and walked away.

Did he really believe her over his own brother?

I spent the rest of the day trying to think if Sam was going to tell Cas.

God I hope not.

I got into the car and waited for Sam to get in before I started it and pulled away as I saw Anna walking towards us.

"Why did you kiss her?" He asked after a minute of driving.

"I didn't! She kissed me! I wouldn't do that to Cas!" I told him defensively.

"You've done this before, Dean," he said and I was honestly offended. 

"You're seriously believing her over me. Wow, okay, Sam. Whatever," I said. I didn't want to talk about this.

"Dean, I believe you but I know you've done it before so her side seems believable too. Plus, I know that Cas is a guy and Anna is a girl and I know that you're more likely to fall for a girl and-" I slammed on the brakes knowing no one was behind me.

"I fucking love Cas, okay?! Why can't anyone believe that! First dad and now you! You of all people I thought would actually understand but you don't! No one does! You say you love Jess and dad freaking believes you! How come its so hard for him to believe that I love Cas? God, I'm so fucking done with everyone!" I said opening the door and slamming it shut. "Drive yourself home! I'm fucking walking!" I yelled and started to walk away.

I heard the car pull over before it turned off and there were tears in my eyes.

"Dean!" Sam yelled. I glanced back to see him starting to run towards me.

"Go away, Sam!" I yelled as I started to run. I knew Cas' house wasn't far from here and that's where I was going. 

"DEAN GET BACK HERE!" He screamed. I ignored him, running through little alleys between houses.

I felt a tear fall from my eye but I wiped it away. I felt myself lose my breath as I approached his house. I saw a car in his driveway that wasn't his dad's though. There was someone in a military outfit waiting for the door to open.

I stopped walking and when it opened, there was a loud yell of 'Luci'. I knew it was Cas who answered the door and his brother was home.

I smiled to myself and decided against going to his house. I'd give him some happiness before I told him what happened today.

I started walking home when dad's car pulled up beside me.

"Dean, get in the car," he said. Sam was in the passenger seat.

"No. I'm fine. I'll walk," I said looking away from them.

"Get in the car," he demanded. I stopped walking and got in the car finally. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He asked. "Sam told me about your little outbreak." 

"Outbreak? Seriously?" I was done. I didn't want to deal with this.

"Yes, outbreak," he said.

"Okay," was all I said. I didn't answer any of the other questions he asked. When we got home, I immediately went up to my room and shut my door, locking it.

I felt my phone start ringing and I pulled it out, relieved to see it was Cas.

"Hey, babe," I said smiling slight.

"Dean! Guess what!" He said excitedly.

"What?" I asked.

"Luci is home!" He squealed. "He's in the shower right now but he's home!" He sounded so happy.

"That's great," I said happily.

"Yes! How was your day?" He asked me.

"Well, it was eventful. Dad thinks that-" I was cut off by knocking.

"Dean, it's me, Sammy," he said through the door. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

I got up and opened the door before laying back on my bed and finishing.

"Dad thinks that I should break up with you just because he thinks our relationship is messing with my schooling," I explained. It was quiet on his end for a second and Sam looked shocked.

"R-really?" He sounded upset now and I sighed.

"Yeah. But I'm not going to. I like you way too much to do that," I said with a smile.

"Oh okay," he was scared still.

"I promise okay?" He hummed in response.

"Anything else?" He asked trying to get away from the subject.

"Yeah. But I'm not gonna say yet. You should be enjoying your brother's company," I told him and I practically heard the smile.

"Okay. I think father wants to watch a movie though. I'll call you later if I don't fall asleep. Okay?" He said. 

"Yeah. Alright. Bye, Cas. Don't get sick again alright?" I teased making him laugh.

"I'm feeling better. I threw up two more times but I feel a lot better. Anyway, bye, Dean," I said bye before we both hung up.

I looked over at Sam who was spinning in my chair to my desk.

"What do you want?" I asked aggravated.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry. I didn't think dad was mad at you and I definitely didn't know that he's trying to break you and Cas up," he said looking at me. I shifted to sit up.

"Yeah, well now you know," I said. We sat in silence for a while before I felt myself tense up at the thought of Sam telling Cas that I kissed Anna.

"Well, I'll be in my room if you need me," he said, standing and walking to the door.

"Sammy," I said looking up at him.

"Yeah?" He asked, turning back to me.

"You believe me right? That Anna kissed me and I didn't kiss her?" I asked kind of scared.

"Yeah, I believe you. I won't tell Cas either," he said with a reassuring smile.

"Thanks," I said and he nodded before leaving. I took a deep breath and let it out as I plopped back down on my bed.

Cas was right. Anna is trying to take everything away from him.


	24. Chapter 24

Dean walked into my house, his eyes watering.

"Dean? Hey, what's wrong?" I asked concerned. I haven't seen him in a few days because he said he's giving me time with Lucifer which I really appreciate. At the moment though, father and Luci are both gone.

"Cas, I have to tell you something," he said as he stood in front of me. I felt instantly scared. 

What if he breaks up with me? Oh god no. Please.

"What?" I asked cautiously.

"That day you were out sick, I had a fight with dad. I told you about it that day," he started.

"The one where he was trying to break us up?" I asked and he nodded.

"Well, now he finally got over it thankfully but, that day. I had walked outside and around the corner where I took you when me and him had a fight, you know?" He asked and I nodded. "Well, Anna. She- you're right. She's trying to take everything from you," he admitted. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"How do you know?" I asked, grabbing his hands in mine and holding them tightly.

"She kissed me that day and told Sammy that I kissed her because he saw," he explained. Rage flew through my blood like some sort of drug.

I felt Dean pull his hands away from mine and put them on my shoulders.

"Babe, you know I would never do that to you," he said and that was when I realized I had tears in my eyes.

Had I really just thought he was lying?

"I know," I whispered but honestly I don't know why but I couldn't shake the thought of him cheating on me willingly from my head.

I backed away from him and turned around.

"Cas?" He said from behind me. I took a deep breath, feeling my body shake slightly. I'm not sure if it was from anger or what.

"Dean, I don't know when Lucifer and father are going to be back and I know if Luci sees you, he won't be nice. I've told him about everything because he's my brother and I promised him I would and he's not happy with you," I tried to dodge the subject of him trying to convince me that he wouldn't do such a thing.

"Okay, but Castiel, please. You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Not after what had happened and I regret that day every single second of every day. I feel absolutely terrible and it eats me up inside and I can't take it half the time. I don't want you to think that I would ever hurt you like that again," he told me, his voice was shaking and I turned around and saw that he was looking up and taking a deep breath as if trying to stop himself from crying.

I couldn't help but to practically throw myself at him, hugging him tightly.

"I'm sorry, Dean," I whispered in his ear. He wrapped his arms around my waist tightly and I leaned back and pressed my lips against his in a heated kiss.

He spun us around and pressed me against the wall next to the door and I let out a small gasp when his hands moved from my hips to my ass. 

I let out a moan when he moved from my lips to my neck. His hands moved down to my thighs and picked me up, my legs hooking around his waist.

There was a rattle of the door handle and I was immediately dropped to the floor and we practically ran to sit on the couch, me tripping and landing on top of Dean in a very sexual way, making him moan considering my leg ground down on him.

"Castiel, we're ho-Oh! Castiel!" Father exclaimed and I quickly scrambled to my feet, face on fire. "I leave you home alone for an hour and I come home to this? What will your brother think?" He said just as Luci walked in.

"What will I think of what?" He asked, rounding the corner. I had my head down almost immediately.

"Father, it's not what it looked like," I tried but my voice stammered. Dean quickly stood up and stood next to me.

"Cas, what happened?" Luci asked. "And you know how I feel about this one," he said, his voice sharpening and I knew he was talking about Dean.

"I know, Lucifer," I turned to Dean. "I think you should go. I'll call you later, okay?" I whispered.

"Are you sure?" He asked, grabbing my hand.

"Yeah, bye," I said, kissing his cheek and he left. I looked back up, still feeling really embarrassed. "I'm sorry, father. He came by to tell me something Anna had done and he was trying to make sure I believed him and you guys came in and we freaked out and I tripped I landed on him like that and I'm sorry," I explained quickly.

"What did Anna do?" Lucifer asked me.

"She kissed him and I don't know why but I didn't believe him at first and I kept thinking he was lying and he was trying to make me believe that he wouldn't do that to me or hurt me again and he was about to cry and-" he put his hand up.

"You're rambling again, Cas," he stated. I sighed and let him grab my wrist and take me upstairs.

We entered my room and I plopped down on my bed, feeling an itching feeling on my back. I scratched it and looked over at Lucifer.

"Luci, I know you don't like him because he made me almost kill myself but-" he cut my off.

"I don't care, Castiel. Father deals with him and I don't know how. Especially when you guys have sexual contact so much," he stated.

"We don't even do that that much! I am still a virgin and it's gonna stay that way until I'm stable again and I don't know how long that'll take," I told him, voice raising slightly.

"He hurt you badly, Cas. I don't want that to happen again. I think maybe you should break up with him for now and may-" I stood up off the bed which made him stop talking. I grabbed Gabriel's feather off my nightstand and walked over to where I kept the rest.

I grabbed Lucifer's feather and held them both tightly in my hands.

"What're you doing?" He asked confused. I turned around and looked at him.

"These are feathers of my brothers. The ones who told me that they would protect me but also listen to everything I have to say before jumping to conclusions. The ones who would give someone another chance. What happened to that?" I asked.

"It's still here, it's just, I'm afraid he'll hurt you again," he told me. I glanced over at the door which started to open and father walked in but I didn't stop.

"I understand that, Lucifer. But what would you do," I took a deep breath. "If I told you that I think I may be in love with him?" I said and his eyes widened.

"Are you being serious?" He asked shocked.

"It was bound to happen, Lucifer," father said as my back shot pain through me for a second before I felt a tickling. I reached under my shirt and grabbed the thing before realizing it was another feather.

I pulled it out and looked at it.

"It's another one," I whispered, looking up. Luci sighed and looked at me.

"Alright. I'll give him another chance but that doesn't mean I have to like him, okay?" I nodded and hugged him.

"Thank you," I said in his neck. I felt him kiss the top of my head and I smiled.

"Castiel, I don't want to see any of what happened earlier on the couch, okay? It all stays in the bedroom," father said sternly. I pulled away from Lucifer for a second and nodded.

"Yes, sir," I said which made him smile before he left my room.

"So, cuddle and movie?" Luci asked with a smile and I nodded enthusiastically. 

We quickly picked a movie out and made our pallet on the floor of covers like we always did when Gabriel was here and cuddled into each other.

I pressed play on the movie and cuddled into my brother more.

I felt content again.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short as hell. I apologize.

My phone was ringing and that's what woke me up.

I groaned and grabbed it from beside me and looked at it.

Dean

I quickly hit answer.

"Hello?" I said with a yawn.

"Cas, babe, I have an idea to get Anna off of your back while getting back at her," he said into the phone. I pulled the phone away and looked at the time.

5:34am.

"Dean, you do realize we don't have to be up for another hour, right?" I said with a small groan.

"I know, I'm sorry to wake you up. Dad woke me up and I figured out a way to get Anna off your back," he explained. I still had my eyes closed and I hummed to try to get him to tell me. "Okay. So you know how she's trying to take everything away from you?"

"Yeah," I whispered.

"Well, we need to make her think she has. Meaning, for a little bit, at school you wouldn't be able to talk to us or hold my hand or anything and-" I had to stop him.

"Dean, stop. You're telling me to not talk to you guys. To go back to not having any friends?" I asked, sitting up despite the time.

"No, well, yes, but that's not what I meant. I'll still give you rides and I'll make Sammy move to the back so we can be together. I'll be at your house all the time for a week or two, okay?" He explained more. "And then, we'll just completely ditch her or something."

I took a deep breath. "When do we start?" I asked knowing I would regret this decision, but it's okay. It's only a prank.

"Today," he said and I could tell he was smiling. I opened my bed side drawer and saw the silver shiny thing reflect off the light. I closed it knowing I should throw that away.

"Okay," I whispered. "I'm going to try to sleep for the next few minutes okay? Night, Dean," I told him.

"Night, babe," he hung up and so did I. I plopped down on my back again.

This is going to be a hard, long week.


	26. Chapter 26

I had gotten into Dean's car that morning and I hadn't spoken a thing.

Dean was worried and so was Sam. I had told Sam to stay up front so it wouldn't look suspicious.

"Cas, babe," Dean looked back in the mirror. I looked up at him from my hands in my lap. "Are you okay?" He asked, Sam looking back at me now.

"I'm fine, Dean. Please stop asking," I told him politely. He sighed, but obeyed.

We pulled into the school and Sam got out. I didn't though and neither did Dean. We sat there in silence, me still in the back.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to," he said suddenly, his voice filling my ears.

"I don't want to because I know that I'll be alone, but I want Anna off my back," I admitted. He got out and opened the back door before sliding in next to me and shutting the door.

"I understand that, but I also know how you are. I don't want you to start..." He trailed off and looked down at my arms. I immediately started to mess with them.

"I-I would say I won't, but I don't know if I will or not," I said truthfully. Suddenly, his hands were on my face and he was staring at me.

"If you ever feel like it, tell me. Please. I don't want to lose you," he whispered, pressing his lips to mine. I pulled away from him quickly though and he looked hurt, but mostly confused.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I just feel like if I don't start distancing myself now, I won't be able to," I said before getting out of the car and walking the other direction.

I had tears in my eyes, but I couldn't let people see. I felt my phone vibrate in my pants, but I ignored it.

I walked into school with my head down, hearing the normal comments I heard everyday, only they seemed to be louder than normal. It was like people were shouting them at me even though there wasn't even anyone saying anything towards me.

I walked into my first period and put my head down. I took a deep breath, only to have a pain shoot up my back for a split second and there was something tickling my back.

I reached under my shirt only to pull out another black feather.

I put it in my lap and stared at it before grabbing Gabriel's feather out of my pocket.

Survive this for Gabby.

\----

By lunch time, I had been told by Dean to sit by them, I was already a mess. No one noticed really, but I couldn't get Gabriel out of my mind, nor the fact that I'm about to have to watch Anna steal my boyfriend from me.

"Hey, babe. How's your day been?" Dean's voice caught me off guard and made me jump before I actually looked at him. "Are you okay?" He was worried.

"I'm fine, Dean. It's been good, yours?" I asked, changing the subject.

"It's been pretty good. The usual, people just calling me names out of spite," he said. 

You don't know the half of it.

"Anna! Hey!" I heard Jessica call. I instantly put my head down on the table. I felt a hand on my back before Dean was whispering in my ear.

"Cas, c'mon. I want to talk to you," he said. I took a deep breath before getting up, waving at Anna slightly, before following Dean outside.

We had walked around the corner of the building and I leaned against the wall. "Yes?" I said, looking at him. He looked troubled and guilty.

"Cas, I know you hate this thing we're doing with trying to get Anna off your back," he started.

"I more than hate it, Dean," I interrupted.

"I know, but to make this work, we have to at least seem like we've uh," he stopped. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at his face.

Pure guilt.

I was trying to figure out what he meant until I felt a knot in my stomach, a lump in my throat, and my eyes grow wide.

"No," I whispered mainly to myself.

"Cas," he tried.

"You're breaking up with me?" I asked him. If he was expecting me to be stable after this, he's crazy.

"No, not for real. We just have to act like it, okay? I promise, we're still together," he said as he cupped my face.

"Dean, I don't like this. I don't know if I'll be about to-" I felt a pair of lips pressed to mine. I instantly melted into the kiss before he pulled away.

"I'll always be yours, okay? Always," he whispered and I nodded, the lump in my throat still there. He backed up and looked at me. "Are you okay?" He asked. I put my hand in my pocket on the two feathers.

"Yeah," I told him even though I wasn't sure. "You go in first. It'll make it seem more real," I said. He nodded, kissed my forehead one more time before leaving and walking around the building again to the door.

I took a deep, shaky breath as I felt a tear slip from my eye finally. I eventually walked back inside and heard Anna 'comforting' Dean as I walked by.

"You're a bitch, you know that?" I heard her say just as I passed. I froze. "You really think you can just do that to Dean? God, you're so selfish."

"He broke up with me," I said before I started walking again. I had to keep my head down because there were tears falling out of my eyes and the urge to cut was getting stronger.

I immediately went to the boys bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I turned around quickly before sitting on the floor against the wall before breaking.

I pulled out my phone and pressed 3 before automatically hitting call.

Hello, you've reached Gabriel. Sorry, dealing with my baby bro at the moment. Can't deal with you right now.

I pressed the end button and gripped my phone tightly as the tears kept falling. I wanted to break it. 

I tried again, but this time I actually called the right person.

"Hello? Castiel? You should be in school," Lucifer's voice came through the speaker.

"I-I'm," I let out a soft sob, hoping I wouldn't have to explain anymore.

"Cassie, are you okay? Do you need me to come get you? Where's Dean?" He asked. I heard him grab keys in the background.

"H-he's n-n-not," I tried to keep going, but I couldn't.

"It'll be okay. I'll be there in a minute. Just stay put, okay?" I hummed before hanging up. I needed help standing and I knew that. I tried to stand up, only to fall down again because my legs were weak.

The bell rang after another minute so I just decided to stay where I was.

I tried to calm down, and I did for the most part, but I was still crying, just not as much. I heard the door open before there was a gasp.

"Cas, holy shit, are you okay? You're bleeding," Sam's voice was familiar. I looked down and saw that I had been clawing at my arm for the past few minutes. He helped me up and went to wash my arm off, but I shook my head. "Cas, c'mon. Let me help," he tried again.

Castiel Novak to the principal's office for an early dismissal please.

"Help me get there, p-please," I said as steady as I could. He sighed, but nodded and helped me towards the door. We opened the door and almost ran right into Dean and Anna.

"Cas?" Dean said, voice laced with worry.

I ignored him and kept walking towards the office with Sam.

"I thought you two weren't actually broken up," Sam said.

"We aren't, but when it's for the Anna thing, we may as well be," I told him as we got there. Luci ran over to me and got me from Sam.

"Thank you," he said to Sam. Mr. Winchester followed us out and helped me into the car. 

"Castiel, are you alright?" He asked me. I nodded. He smiled at me and looked at my brother. "Has he been getting help?" He asked me.

"I'm not sure. I haven't been home for a while. I know he's been pretty bad because our brother not too long ago," Luci admitted.

"Well, if you wanted to get him some help, maybe put him in a help facility, I could get all his work to him," he suggested. Luci nodded with a smile.

"I'll talk it over with our father and Cas," he smiled. I watched Mr. Winchester walk away and Lucifer get into the car. 

"A help facility?" I asked, voice still shaky.

"A mental institute, Cas. It would help you a lot with your problem," he said, looking at me. I looked forward.

"For how long would I go?" I asked him, curious. I've always wanted help with my problems, but I never wanted to ask, and then I met Dean and everything just flew from my mind. Now, though, it seems like a good time to do it.

"Not long. We'd still have to talk to father about it too," he said as he drove out. I didn't respond though, only shut my eyes and tried to fall asleep.

I felt myself being put down on my bed, but I didn't open my eyes. I listened to father and Lucifer have the conversation about putting me away.

Father was on the verge of saying no, but he's been wanting me to get better for real.

"I just, I can't send my son away like that, Lucifer. I'm not doing that," father said. I mentally sighed, but let myself fall back asleep as I heard them start fighting.

When I woke up, I woke up screaming and crying.


	27. Chapter 27

/I looked around the room I was in. It was pitch black except for a light shining on me.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said as he walked up to me. I smiled at him.

"Hi, Dean. How are you?" I asked him, reaching for his hands.

"I'm alright, you?" He said, pulling his hands out of my reach. I was confused.

"Good, now that this whole Anna thing is over with," I said, leaning forward to peck his lips. He leaned back, causing my confusion to flare.

"Listen, I need to talk to you about that," he said, sitting down in a chair.

"What?" I asked, worried.

"We need to break up. During that week, I fell for Anna. She's perfect. She's funny, nice, great at sex-" my eyes widened.

"Wait. Y-you had sex with her?" I asked, ignoring the first part for now. Granted it hit me like a shit ton of bricks, but I'm curious on when he cheated on me.

"Like, a few days ago," he said as if I should've known that. My heart shattered as I let the words sink in.

I felt tears come to my eyes as the lights came on. Everyone was standing around us, laughing.

"I mean, c'mon, Cassie. You really think that I wouldn't take everything from you again?" Anna laughed, evilly.

I fell to the floor, seeing no escape, and curled up around myself as they all laughed and yelled mean things at me. There was one that stuck out though that Dean screamed.

"A depressed fag like you doesn't deserve to be loved!"/

 

I woke up screaming, tears streaming down my face, and father running into my room along with Lucifer.

"Castiel, what's wrong?" Father asked, pulling me into a hug. Luci was pushing my hair away from my face.

"B-bad d-d-dream," I cried. They both sighed and sat there quietly, waiting for me to calm me down.

It wasn't until there was a knock on the door that I fully stopped crying. I was in Luci's grip now since father moved to go answer the door.

"You're okay, Cassie. Where's Gabriel's feather?" He whispered into my hair.

"In the pocket of my coat," I whispered shakily. He nodded and went to move, but I didn't let him. "Don't move." He nodded and stayed where he was at.

"Castiel, it's Dean, Sam, and a girl," father said, peeking his head through my door.

"What girl?" I asked him confused.

"Anna," he said, making my eyes go wide as I shook my head violently. "Do you want to see Dean? He's here to pick you up for school."

I took a deep breath, holding back the tears that wanted to come out, and got up. I slid on a pair of pants and a different shirt, not dealing with my hair or putting my shoes on. I walked down stairs, father and Lucifer were right behind me.

"Hey," Dean said as he approached me, the smile on his face faded when he saw my face. "Have you been crying?" He asked, worried.

"Why did you bring her here?" I asked, quietly, ignoring him.

"She appeared at my house this morning," he answered. "Why were you crying?"

"It doesn't matter. I don't want to ride in the car with her. I'll walk or have someone take me," I told him. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"What? No. I'm taking you to school, Cas," he insisted.

"No. I don't want to be around her. I don't want you to be around her either," I paused and looked up as my eyes started to water.

"You're being ridiculous about this whole thing," he snapped.

"You don't understand," I tried, not wanting to fight. Of course, as always, I failed as preventing one.

"Like hell I don't understand. You're being a baby about it, Cas. If you don't want a ride, fine. Find your own goddamn ride for the rest of the year," he snapped, pushing me and stomped away. The tears in my eyes came fast as I ran back up the stairs and slammed my door shut. I looked out the window and saw all three of them walking outside. I grabbed the knife I had taken from Dean's car and opened my window.

"YOU TOLD ME TO TELL YOU WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE CUTTING. WELL, GUESS FUCKING WHAT! I FEEL LIKE FUCKING CUTTING!" I screamed, catching their attention as tears poured out of my eyes. I held my arm out and pressed the knife over the scars and pulled it across quickly, closing my eyes and putting my head forward at the bliss.

There were poundings on my door from Lucifer and father. I slid down the window and sat on my floor, watching the blood fall with blurry vision.

"YOU GET THE HELL AWAY FROM US!" Lucifer suddenly yelled. "ALL YOU HAVE DONE WAS CAUSE MY BROTHER PAIN EVER SINCE OUR BROTHER DIED! YOU DON'T DESERVE HIM!"

I knew he was yelling at Dean. I stood up and grabbed an old shirt, pressing it to the cut as the yelling kept going outside of my door. I slipped on my shoes after fixing my hair and slipped on my coat after wrapped a bandage around my arm.

I opened my door, making everyone stop what they were doing and look at me. Anna was smirking at me when I walked out.

"Cas-" I walked right passed everyone and down the stairs. I grabbed my bag and started towards the door.

"Bye father, bye Luci! I love you!" I yelled, walking out of the door. Tears were still falling down my cheeks as I started to walk in the direction of school despite the fact that I would be late.

I looked down at my feet, picturing my dream in my head again, cringing at the thought. I heard the all to familiar car pull up next to me.

"Castiel, please. Get in the car?" Dean asked, begging.

"No, I'm okay. You go. I'll meet you there," I assured, looking at him. His face was pure guilt, Sammy's face was filled with worry, and Anna still had that smirk on her face.

"Cas-" Anna cut him off.

"Dean, baby, let's go," she said, kissing his cheek. I looked away again and focused on the ground. I heard the car door open and shut before I actually noticed Sam had gotten out and was walking towards me.

"I'll make sure he gets there, Dean. Just go," he said to his brother. He hesitated, but went anyway. I waited for Sam to get next to me before I started walking again.

"Why did you do that?" I asked after a moment of silence. I wiped my face with the sleeve of my coat as he spoke.

"Because, obviously Dean doesn't understand that this plan of his is hurting you way more than Anna ever would've herself," he said, anger in his tone. There was an arm around my shoulder and I looked over. "What happened this morning? Dean said you were crying."

I sighed and nodded. He gave me a questioning look as we rounded a corner. "I had a nightmare last night. One of which Dean broke up with me for real and he had cheated on me with Anna. And everyone, even you and Jessica, were laughing at me and calling me names," I explained, voice quivering a bit.

"Jess and I wouldn't do that to you. Dean shouldn't either, but he's been acting weird lately," Sam said, putting his arm back down by his side. I stroked the feather in my pocket, thinking about how Sam was acting like Gabriel would in this situation.

"Thank you, Sam. For walking with me," I said to him. He smiled at me.

"Anytime, Cas. Dean just needs to get his head together," he said as we got in view of the school building, everyone walking inside.

"Can I tell you something that I have never told anyone outside of family?" I asked him as we got closer. Dean was waiting for us by his impala.

"Sure," he said.

"You can't tell anyone," I warned. He nodded and made an 'x' over his heart.

"Cross my heart," he said. I pulled out the feather and looked at it, slowing my steps. "What's that?" He asked.

"It's my brother, Gabriel's, feather. He died in war, as you know, but this is from when he got his trial," I explained slightly.

"Trial?" He asked, confused.

"He was trying to earn his wings. We are uh. I don't know how to put it," I mumbled. He patted me on the back.

"You don't have to tell me. We're almost there anyway," he mentioned. I looked up and saw we were about to enter the parking lot where Dean was waiting. I stopped walking and turned to Sam before hugging him.

"Thank you," I whispered into his shoulder. He hugged me back tightly before letting go again.

"Anytime," he smiled before we started walking again.

I pulled out my phone and called father quickly to avoid conversation with Dean.

"Castiel, have you got there safely?" He asked, worried.

"I'm okay, father. Tell Lucifer I love him. I'm at school now. I love you," I told him, walking right passed Dean, ignoring his attempts to talk to me.

"I love you too, son. Have a good day," he said. I hummed a goodbye before hanging up and entering the building.

I walked to my class and walked to my seat before getting my homework out.

I'm going to do anything to avoid them today.

\---

Lunch finally came and I decided to eat outside without letting Dean see me.

I sat down against the wall and began to eat the sandwich they had given us for lunch today. I felt my phone start ringing so I pulled it out, answering it.

"Hello?" I said into the speaker.

"Where are you?" Dean's voice shocked me for some reason.

"By myself," was all I said.

"Cas, please talk to me. I'm sorry about this morning. When you did that, I felt my heart being cut like your arm," he tried. It was surprisingly quiet where he was.

"It wasn't even bad. I can do way worse," I admitted.

"Please don't," he begged. "Can we talk in person?"

"Not here," I said before hanging up. He tried calling back, but I didn't pick it up. Only continued to eat my sandwich.

The bell had rang and I stood up, walked inside with my tray and school stuff, and started to walking to my next class. I put my hand over my arm where it was bandaged and sighed.

"Cas!" I heard someone call. I didn't listen. Only kept walking.

"Dean, stop trying here," I heard someone else say, assuming it was Sam. "He's not going to talk to you."

I turned into the bathroom next to my class and leaned against the wall. I gripped my phone in my pocket, tears threatening to fall.

No. I can do this.

The warning bell rang and I walked out and into my class.

\-----------

School ended and I had made my way outside, only to see Anna and Dean making out against his car. Jealousy flared inside of me.

I shook my head and kept walking, trying not to look at them again. I walked by his car, hoping they wouldn't notice, but of course, they did.

"It's a real shame you two broke up. I mean, kissing is really fun, I can't wait to see how fun you are in bed," Anna said loud enough so I could hear it. My eyes watered and I clenched my fists.

I reached in my pocket and grabbed both the knife and Gabby's feather, walking up to them. I pulled my hand out and held the knife to Dean.

"Here. This is yours. I didn't bother cleaning it," I told him, anger and hurt laced through my voice.

"What's this?" Anna grabbed the feather from my pocket and I gasped.

"Give it back!" I said, reaching for it. She held it away from me, a smirk on her face. Dean wasn't doing anything.

Wow. Thanks.

"What kind if feather is it?" She asked, bending it a little too far for my likings.

"GIVE IT BACK! IT WAS MY BROTHER'S!" I yelled, attempting to grab it again, but failing. "Dean! Do something!" I said to him, angrily. He just looked at me.

"What would happen if I bent it fully?" She smirked, slowly bending it. My eyes widened and I tried to grab it, but she had quickly bent it, snapping it in half.

I gasped, the color fading from the feather. She let it go, laughing, turning back to Dean who watched it fall. Tears flooded my eyes as I picked up the now dull yellow instead of golden feather.

"Get away from me. Don't talk to me again," I said to them both, tears falling already. I quickly took off running towards my house, tripping and falling when I got around the corner from the school.

I pulled out my phone, dialing Lucifer's number, before waiting, tears falling nonstop now.

"Cassie?" He answered.

"P-pick m-m-me up," I stuttered. I told him where before hanging up the phone and sitting there, looking at the feather. A car pulled around the corner, but it wasn't Lucifer's.

It was Dean's.

"Ca-" he tried.

"Fuck off!" I yelled which caught him by surprise. I never swear around him. "Leave! Please!" I said again, looking down the road to see Lucifer coming.

I stood up and ran to his car, making him stop quickly. I flipped Dean off before getting in the car, hugging my brother.

"What happened?" He asked me. I showed him the feather and he gasped. "Who did that?!" He said, angrily.

"A-Anna! Dean w-w-was right t-there and d-didn't do a-anything!" I cried. "I n-never w-w-want to see h-him a-again!"

"Alright. I'll make sure you won't see him, okay? Outside from school anyway," he assured me. I nodded and leaned back over as he turned around and started driving back to the house.

Once we got home, father was gone, I went straight to my room and started to try to put the feather back together.

"It won't go!" I cried, giving up. Luci wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"It's okay, Cassie. I have a box of his other feathers. You can have one of those, okay?" I wanted to protest, that it wasn't the same, but I could only nod.

By the time night came around, Lucifer had explained what I told him to father and he was now cuddled next to me in my bed. Dean had tried to call me multiple times, leaving messages each time.

I was about to fall asleep when his last call came through. I let it go to voicemail before actually listening to it.

Castiel, I am so sorry. I should've done something, but I just froze up. I don't know what happened. Sam thinks that this is your way of saying we're over, which I guess it is, but I'm struggling with that thought. Cas, I am so sorry. Please. Forgive me. Sweet dreams, Cas. Night.

I fell asleep with a tear running down my face.


	28. Chapter 28

A week had passed since that day, and I still haven't talked to anyone.

I talked to Jessica and Sam a few times, but not often. I became a person of myself again, haunted by the things people would say to me as I walked down the halls.

Right now, I am home alone, in my room, shirtless, listening to some music, and just staring at the broken mirror. It resembled me a lot in all honesty.

I hadn't gotten a call from Dean in a few days, I think he's done trying. I guess you could say we broke up, but I'm not sure if that's what I would say.

I closed my eyes as I heard the door open and close downstairs.

Lucifer must be home.

I had a grip on my arm, tracing the multiple different scars on it before going over the newer ones. I had sucked in a deep breath, wincing only slightly when I pressed too hard. They were still sensitive.

Someone knocked on my door and I opened my eyes to look only to see Dean standing there. I quickly sat up and put on my shirt before facing him, my heart racing.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, confused.

"I just wanted to see how you were. I know your brother won't let me anywhere near you, and I was just driving by and saw he wasn't here," he explained, shyly. I turned around and kept my back to him. I didn't want to end up looking weak in front of him, but then again, I'm already weak.

"Well, I'm fine," I said, flatly, feeling my arm slightly. I heard a sigh.

"I saw your arm, Cas. You're not fine," he said. I heard him walk towards me and I turned around, backing away from him. "Cas, please. I'm sorry, okay?"

"How are you and Anna," I said, jealousy laced through my voice.

"She's not you," he said to me. My back shot pain through me before I felt something soft against my skin. I put my arms behind me in order to make sure it wouldn't fall out.

"Well, she's better than me. She actually talks to people," I mumbled, backing up to my bed to sit down. I slowly put my hand up my shirt and grabbed the feather, before putting it under my leg quickly.

"Yeah, but she's not you. Cas, I miss you. I should've done something that day, I knew how much that feather meant to you. I'm still kid of confused on why it went from gold to dull yellow, but still. I should've done something," he tried. I looked in my lap just watched my hands.

"It's a long story," I whispered.

"And I'm interested to hear it," he said, kneeling down in front of me. "We can rip Anna off tomorrow in school, but I can only do that if you're there and willing to." His hand were on top of mine and they felt warm. I hadn't felt his hands in a while.

"I am, I just-" there was a car door outside. My head snapped up and without thinking, walked to the window to see Lucifer walking up to the door. "It's my brother," I said, panicked.

He stood up and went to walk through my door, to try to get out quickly, but Lucifer starts coming up the steps. He looks at me panicked even more now.

I didn't know what to do so I over to him and grabbed his face, pressing my lips to his. My body erupted. His hands immediately went to my waist.

It feels amazing to kiss him again.

"Cassie, I got you a-woah!" Luci said as he walked in. I pulled away from him, feeling slightly dizzy, before looking at him. "What is he doing here and what was going on?" He asked bother shocked and confused.

"He uh, he came over not to long ago because he wanted to talk to me and I just," I didn't know what to say. He crossed his arms, staring at Dean with a death glare. I saw Dean take a step back.

"I'll leave. I'm sorry," he said, walking towards the door, but something in me made me reach out and grab his hand to stop him.

"Don't leave," I said, looking at him. He nodded and laced our fingers together. I smiled slightly to myself.

"Dean, why do you think you deserve my little baby brother?" He asked, snottily. I smacked his arm.

"I don't. I truly don't deserve him. I have been such a big dick to him and then I thought I lost him and it killed me inside," Dean said.

"Castiel, could you give us a minute? I need to ask him something to see if I can give him one more chance," Luci asked me and I nodded hesitantly before leaving the room.

He shut my door and I leaned against the wall, licking my lips with a small smile on my face.

-Dean's POV.-

"Okay, listen. My brother really likes you. He always dreamt about you and then he would wake up crying because they weren't true. There is something about our family that you do not know and you won't know until Cas tells you that he loves you and you say it back. So I guess that's my question," he paused for a second as he studied my face. "Do you love him?" He asked.

My heart was racing. I knew what I was going to say, but I was almost afraid to say it for some reason. As if it would be the wrong answer or something.

Cas was outside of the room, what if he hears? I don't want him to know yet!

I took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes. "I love him," I said, honestly. I saw his lips twitch up into a quick smile before it was gone. There was a thud outside in the hallway, but neither of us thought about it.

"Good. Dean, I'm giving you one last chance with me. You hurt him again, I will hurt you, okay? He's the most important thing to me and you are his way of living for longer than he thinks he will," he explained, a hand on my shoulder.

"Okay. I won't hurt him again. I'm sorry for ever hurting him in the past," I told him and he nodded.

"Just don't do it again. He's fragile as it is. I don't want to end up losing him when he hasn't even graduated yet," he said, fear present in his voice. The thought struck fear inside of me a well.

"I promise I won't let that happen," I assured him. He took a deep breath as he nodded.

"Thank you," he said before he opened the door. We looked into the hallway and saw Cas on the floor, eyes closed. We immediately got next to him, trying to wake him up.

"Cas?" I said, shaking him a little, taking his face in my hands. "Cas!" I said, my voice cracking in the middle.

"Shit," I heard a whisper from Lucifer. I looked up and saw the blood seeping through the back of Castiel's shirt. "We need to get him to the hospital, now," he said as he picked him up.

"Do you want me to drive?" I asked, shakily.

"No, you say in the back with him. Don't lift his shirt, though please," he said, putting him in the back. I nodded and got in, putting Castiel's head on my lap as we took off to the hospital, Lucifer calling their dad.

Once we finally got there, I had blood all over me and I helped his brother take him inside. I was about to yell for a doctor, when he called for a specific one.

A man immediately came out and took Cas away, leaving Lucifer and I alone.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked him because he seemed way more calm than me.

"I told you there are things you don't know about us and this has to do with one of them. He'll be okay, Dean. Don't worry," he tried to comfort me. Castiel's dad rushed in and up to Lucifer and I, pausing when he saw me.

"What're you doing here, Dean?" He asked, confused. He wasn't mean about it though.

"He apologized to Cassie and I asked him a question and so now I'm giving him another chance," Lucifer explained.

"What did you ask?" He asked him. I kept glancing back at the doors that Cas went through.

"If he loved him," Lucifer said.

"And I do," I cut in. His dad smiled at me.

"Good. He loves you too," he said, hugging me. "You won't know what happened to him today for a while though, okay? It's something we don't tell people until after a certain thing happens."

"Yes, sir," I said just as a doctor came out.

"Dean Winchester?" I looked over him. "Castiel wants to see you," he told me. I nodded and followed a nurse to his room, only catching one part of what the doctor was saying, which made me really confused.

"His wings..."


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide mentions.

"Hey, babe. How are you doing?" Dean asked me as he sat down next to me. I was laid on my stomach because my back was still healing.

"I'm okay. My back doesn't hurt," I smiled at him the best I could. It was true, my back didn't hurt, but the doctor had told me that this little impulse with my back would slightly change the look of my wings and when they finally came out, it could vary with the pain. It could either be painless, or extremely painful.

"That's good. You scared the shirt out of me. Why did you back start bleeding so much?" He asked me, grabbing my hand.

"I-" I cut myself off, thinking if I should tell him.

He would freak out.

"I'm not sure," I said as a lie. I felt terrible lying to him, but I can't tell him right now. He would freak out and be really confused.

"Oh. Well I'm just glad you're okay," he smiled. I nodded the best I could before my father and brother walked in.

"Hello, Cassie," Lucifer smiled. I smiled at him as Dean stood up to let father sit down.

"Thank you, Dean," he said. "How are you feeling, Castiel?" He asked me.

"My back doesn't hurt," I told him truthfully.

"Good. Good. The doctor said that you could be taken home tonight, but you just need to be easy on your back," he told me. I attempted at nodding before closing my eyes.

"Can I talk to Dean alone?" I asked, rolling onto my side slowly.

"Of course," father said, pulling Lucifer out of the room with him. Once the door shut, Dean sat down in the chair next to me.

"What?" He asked me. I propped myself up on my elbow.

"I'm sorry for giving you so much crap. I was already having a bad time thinking that you had to date Anna while dating me, and then when we fought that day, when you all ran back in to see if I was okay, she was smirking at me. Then, when Sam was walking with me, he had told me you were just 'too stupid to notice what you're doing to me.' His words not mine. And then when you didn't do anything when she had Gabriel's feather, I thought for sure that I had lost you," I had tears in my eyes. I took a deep breath, ignoring the slight sting in my back.

"Cas, I'm so-" I shook my head.

"Let me finish, please," I said shakily. He stayed quiet. "When I had told you I never wanted to talk to you ever again, I had just been so mad and I thought that saying that would make it all better and then when I got home and realized what I had said that night, ignoring all your calls only to listen to the messages, I realized that I had just gotten rid of the one person in the whole world who actually cared about me in such a way you did and I lost it. I couldn't live with myself. I had to be under my brother's surveillance all the time because when I wasn't, I would constantly try to tie a rope somewhere and hang myself or cut my arms really deep or even I tried to sneak one of Lucifer's guns in my room so I could shoot myself. I didn't want to live with myself. I hate myself already and after I did that, it just got ten thousand times worse," I was wiping my eyes furiously, trying to stop the tears, when Dean grabbed my hands.

"I'm so sorry. So so sorry. I don't know what I would've done if you actually succeeded in killing yourself. I just," he was crying. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. "You're mine, forever. I don't care if we ever break up. You'll always be mine because I..." he trailed off, closing his eyes. "I really, really like you, Castiel," he finished.

"I really, really like you too, Dean," I whispered in return. I think I knew what he wanted to say, but he got too scared. Scared of rejection probably.

There was a light knock on the door before father and Luci walked in. Father had something behind his back and Lucifer had my clothes in his arms. They were both smiling hugely.

"What?" I asked, curiously confused. I wanted to know what they were smiling about. Dean's phone started to ring as father went to speak.

"Sorry, it's my dad. I'll be out in the hall," he said as he got up. He walked out of the door, shutting it behind him. Luci set my clothes down, helping me to sit up.

"Here," father said, handing a golden feather. I grabbed it and looked at it carefully. It had a little crack in the middle of it and I looked up at them in shock.

"Is this Gabby's first feather?" I whispered. They both nodded with huge smiles as I felt a smile work its way onto my own face. "How did you?" I asked, smiling.

"My friend knows what we are because his step-sister was one as well. Her first feather broke and he tried everything he could to get it back together and he managed to do it. His name is Gadreel," Lucifer explained.

"Tell him I said thank you, so much," I said, holding the feather close to my face. I missed Gabriel so much, but I'm glad that I still have his feather.

Dean walked back in, a worried look on his face. I looked at him confused. "Jess is in the hospital because they think she had a miscarriage," he said, sadly. I gasped along with Luci.

"Is she here?" I asked, meaning is she in this hospital. Dean nodded. "Go see if she's okay!" I commanded.

"They're getting an ultrasound right now is what Sammy said," he said, walking over to me. I nodded.

"Lucifer and I are going to sign the release forms now, okay? Get dressed, Castiel," father said to me.

"Yes, sir," I told him, setting the feather down as they walked out. Dean picked it back up and looked at it.

"Is this that feather?" He asked, guilt present in his voice.

"Yeah," I said, quietly. "I don't think now is a good time to tell you why the color changed and what happened to my back, but it will happen," I assured.

"Okay. Do you need help?" He asked, as I attempted to take the gown off. I blushed.

"Yeah," I said, embarrassed. He laughed and untied it, pulling it off of my arms. I refused to look at his face as my body was exposed despite my boxers. I had scars all over my body practically. I hated them, because they brought so many memories, but I still can't stop fully adding to them.

He grabbed my arm and traced over the words 'I'm so sorry' that I had carved into my skin. He pressed a kiss to every letter.

"It kills me to see these," he admitted. "Especially this one."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, still not looking at him. He put his hand under my chin, making me look at him before he kissed me softly.

"Don't be. I'm sorry," he whispered against my lips. I nodded and reached over slowly to grab my shirt father had brought.

"Help?" I said, handing it to him. He nodded and smiled softly, helping me slide my arms through the sleeves and buttoning it for me. He grabbed my pants and helped me slide them over my feet before he pulled me off the hospital bed and stood me up.

There was a smirk on his face and I was confused on why. He bent down in front of me, focusing on my pants before looking back up at me, pressing his mouth against my cloth covered dick before pulling my pants. I gasped. 

"I hate you," I said, letting out a deep breath against his lips as I buttoned my pants. He chuckled.

"No you don't," he pecked my lips before turning around, going to walk away, but I reached forward, despite the sharp pain, and pulled him back towards me, pressing his body against mine. He gasped, surprised.

"You can't do that to me," I whined. He laughed and spun around in my embrace, pressing his lips to mine in a passionate kiss. He had his hands on my face as our tongues danced.

"You're getting better at kissing. More controlling," he teased as we caught our breath. I hit his chest playfully before there was a knock on the door and Sam and Jessica walked in.

"Cas, you're okay!" Sam said with a smile, walking up to me.

"Yeah. Back just hurts," I said. "How was the baby thing?" I asked, curious.

"The baby is okay," Jessica said, relieved.

"Good!" Dean said, hugging her. "I thought that your first baby was about to be a backfire and I was going to be upset," he teased, making us all laugh.

"Castiel, are you ready?" Lucifer said, looking through the door. I smiled and nodded at him, walking slowly towards him, losing my balance in the process, but Sam caught me.

"Thanks," I said, face going red. Dean walked up beside me and took me from his brother.

"Do you guys want me to ride with you or?" He asked his brother.

"It doesn't matter. I think dad wants to you, though," Sam said as we walked out to our car. Ironically, Sam had parked in the space next to us. He had helped me into the passenger seat of the car, keeping the door open still.

"You can go with them, Dean. I'll be okay," I assured. He groaned, but nodded and pecked my lips one more time.

"I'll come by tomorrow?" He asked and I nodded as Lucifer got in the driver's side. He closed the door as I waved at them. Father had already left and was on his way home already.

Luci started the car and started to pull out. It was quiet before we got onto the highway and that was when he broke the silence.

"He loves you, you know," he said, glancing over at me. The smile on my face was huge.

"I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for not putting proper trigger warnings. This was brought to my attention and I'm going to through and add them all.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Short.
> 
> I am just a mess, omg. I'm so sorry, guys. I really am. I just. I don't even know, (Wo)man.

"Castiel, Dean is here," Father said gently as he woke me up. I didn't open my eyes, only rolled over slowly. "Castiel," he tried again.

"No," I groaned, staying faced away. He sighed and I felt pressure as if someone way laying down next to me. An arm wrapped around my waist, hand landing extremely close to my no-no area, and suddenly, there was pressure.

I let out a gasp, hand flying down to the hand that was touching me, and moved it. I opened my eyes as lips pressed to my neck.

"Hey, angel," Dean whispered in my ear. I want to laugh at the irony, but I held back. 

Angel was a newfound nickname Dean decided to try out on the phone last night.

"Mmm," I moaned in response. He chuckled.

"C'mon, babe. School is going to start soon," he tried again. I groaned, but slowly rolled to face him, pressing my lips to his, thinking that father was gone. That was until he cleared his throat at least.

I hid my face in Dean's neck and heard him laughing. "Sorry, father," I mumbled to where he could hear me.

"It's okay, Castiel. You need to go to school, though," he told me. I groaned again, but obeyed.

"Yes, sir," I said, pushing myself off using Dean's body, him helping me a little bit. Father walked out of my room as Lucifer called for him. I sat up, yawning and keeping my hands on Dean's chest, not letting him get up despite his awkward position.

"How's your back?" He asked me. I smiled tiredly at him.

"It's better," I told him truthfully. It hasn't been hurting, thankfully.

"Good," he said. I finally let him get off the bed before I remembered that his father wanted to talk to him.

I pushed myself off my bed as he went through my closet and picked out my clothes.

"Dean? What did your father want yesterday?" I asked, watching him tense up for a second before he turned around with a sad look on his face.

"Cas, he told me something," he said, handing me my clothes. I looked at him, confused. I started to put on the shirt.

"What?" I asked.

"About the day I wasn't at school a while back. He told me what happened, Cas. How you stood in front of that car," he said, looking me in the eyes. I felt my heart stop and I looked down at my feet.

I didn't want to see his face. I was scared of his reaction. That was so long ago, but it didn't matter.

What if he breaks up with me?

I felt his hand under my chin, lifting my head up.

"Why didn't you tell me they were giving you crap? Angel, I would've done something," he assured, pulling me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his torso, pressing my face into his shoulder.

"I was scared you would break up with me. I didn't mean to do it, I was just so upset and fed up," I said, shakily. I felt his lips press against my head.

"It's okay. I'm not going to leave you," he whispered and I nodded, pulling away and pressing my lips against his.

I love you.

"DEAN! CAS! C'MON!" Sam yelled, up the stairs just as Dean opened his mouth to say something. He smiled at me and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the door. I reached over and grabbed my bag before letting myself be dragged.

"Are you ready for today?" He asked.

"Yeah," I said, relieved. I waited so long for this day, oh my god. With what was supposed to be a week and turned into so much longer. "Bye, father!" I said, kissing Lucifer's head, careful not to wake him.

"Goodbye, Castiel. I love you," father said as he closed the door behind us. I smiled as I approached the impala.

I am so ready for today.


	31. Chapter 31

Parking in the school parking lot with Dean and Sam was weird. I hadn't done it in a while and it felt better than walking everyday.

Sam got out at the same time as me, but Dean stayed in. Sam left the door open for me before walking away. I slid into the passenger seat and closed the door before looking at Dean who immediately kissed me.

I gasped a little and he pulled away chuckling.

"I'm not used to that anymore," I admitted, softly.

"Well, we're gonna have to change that again," he smiled. I nodded and pecked his lips before turning and taking a deep breath.

"I'm ready," I mumbled to myself, getting out of the car. People were staring in awe almost.

Why though?

"Deany!" The voice was all too familiar and it made me cringe as she ran up and kissed him. "Why are you with him?" She asked, talking about me. I walked away before Dean answered her.

"Cas! C'mon!" Sam yelled, holding Jessica's hand. I smiled as I saw the baby bump on her stomach.

"What do you want it to be?" I asked her, walking next to them.

"I want it to be a boy, but Sammy wants a girl," she laughed. Sam held his hands up in surrender.

"Hey! It's my opinion!" He said, teasing.

"I know, babe. Just to think, guys, we have one more week in this dump before we're done," Jessica said, looking at the school. I smiled at the thought before we separated.

I walked into my first class and pulled out my phone considering we still had a few minutes before school started.

I text Dean as I saw Anna walk in.

Is everything still a go?

Yes. God, I can't wait to be able to kiss u.

:) I miss you, Dean

I miss you too, Angel

I smiled to myself as the bell rang.

\---

Lunch came along pretty quickly. I walked over to Dean who was waiting by the doors. He grabbed my wrist and dragged me outside and around the corner, pressing me against the wall before kissing me passionately.

He pushed open my lips with his tongue, letting it slide against mine. I let out a soft moan, reaching around his waist and grabbing his ass. He gasped in surprise, pulling away to catch his breath.

"Gain some courage?" He laughed, breathlessly. I chuckled and leaned forward to kiss his neck. I don't know what was getting into me, I just missed him so much.

"Dean!" Anna's voice yelled from around the corner. I moved my head away, looking at him, scared.

"It's okay," he whispered, pressing his lips to mine again and started to grind against me.

I let out a moan as Anna let out a gasp. 

"CASTIEL! WHAT THE HELL!" She yelled, making us both jump. We looked at her, Dean not moving away from me what so ever.

"Anna," he said, smugly.

"Dean, let's go. He was taking advantage of you," she said, trying to hide the denial in her voice. I couldn't help the smirk that played on my face. Courage rushing through my veins.

"I wasn't taking advantage of him, Anna, and you know that. He was going to take me right here against this school," I stated, smirking.

"No. Not with you. He's mine now, I took him. You can't take anyone back!" She said, voice clearly drenched in denial.

"He just did," Dean said, pressing his lips against mine again. I put my hands on either side of his face, kissing him deeper.

"You," she paused. "You bitch! I hate you both! I thought we had something special, Dean!" She yelled. I broke apart from him and looked over at her, trying to catch my breath. "I HATE YOU, CASTIEL. YOU'RE SO STUPID AND ATTENTION SEEKING AND WORTHLESS!" She yelled, running back around the corner. I know those words shouldn't have hurt, but they did.

I made sure Dean didn't realize they hurt me and smiled at him.

"Thank you," I whispered, pecking his lips. He smiled at me and went to open his mouth, but his dad came on the speaker.

"Dean and Sam Winchester, Jessica Moore, and Castiel Novak to my office, please."

I grabbed Dean's hand and we started walking. Once we got inside, we walked with Sam and Jessica to the principal's office.

"Dad?" Sam said as we walked into his office.

Anna was in there.

"Thank you, Anna. You may get to class," he said, anger present in his voice. She left and he gesture to the chairs. There were only three though.

I let Jessica have mine considering she is pregnant.

I stood next to Dean's chair as his dad sat on the front of his desk.

"Anna said that you guys bullied her," he started. I furrowed my eyebrows as Jessica spoke.

"We didn't, sir. We didn't bully her. She was bullying Castiel," she stated.

"Is that true, Castiel?" He said, looking at me. I swallowed thickly.

"To an extent, yes. She has broken things of mine and since I know her from my old school, she uses things against me," I told him, Dean squeezing my hand.

"Okay, Jess and Sam, you can get back to class. I have to talk with Castiel and Dean," Sam helped Jessica up before they left and I took the seat next to Dean's.

"What is it, dad?" Dean asked, worry laced through his words.

"Boys, I have to talk to you about your relationship," he said, fear striking me instantly.

"What about it?" Dean asked him. I bit my lip.

"Well, I think that you two really should take a break. You boys fight all the time and I know you just started dating again, but maybe you boys aren't meant to be," he stated, looking between us.

"You don't understand, sir. We're meant to happen. I know we are," I butted in before Dean could say anything.

"You're a hormonal teenage boy, Castiel. You don't know," he said, sternly. I shook my head violently.

"I know that we're meant to be. I know we are and I would show you how, but I don't know exactly how to explain it," I told him, standing up. I didn't want to show him. I didn't want to tell him what I will become. "You can call my father if you want. I just can't tell you while Dean is in here," I said, sadly, looking at Dean.

"Why can't I know?" He asked, offended.

"I don't want to tell you yet," I mumbled. 

"I will call your father then," Dean's father said, picking up the phone and the card on his desk my father had given him.

I turned to Dean who looked hurt as Mr. Winchester talked to my father.

"Dean, I don't even want to tell your dad. I'm scared to tell anyone because of what they'll think and I don't want you to think of me differently," I tried. He sighed and stood up, hugging me.

"Okay, you don't have to tell me," he whispered. I nodded against his shoulder.

"Your dad is going to be here soon," Mr. Winchester said, breaking us apart. I nodded and sat back down, knowing I would have to wait.

"Dad, why don't you believe me?" Dean said suddenly, breaking the silence. I was confused on what he meant by this.

Maybe his dad will ask what?

"I do believe you, Dean," he said back.

Dammit.

"Then why do you keep trying to break us up?" He asked, offended. "You don't try to break Sammy and Jess up."

Just as Mr. Winchester was about to say something, there was a knock before my father walked into his office.

"Mr. Novak, please come in," Mr. Winchester said, offering a seat to him.

"Hello, John. Castiel, have you told him anything?" Father asked me.

"No, sir," I admitted. He nodded and looked at Dean's father again.

"Dean, would you please go back to class?" He asked him.

"Yeah," Dean said, walking to the door. I followed him, hugging him tightly.

"You'll find out when it happens," I whispered in his ear, pecking his lips before letting him leave.

I turned back around, taking off my coat before starting with the buttons on my shirt as father explained that we were special kind of people.

I bowed my head, not wanting to take off my shirt because of all my scars, but knowing I need to.

"Castiel," father said. I took a deep breath, turning around and slipping my shirt drop off my back.

"What is that?" I heard Dean's father ask.

"It's a brand," father replied.

"What does it say?" I felt fingers skim over it, making me jump.

"Your son's name," father said, simply as the bell rang.

"You can go back to class, Castiel," Mr. Winchester told me.

I pulled my shirt back on and start walking out, leaving my coat so father could take it.

Dean was waiting for me outside of the office when I walked out.

He grabbed my hand after I finished the last button on my shirt before we started walking towards my next class.

It was silent for the most part between us, but I didn't know why.

I was thinking about what Anna had said.

Was that true?

When we got there, he pulled me close and hugged me tightly.

"Can I come over today?" He asked me.

"Probably. I think father is taking me home so, I'll ask," I told him and he nodded before kissing me and starting off toward his class.

I walked in and sat at my desk, shaking.

I wasn't cold.

Only scared of what his father will say.

And if he freaks out, what will Dean think?


	32. Chapter 32

The ride home was silent for some reason. I felt like father was upset about something.

"Are you okay, father?" I asked, breaking the silence. He glanced at me and smiled, looking back at the road as he started to slow down to pull in the driveway.

"Yes, Castiel," he said, genuinely. "I've made sure John won't tell Dean."

"Thank you, father. Speaking of, can he come over?" I asked, getting of the car and walking to the house with him.

He opened the door as he answered. "Sure. I don't see why not," he said, walking into the kitchen.

"Thank you, sir!" I said, happily, running to my room and pulling my phone out, calling Dean.

"Hey, Angel," he answered. I smiled at his voice.

"Father said you can come over," I told him.

"Yay! I'll be over in a minute! See you then," he hung up and I did the same. I stood up and looked in the shattered mirror, deciding I should change for no reason.

I changed my shirt and was in the middle of looking for pants, in only my underwear, when I felt someone press against my butt. I gasped and jumped away, turning around only to see Dean's laughing figure.

"You're an ass!" I said, hitting his chest, making him laugh more.

"Hey, I couldn't resist. An ass like that would get anyone going and with you in one of my shirts only makes it better," he teased, and suddenly I became aware at the fact I was standing in nothing but one of Dean's shirts he left here and my underwear.

A blush crept onto my face as I grabbed some sweatpants and putting them on quickly. I put my arms behind my back so he wouldn't see them, but he smiled at me softly, grabbing my arms and pressing a kiss to my lips.

"You don't have to hide them, Cas," he whispered and I nodded. We sat down on my bed and I sat cross legged, looking at him.

"How are you?" I asked him, smiling.

"I'm happy," he smiled.

"And why is that?" I asked, curiously.

"Because I have my boyfriend back," he leaned forward and pecked my lips, making a small blush creep up my face. "And graduation is next week!"

"I know!" I said, happily. I was happy about that. I wanted to get out so bad because then I could have Dean to myself and we could get jobs and get a house together.

/Don't get your hopes up, tiger./

Dean laid back on my bed and I crawled on top of him, sitting on his waist. He put his hands on my waist and smiled up at me.

I leaned down, pressing my hands on either side of his head, and kissed him softly. I felt him smile against my lips, kissing me back, before I was suddenly flipped over.

I gasped at the sudden movement which made Dean chuckle.

"God, you're perfect," he praised, kissing my nose.

"No I'm not," I said, shyly. 

"Yes you are. Your eyes are gorgeous, your body is fit, your hair is always sexy, your scars are perfect. They're there own kind of perfect. Also, believe it or not, I still remember the taste of your dick and that's perfect too," he said, making me blush at the last thing.

"What did I do to deserve you?" I asked, kissing him. He smiled.

"I should be asking you."


	33. Chapter 33

The next week came fast.

Dean, Sam, Jessica, and I all were hanging out constantly. Father was happy about that, but he got terribly sick towards the beginning of this week.

He is in the hospital right now as Dean is picking me up for our last day of school. Lucifer is staying with him to make sure he's okay.

"Are you ready to finally be out of this hell hole?" He asked, throwing his keys to Sam.

Sam caught them before looking at him confused. "Why are you giving me your keys?" He asked.

"You can drive it today," Dean said, happily. Sam's face lit up as he jumped into the drivers seat. I help Jessica into the passenger before getting in the back with Dean.

He grabbed my hand and held it tightly as I pulled out my phone to call Lucifer. It has been a daily thing all week for me.

"Hey, Cassie," he answered.

"Hi, Luci. How's father?" I asked him.

"He's showing signs of getting better slowly. You don't need to worry about that today, Castiel. You go have fun today, okay? Stay out with Dean tonight. I promise I'll call you if anything happens," I could tell he was smiling. I sighed with a small smile on my face.

"Okay. Thank you, Luci. I love you and tell father I love him too," I said. 

"I will. Have a great last day ever, Cassie. Bye," he said.

"Bye," I hung up the phone as we pulled into the school parking lot. 

Sam gave Dean the keys back before running over to help Jessica. I stayed in the back with Dean, looking at the building.

"Last day," he said, squeezing my hand. I looked back at him, smiling.

"Last day," I repeated, leaning forward to kiss him. He kissed back, letting his tongue wander into my mouth. I moaned at the familiar feeling of our tongues swiping against each other.

"C'mon. Let's go do this," he said, pulling away. We got out of the car and started walking toward the building that we would never have to step into again after today.

I smiled as we walked in, going to our classes.

I got into mine and people were throwing things of paper everywhere, yelling.

I sat down at my desk and just enjoyed everything.

\---

It was lunch when the announcements came on.

"I realize that we are reaching the end of the year and I just wanted to say to my seniors that I had an amazing year with you all. I want you all to graduate and start your life as soon as possible. All of my seniors, you may leave the building now. Great year, guys."

The lunch room erupted with yells, Sam kissing Jessica and Dean jumping up, pulling me up with him. He pulled me out of the door with Sam and Jessica following close behind.

We ran to the car as a bunch of others ran to theirs. I jumped into the back seat with Dean as Sam helped Jessica.

"We're free!" Dean yelled, a huge smile on his face. I liked seeing him like this. "We're finally free, oh my god," he said as if it just sank in. He looked over at me. "And I finished it with you," he said, lunging forward to kiss me. I gasped at the sudden movement before grabbing his face in my hands and kissing him back.

It was awkward, the way we were sitting, but I didn't care. All I cared about was that I have Dean and that's all that I need outside of family.

"Gross," Sam teased, making me pull away and blush.

"You can't say anything, boy," Dean teased back, laughing. "How many times have I caught you and Jess?"

"Shut up! Where do you wanna go?" He asked.

"You pick," he said to me. My eyes widened at being out on the spot suddenly. 

"We could go to the movies maybe? I don't know," I said, shyly.

"I'm down for that," Jessica agreed. The two brothers agreed as well and we made our way to the theatre.

When we got there, Dean ended up paying for me. I felt bad, but he said it was his pleasure. We were watch some movie about ninja turtles or something. I'm not sure.

Dean pulled me to some seats and I realized that this was the same seats we sat in when he had...

I felt a blush creep up my neck, looking at a now smirking Dean.

He sat on the other side of me to sit by Sam. I grabbed his hand and held it tightly as the previews started.

By the time the movie started, I had my head on Dean's shoulder with my eyes shut. I was exhausted honestly. The night before I was up all night keeping father company despite his arguments about me having school the next day.

I kept my eyes shut and just listened to the movie, enjoying the sounds.

Dean shifted him arm so it was wrapped around me instead of holding my hand.

I eventually dozed off somewhere in the middle of the movie, my head on Dean's shoulder and his arm around me.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> -Fluff smut.

"Cas, angel," I heard my name being whispered as I was lightly shook.

I groaned and rolled over before realizing that I could roll over. I opened my eyes and found that I was in my bed, someone's shadow over the bed.

I looked behind me to see Dean standing over me.

"You fell asleep in the movies. Sammy had to carry you because I got stuck with the popcorn box and everything," he said, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

I rolled over again, facing him. "Sam carried me?" I asked.

"Yeah. You were clinging to him as if he was going to drop you. It was cute," he smiled. I scooted over, motioning to him to lay down.

He took his shoes off and laid down next to me, wrapping his arms around me. I put my leg between his and he did the same to me. Our foreheads were touching and noses were bumping into each other.

I felt content. Safe.

"What time is it?" I asked him, making him shift to look at his watch.

"About 9:30," he said, getting comfy again.

I slept for that long?

"What did you do while I was sleeping?" I asked him, curiously.

"Well, at first I laid down with you and cuddled with you. I ended up falling asleep for like, two hours before your phone woke me up. It was Lucifer. He said that everything with your dad is good. That they believe he's getting better," he started.

"That's great," I said, happily.

"It really is. I kinda cleaned your room a little bit. I got bored and there were clothes and stuff on the floor so I thought why not? And then for a while after I made myself food, I just watched you," he paused, before starting to laugh. "That sounds so creepy!" He laughed. I laughed with him, loving the sound of his laughter. "You just looked so peaceful. You looked happy," he finished.

"I am happy," I told him, truthfully. "I have you." He smiled, brightly.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine, moving them slowly. I put my hands on either side of his face, kissing harder. I felt his tongue swipe across my lips, asking for access. I willingly opened my mouth, letting his tongue slide against mine, our tongues dancing together.

He started to nibble on my bottom lip, making me gasp and moan softly. I felt myself starting to get hard in my slacks. He rolled over so he was on top of me, kissing me more roughly, his hand sliding up my shirt slowly.

I tugged at the bottom of his shirt, making him sit up to pull it over his head before leaning back down to kiss me again. He started on the buttons of my shirt, kissing my jaw, making his way down to my neck.

I was panting and moaning softly as he marked my neck, nibbling and licking. He unbuttoned my shirt, pushing it aside to play with my nipples. I moaned louder at the feeling.

He leaned back up, kissing my lips again as he started to grind down against me.

"D-dean," I moaned, pulling away and pulling my shirt the rest of the way off. 

"Hmm?" He hummed, kissing down my neck, collarbone, and starting down my chest. He flicked his tongue over my right nipple, making me arch into the feeling. He kept sucking on it before moving to the other.

He leaned back to look at me, smiling. I was struggling to catch my breath, feeling myself restrain against my slacks.

"God, you're perfect," he said, leaning back down to kiss me.

I felt a blush go through my body as he started to fumble with my belt. I mean, I know he's seen me before. He's had me in his mouth before. I just felt nervous.

He finished unzipping and unbuttoning my pants. He scooted down, by continuing to kiss down my chest, kissing the small scars that I hand on my stomach.

He tapped my waist, making me lift my hips so he could take off my slacks and boxers. He pulled them off my feet before he kept getting lower, occasionally stopping to bite and suck at the skin, making me gasp and buck my hips up involuntary.

He kissed the tip of my dick briefly, making me let out a small whine when he pulled back. He stood up for a second, loosening his jeans and pushing them down and stepping out of them. He kneeled down between my legs again, this time licking a strip up my shaft, making me moan.

He took me inside his mouth, hollowing his cheeks, making me moan even louder than before. 

"D-Dean!" I choked out, unintentionally thrusting my hips into his mouth. He pinned them down, holding them tightly to the bed.

He kept working around me, tongue playing with the tip, as my hand put itself on the back of his head. I grabbed his hair and pulled slightly, earning a moan that sent vibrations through my body.

I felt a slightly familiar coil in my stomach as I got closer to coming. He focused on the head, playing with the slit. I cried out, gripping his hair a bit tighter.

I was panting and moaning as he worked his mouth around my cock.

And suddenly, I wanted more.

I felt a warm pool form in the pit of my stomach as my breathing became more rapid. "A-Ah! D-Dean!" I moaned, pulling his head up. I looked down at his confused face, trying to regain my breathing.

"Are you okay?" He asked, worried. I grabbed his shoulders, pulling him back up to kiss him. I reached down to the hem of his boxers, making him pull away in surprise. "Cas?" He said, breath catching in his throat as my fingers danced dangerously close to his hard on.

"Dean," I panted, "I-I," I cut myself off, feeling a blush creep up my neck.

"What is it, angel?" He asked, kissing my neck. I let out a breathy moan, threading one of my hands through his hair.

"I-I want to," I whispered in his ear. He kept kissing my neck, slightly grinding down on me.

"Want to what, babe?" He asked. I pulled his hair slightly to make him look at me.

"Dean," I pleaded. His eyes scanned my face for a second before his eyes went wide and he let out a strangled moan.

"A-Are you sure?" He asked, leaning up properly to get a better look of my face. I thought about it for a second.

Did I really want to do this?

I nodded finally, my body aching for more. For his touch. For Dean.

He swallowed thickly before taking a deep breath.

"Do you have anything?" He asked. I thought for a second before remembering about the stuff Gabriel had his in my drawer a long time ago.

I pushed him off of me, sitting up, before standing up on shaky legs, walking over to my dresser. I opened the middle drawer, going through the clothes towards the back of it. I saw a razor briefly, a flash of wanting to use it came, but I shook my head and didn't look at it again as I grabbed the condom and lube.

I turned around and nearly collapsed on the floor as a moan flowed out of my mouth. I had to grab onto my dresser for support as I looked at the sight displayed in front of me.

Dean had apparently taken off his boxers off as I was searching for the condom and lube. He was panting, moaning only slightly as he looked at me with hooded eyes, stroking himself slowly. There was a smirk that made its way onto his face as he saw me staring back at him.

"Enjoying the view?" he panted out.

I moaned again before practically launching myself at him. I pressed my mouth against his, kissing him fiercely. It wasn't anywhere near graceful. I had set the stuff down next to us as I grabbed his face in my hands, biting his bottom lip.

He groaned into my mouth, hands reaching down to grab at my ass, pressing our bodies together. We ground against each other, panting and moaning, only to be stopped when a loud crack of thunder went through the room. I gasped, startled, as did Dean.

We stayed still for a few seconds before looking at each other again, the need filling my body again.

And just like that, I was being rolled over, Dean on top of me now.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, concern lacing his words. I was growing impatient.

"Yes, I'm sure, Dean," I said, panting. He nodded, grabbing the small tube of lube, opening it and squeezing some onto his fingers. He leaned down, kissing me much softer and slower than before.

"I need you to relax, Cas. I don't want to end up hurting you," he whispered, pressing sweet kisses all over my face. I nodded, taking a deep, shaky breath, moving so our lips collided again. He smiled against my mouth before started to lick inside my mouth.

I was too focused on the taste of his mouth and the way our tongues rubbed against each other, I yelped when I felt a finger rub against my hole.

"Shh, just breath, okay?" Dean said again, looking me in the eyes.

I only nodded, face scrunching up at the unfamiliar feeling as he pressed one finger in.

I groaned, slight pain and pleasure shooting through my veins.

Lightning lit up the room, soon followed by a crack of thunder.

He slowly added another one, kissing my neck softly. I let out a whimper, finding myself wanting even more. I found myself subconsciously pushing back against his fingers, moaning. He groaned in my ear.

"God, you're going to be the death of me," he groaned. I only whimpered in reply. I wanted more. So much more.

I wanted to be close to him. To feel him inside me. To hear him.

I wanted Dean.

I found myself nodded after a while, indicating that I was ready. He pulled his fingers out and grabbed the condom, tearing it open with his teeth. I watched him as he rolled it onto his cock, lubing it up, before leaning back over me.

"Are you sure?" He asked again, searching my face for any sign of denial. "We don't have to if-" I pressed my lips to his.

"Please," I whispered, making him nod. He lined himself up, pressing in slowly. I gasped, face scrunching up, as the pain ripped through me. I squeezed my eyes shut, nails digging into his shoulders as he bottomed out. He was panting.

"Its okay, you're okay. Just tell me when to stop, Angel," he panted, "just breath." I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and shakily.

The pain finally started to subside as the wind picked up a bit outside. I opened my eyes, looking into the bright green ones staring down at me.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, keeping our eyes locked.

"M-move," I stuttered. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, pulling out slightly before pushing back in. I gasped at the feeling as he kept doing that, starting a rhythm.

He pulled away, looking at me as he let out little groans here and there. The pleasure that over came the pain felt amazing. The moans flowed out of my mouth as he started to pick up the speed a little bit.

"D-Dean!" I moaned, pushing back against him in time with his thrusts. He moaned in my ear, pressing small kisses to my jaw.

"You're doing so- ugh good, Angel. So so good," he praised. I scratched down his back, arching mine a bit so our chests touched. I felt a pool in my stomach start as I moaned loudly.

I felt like I needed more, though. Like my body wasn't satisfied. I groaned, fixing the strength to roll us over, catching Dean off guard. He looked at me, shocked, his beautiful green eyes wide.

I slowly placed myself back on dick, moaning in both pain and pleasure doing so. He let out a low, long moan, grabbing my hips with his hands. I placed mine flat against his toned chest, sitting there for a second, getting used to the feeling again.

"Fuck, Cas. Look so good like this. Didn't know you could be so controlling," he moaned in a teasing tone. I let out a small, breathy laugh before picking myself up and pressing back down.

I got into a rhythm, which was doing just fine, until Dean stopped me from moving any more. His grip tightened as he started thrusting up into me, hitting a certain spot that emitted a loud scream almost from the back of my throat as my back arched.

"Found it," he groaned, continuing to thrust up. My head fell forward, pants and moans of Dean's name falling out of my mouth. Thunder cracked outside, but neither of us cared.

I felt the twist in my stomach. I knew I was going to come soon, and by the way Dean's moans got louder, he was too.

"Cas, Angel," he panted, "you're so beautiful, fuck, so beautiful." His pace sped up, hitting that spot dead on. I knew I wasn't going to last more than maybe another minute as the feeling built up.

"G-gonna," I moaned. He started thrusting frantically, losing the rhythm we had just seconds before.

"Angel, I-I," he paused, letting out a groan, "I love you."

That was it.

Both pain and pleasure shot through my whole body, light or lightning filled the whole room as I let out a scream, back arched.

My vision went white for a minute and I couldn't hear anything except a soft ringing in my ears. I opened my eyes again, looking down at Dean who was panting with his eyes closed.

There was a feather right by his head, and that was when I realized there was something putting just a little more weight on me. I glanced back, still trying to catch my breath, only to see black.

I fell on top of Dean, moving the feather out of view, as we adjusted so he was inside of me anymore.

He opened his eyes, locking then with mine. I wanted to ask if he could see them or if he just hasn't noticed them yet. He leaned in and pecked my lips before rolling over and tending to the condom. He got up to throw it away before turning around and stopping in his tracks. I sat up slowly, feeling my wings shift with me. It felt weird.

"W-what are t-those?" He asked, confused and sounding a bit frightened. I felt nervousness kick in as I pulled a blanket over my lower half.

"I-what's your nickname for me other than Cas?" I tried as he placed himself on my bed again, still looking at my wings.

"Angel? Why?" He asked, reaching hesitantly toward them.

"Dean," I started, taking a deep breath, "I'm an Angel."


	35. Chapter 35

"Wait, what?" Dean said, pulling on his boxers. "You're going to have to explain more than just that you're an angel, Castiel, because I don't understand," he said, looking at me in disbelief.

I took a deep breath, feeling the soft feathers pet against my back.

"Do you remember the writing on my back that wasn't in English?" I asked to which he nodded. "Well, I had told you that it was a very old language. It was my trial, Dean. My family is like this and there are only a few of us, now, but we get a trial to earn our wings," I tried to explain. It probably wasn't working out, but he seemed to make sense of it.

"So, you had to earn those?" He asked, gesturing towards the big, black, fluffy wings on my back.

"Yes," I answered him.

"What did you have to do?" He asked, genuinely curious. I could tell he was still confused, but he was trying to make me think he understand.

"Well," I felt a blush creep up my neck, "I had to make you fall in love with me, somehow. And I didn't think I would be able to, but," I paused, looking at him with a smile. He smiled back at me.

"Everything can happen, right?" He said, leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to my lips. I kept my eyes closed when he pulled away, sighing tiredly. 

"Dean," I yawned, laying down in a way more comfortable position. He laid next to me, reaching up and stroking my wings softly. I sighed contently.

"Yeah, angel?" He said, staring at my wings. I smiled to myself.

"I love you too."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

"Castiel," it was a whisper in my ear. I groaned to myself, scooting closer to the warm body pressed against mine. "Cassie," they said.

"What?" I said, voice low and rough.

"Wake up, bub. I wanna ask you something," he said. I knew it was Lucifer, and I knew that he wanted to know about my wings. I started shifting away from the warmth of Dean's body, making him roll over. I sat up, sliding my boxers on, considering I never did last night, and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. "Good morning, Cassie," he smiled.

"What time is it?" I asked, stretching. My wings attempting to do that same, but they hit the wall and Dean's body. 

"Almost noon," he said, sitting in a chair. I looked at him, shocked. I never slept that late, honestly.

"Noon? Why didn't you wake me up earlier?" I asked, standing up, almost falling back down because I wasn't used to walking with my wings yet.

"Hold on, Cassie. You're gonna have to hide them. Just retract them," he tried, helping me get my balance.

"How?" I asked, noticing Dean shift out of the corner of my eye.

"Just breath and concentrate on hiding them. It's easy," he said with a soft smile.

I nodded, closing my eyes as I felt Dean sit up.

Hide them. Where though?

I took a deep breath and before I knew it, the weight was gone. I opened my eyed, turning to look behind me, only to see Dean rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Woah," I whispered to myself. I heard Luci chuckle, making me look at him again.

"See?" He smiled, "did you two have fun last night?" He asked, glancing over to the open condom wrapper on my floor. I felt my face heat up as I leaned back into Dean.

I hummed, nodding, without making eye contact. I felt Dean's chest vibrate from where he was laughing a bit as he grabbed my hand. 

"It was pretty fun," he answered. I saw Lucifer stand up, making me look up as well.

"Well, good. I'm glad you finally got your wings, Cassie. I'm going to go check on father, though. You can come anytime," he said, walking over to me and pressing a kiss to my forehead, grabbing my wrists. "I'm so proud of you for restraining for so long, bub," he whispered.

"Thank you, Luci," I said back. He back away, saying bye to me and Dean before leaving the room.

It was silent in my room as I stared into the broken mirror at the end of my bed. There wasn't really anything specific on my mind, honestly. I liked when I wasn't thinking of anything specific, though. That meant that there wasn't really anything bothering me.

I felt lips press to my neck, and my eyes fluttered shut as that began to suck a little. They made their way to my ear before Dean whispered to me.

"You're beautiful," he whispered. I smiled, turning to face him, leaning closely, lips just grazing.

"I love you," I said, pressing our lips together in a slow, passionate, love filled kiss.

Honestly, I don't think I'll ever get used to say that.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> -Mentions of Cutting  
> -Mentions of Cheating

5 Months Later.

I stretched in my bed, wiping my face to get rid of the dried tears on my cheeks. I didn't want to get up, and I really didn't have to, but Jessica is in the hospital and Sam wanted me to come and visit. I told him I would for him and Jess. He made sure it was early enough so Dean wouldn't be there either.

Dean and I have been fighting a lot. Over stupid little things, also. He claims that ever since I've gotten my wings, I've become an asshole. I don't understand why he would think that, honestly. I've told him that I loved him and I've tried to take him on small dates every now and then, but he still says it.

He's been getting distant, and I'm scared of where it is going to go. We haven't talked in about a week because of the last fight we had. It was about my brothers and his mom.

My thoughts were interrupted when my phone started ringing. I knew exactly who it was, by the ringtone, and felt a lump in my throat form again.

I reached over, grabbing my phone, and answered it. "Hello?" I said, as if I didn't know who was calling.

"Castiel," Dean's voice was shaky. Worry instantly filled my veins.

"Dean?" I asked, worry lacing my words. I heard him let out a shaky breath, a small chocked cry escaping from his lips. "Dean, what's wrong?" I asked him.

"I-I'm sorry," he whispered. I found myself furrowing my eyebrows.

"For what?" I asked, confused. I know that we had fought, but I know this wasn't about that. Something had happened to make Dean cry like this.

"I-I-" he was cut off by a voice in the background. I couldn't tell who's voice it was, or what they said, but it sounded like a girl. He let out another cry. "I n-need to come over," he cried.

"Okay, but don't drive. I'll meet you halfway," I told him. I heard him hum in agreement, before the phone line went dead.

I started to stand up, when I noticed Sam had texted me.

Dean made a big mistake.

I was tempted to ask what he did, but I didn't. I threw on a shirt, new pants, and a small jacket, before walking out of my room, ignoring the pieces of mirror scattered on my floor that were stained with red. I had broken it last night, after I knew everyone was sleeping, and used it to cut again. Not many times, but deep and my lord it felt fucking great.

Everyone in my house was asleep. Father had a late night last night and told me he would be sleeping in today, and Luci was catching up on his. I was glad though, considering that meant I wouldn't be confronted on the fight we had last night.

I snuck out of the front door before I started to walk down my street. It was bright out, and I was really tired. I kept my eyes on the ground, passing house by house, as I approached the corner. If Dean wasn't there by the time I got there, I was just going to walk to his house.

What did he do?

I stood at the corner that is about halfway between our houses, but closer to mine, as the sun slowly warmed up the air. It was bright blue skies today, completely clear.

I went to start heading towards his house when I looked up and noticed him coming. I walked quickly towards his shaking body and instant engulfed him into a hug.

"Shh," I tried to calm him down, but it didn't work.

"I-I didn't m-m-mean to!" He sobbed, fists gripping my shirt tightly. 

"Its okay, Dean. What happened?" I asked, pulling away to wipe the tears falling from his eyes. "Just take a deep breath."

What had him so tore up? It can't be that bad.

He took a slow, shaky breath, opening his mouth to let it out. He wasn't looking at me in the eyes. He was looking at the ground.

"I-it was an a-accident," he whimpered. I grabbed his hand in mine and started walking back to my house. He had a tight grip on my hand as if I was going to leave.

"What was?" I asked him. He stayed quiet for a second, regaining himself the best he could.

"I c-cheated," his voice cracked on the word and my heart stopped. I stopped walking, my grip on his hand falling limp. I looked over at him, his eyes were wide as tears fell from them. His grip got tighter on my hand and I understand why now.

"Cheated?" I asked, "with who?" I whispered.

He didn't answer. He just stared at the ground, body shaking slightly. I stood there, staring at him, as someone called out Dean's name.

I looked down the road and saw Sam and someone else. It looked like he was trying to get her to leave.

"DEAN!" Her voice yelled. It pierced my chest like daggers.

"No," I started to say. "No, no, no," I pried my hand away from Dean's tight grip, stepping away from him.

"C-Cas, I'm s-so sorry!" He started to cry again. I backed away from him as the familiar red head came closer.

"Her? Of all people?" My voice cracked. 

"I-it just happened! I-I g-got drunk a-and it just h-happened! I-I'm so s-sorry!" He sobbed.

"Dean? Why are you crying? What the hell did you do this time, Castiel!" Anna said, running towards Dean, hugging him. I went to reply, but what shocked me was when Dean pushed her away harshly.

"Leave!" He yelled, suddenly. 

"Dean? Why are you telling me to leave?" She asked, confused.

"Just fucking l-leave," he voice cracked again. I started backing up, but ran into someone. I looked back to see Sam standing there.

"Don't leave, yet," he whispered, almost begging. I stayed, watching Dean's figure, looking at the ground. 

"Fucking leave, Anna. You've done enough already. What happened last night was a mistake. We will never happen, so just leave," he said, firmly, turning to me and grabbing my face, pressing his lips tightly to mine.

It caught me off guard, honestly. Yet, it felt amazing to kiss him after a week of not doing so.

"You stupid faggots!" Anna yelled, running the other way. Dean's body began to shake again and I pulled away, pulling him close.

"Do y-you f-forgive me?" He asked, brokenly. Two big arms wrapped around us both. I glanced up at Sam who was hugging us both, tightly.

"No, but I can live," I whispered. He nodded against me, keeping his right grip on. Sam let go of us and mentioned something about needing to get to the hospital.

Dean's hands started to play with the hem of my shirt and my body stiffened when I felt the cold fingertips on my skin.

I had chosen to cut my hips last night rather than my wrists. They're easier to hide, there.

I sucked in a sharp breath as his finger pressed against one. He stopped completely. He pulled away from me, looking at me in the eyes. I scanned his red, blotchy, tear stained face before avoiding eye contact.

He started lifting my shirt slightly, but I pulled it back down, backing away from him. 

"Cas," he whispered, hurt.

"It was a heat of the moment, okay? We weren't talking, Luci, father, and I got into a big fight last night and I have been crying myself to sleep every night, trying to stay strong and it just happened. I broke my mirror to pieces and used it. Five times. Deep. I'm sorry," I said in one breath. I felt a lump in my throat form again as Dean grabbed my arms, pulling me closer than he ever has before when we were hugging.

"I didn't ask for an explanation. I still love you. I'm so sorry. Why didn't you call me?" He asked, his voice still slightly shaky. My heart skipped a beat when he said he loved me still.

"I didn't think you would've cared," I mumbled, sadly. 

"Of course I would've. You're my angel, literally, and I will always love you no matter what," he told me. I felt myself nodding.

"Promise?" I asked, feeling like a child.

"I promise," he said, a small smile on his lips. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, but I ignored it as I pressed my lips to Dean's. I still didn't forgive him for what he did, but I just fucking miss him.

We started walking to my house in silence.

He promised he would always love me.

I wonder how long until he breaks this promise.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> -Mentions of Cutting.  
> -Mentions of Suicide.  
> -Hand job.

1 year later.

"Uncle Cas!" The little boy's voice woke me up. I opened my eyes slowly to come in contact with big, hazel eyes. I smiled at him, yawning.

"Hello, Adrian. What has you up at this time?" I asked, looking at the alarm clock on my side table.

8:45 am

"Daddy and mommy is down stairs. Uncie Dean is wif them," he told me, sitting on my lap. I nodded, sitting up.

"Alright. You go tell them that I'm going to get ready, okay?" I said, to which he nodded. He crawled off my bed and ran out of the room, laughing.

Jessica had her baby about a year and a half ago. I couldn't be here when it happened because Lucifer took me to see London that week she went into labor. It was really fun, honestly. It was just me, Luci, and father.

I sighed to myself, rubbing my face.

Sam had invited me to go to an amusement park with him, Adrian, Jessica, and Dean today. Dean and I haven't been very touchy, but we still talk. I still do love him, honestly, and my wings still proves he loves me back.

"Knock knock," a soft voice filled my room. I looked up at Dean who was shutting my door behind him. "Hey, Cas," he smiled, walking towards me.

I held out my hands for him to grab and pull me up. He pulled me into his chest and hugged me tightly.

"You're acting weird," I said, suddenly.

"I just miss you," he said, pressing a soft kiss to my neck. I sighed contently.

"I miss you too," I said, pulling away and pressing my lips to his. His body kind of stiffened, but he kissed back nonetheless.

Good lord, I missed this.

I felt Dean push me backwards until I fell back onto my bed and he hovered over me.

"We haven't done this in a while," I teased, grabbing his hips. He smirked down at me, pressing his hips flush against mine, emitting a gasp from my lips.

"We haven't, have we? We could always make up for wasted time," he said, leaning down to press his lips against my neck, sucking lightly.

"Mmm," I moaned, softly, rotating my hips a bit against his, moving my hands up under his shirt and up his back. "Adrian," I gasped out.

"I can tell them to go without us and we'll meet them there," he suggested, matching the rhythm of my hips. I was just about to agree to it, when Adrian opened the door, laughing, as more footsteps chased after him.

I pushed Dean up quickly and tried to get situated as Adrian climbed onto my bed. "Uncie Dean, why were you on top of Uncle Cas?" He asked, curiously. Sam and Jessica walked in, Jessica was smirking as Sam walked over and grabbed his son.

"Yeah, Uncie Dean. Why were you?" Sam teased, making my face turn red.

"Shut up, Sammy," Dean said, looking at the ground.

"Do you guys want to meet us there or?" Jessica asked, grabbing Adrian from Sam.

"We'll follow you guys," Dean answered, looking at me. There was something in his eyes and I could tell that this was about to be a really interesting car ride.

\-----------------

We got into Dean's Impala, after being taken to his house to get it, and started following Sam and Jessica.

"Any specific reason we're riding separately?" I asked, lacing my fingers with his. His hand was warm.

"Hmm, maybe," he said, winking at me. I smiled to myself and looked out the window, watching the scenery.

Dean released my hand after a while, in order to turn, but didn't put it back. I ignored it, though. That's not what surprised me.

What surprised me was the feeling of a warm hand really high up on my thigh, rubbing slightly. I looked over at Dean, but he was looking at the road. My stomach started to fill with butterflies as his hand slowly inched towards my cock.

I gripped the arm rest tight when he started to palm me through my jeans. I let a shaky gasp, hips instinctively moving into his grip.

"You little fuck," I groaned, rotating my hips slightly.

"You curse so much when you're turned on. I love it," he said, applying more pressure.

"Fuck," I whispered, breathlessly. I couldtHe glanced over at me when we stopped at a light, fiddling with the button on my pants. I looked at him, eyes wide open.

"What?" He asked, innocently, as if he wasn't undoing my pants right now. We started moving again and I was just about to say something, but he wrapped his hand around me and all my words flew out the window. My jaw dropped, my head fell back against the seat, and little pants and moans falling out of my mouth as he stroked my cock agonizingly slow.

"D-Dean," I whimpered. His hand sped up slightly and my pants grew louder.

"You like that?" He asked, glancing at me before looking back at the road, making sure we didn't crash.

I moaned in response, his hand circling around the head.

I had a tight grip on the arm rest as the coiling in my stomach grew bigger.

"F-fuck, Dean!" I groaned, loudly.

"Still a screamer," he teased, speeding up his hand. I would've hit him, but I was in too much pleasure.

I felt my breath hitch as a massive wave of pleasure shot through me. My vision went white for a few seconds before I could see again. I looked down to see Dean's hand slowly stroking me still. There was a few cum spots on my coat, but not much.

I looked over at him, tiredly.

"Tired?" He asked, licking his hand. I bit my lip at the sight.

"Yeah," I said a bit breathless still.

"How long has it been since you've done that?" He asked, curiously.

"Last week, maybe? I'm not exactly sure," I admitted.

"Why'd you cum so hard, then?" He asked.

"Because you did it this time," I smiled at him. I saw a small smile form on his lips. It looked like he was about to say something, but my phone rang.

I looked at it and saw that it was father.

"Hello, father," I said, taking a deep breath.

"Cassie?" It was Lucifer. A big smile made its way onto my face.

"Luci? I miss you," I said, situating my pants.

He's been gone for the past few months and hasn't been able to make any contact. Father tried to write to him, but it didn't work. We never really got a reply back.

"I miss you too, Bub," he said. I started fiddling with the hem of my shirt, my breathing settling. "What are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm going to an amusement park with Sam, Jessica, their son Adrian, and Dean. You?" I responded. Dean linked his fingers with mine as we came closer to the park.

"I'm at home, sitting on your bed," he said, my eyes went wide.

"You're home?" I asked.

"Yeah. I just got here. Cassie, what happened to the mirror father got you for your birthday?" He asked, making fear strike my blood.

Father had bought me another mirror a few months back in replace for the one I finally shattered, but I had gotten into a fight with him and Dean that day and I shattered that one.

"Castiel, you need to stop!" Father screamed. We were fighting over my cuts. "You keep going back to it and its ruining your chances of getting better!"

"You think that I can just stop?! Father, I've been trying to stop ever since we moved here! You don't understand how fucking hard it is to resist doing it everyday!" I screamed back. He didn't understand.

"You're not trying hard enough!" He yelled. I was done.

I pushed passed him and went to my room, slamming the door shut, and locking it. I sat in the corner of my room, pulling out my phone to call Dean.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Hi," I replied. I heard shifting in the background.

"Hey, Cas. What's wrong?" He asked me, worry in his words.

"Father and I are fighting," I whispered, trying to hold back the sob threatening to come out.

"What about?" He asked.

"My cuts," I said.

"Did you do it again?" He asked, slowly. I stayed quiet. I didn't like to lie to Dean. "Cas?" He said again.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, letting the tears fall.

"Castiel, you have to stop," he sighed.

Really?

"I'm trying, Dean. I really am. I don't want to do it anymore, I truly don't. I can't help it though," I tried.

"Yes, you can. You just have to resist the urges," he said, sternly.

"I've tried, Dean! They're harder than hell to resist! You don't understand," I whimpered the last few words.

"You've resisted them before!" He said, voice raising. "You've gone for so long without doing it, why now? Why is it so hard to just stop?!"

"I'm just going to kill myself, okay? Then you won't have to fucking deal with me! Not like you wanted to in the first place," I said, just letting the words roll off my tongue. I pulled the phone away, hanging up and throwing it across the room.

I let out a choked sob as it rang continuously. I looked over, seeing the mirror father had given me, and punched it, shattering it, making my hand bleed. 

Father's talking through my door, but I'm not listening. I looked down at the shattered glass on the floor next to me as the blood fell from my knuckles.

I grabbed what looked like the sharpest piece and pressed down into my arm, swiping across it multiple times. I let out a breath of relief before I curled up in the corner, my head on my knees.

"I'm okay, father," I said, making him walk away. I let out a soft sob as I sat there in the almost dark room.

"I-uh," I couldn't answer. I knew he would be disappointed in me.

"Did you do it again?" He asked. I looked down at my knuckles, looking at the small scars on them from where I punched it.

"Sorry," I mumbled, clenching my hand tightly. I hated that I did it. I hated it.

But I truly can't stop. It always comes back.

"Why?" He sounded disappointed. We pulled into the amusement park parking lot and pulled next to Jessica and Sam.

Dean got out of the car, giving me some privacy as he helped Sam and Jessica with the stuff.

"Father and I got into a fight about my cuts because I did it and he found out and he started yelling at me. And I went into my room and called Dean, thinking he would help me, but he took father's side and I told him I was going to kill myself and I hung up and then I punched it and cut myself multiple times. I'm sorry, Lucifer," I said, voice cracking.

"We'll talk about it when you get home, okay? Go spend the day with Dean," he said before hanging up. I locked my phone, squeezing my eyes shut tightly before I got out of the car, taking Adrian from Jessica because he wanted me to carry him.

It was about the end of the day, when things actually started to fall apart.

Dean and I haven't been talking whatsoever and Adrian was complaining constantly about it being too cold, yet too hot.

"Hey, Cas," Jessica's voice startled me. I turned and smiled at her.

"Yeah?" I said.

"Why aren't you and Dean talking?" She asked, curiously. I sighed, shrugging.

"I don't even know. He just seems like he doesn't want to talk to me, so I'm not trying," I started, "I have a question."

"What?" She asked.

"Have you noticed Dean drifting from me? I don't know if its just me being paranoid, but I feel like he isn't being the loveable Dean I knew," I admitted.

"Yeah, actually. He does seem to be drifting away a lot," she said, as if realizing it just now. I sighed, sadly. She grabbed my hand, squeezing it.

"Hey, it'll be alright. Sammy and I are here for you," she smiled. I nodded, continuing to walk.

Is he mad at me?

We were leaving when I realized that I had to be in the same car as him.

Adrian was asleep in my arms and Sam was talking Jessica behind Dean and I. I wanted to say something to him, really badly, but I was almost scared to.

"Thanks for coming with us, Cas," Sam said, putting Adrian in their car and hugging me.

"No problem," I said, smiling.

"Are you coming home Dean after you drop him off or?" He asked. Dean looked like he was caught off guard.

"I don't know yet. I'll let you know," he said in reply, in which Sam nodded. Jessica hugged me tightly.

"Maybe you'll talk on the way home?" She suggested, pulling away. I smiled and shrugged.

"Maybe," I said with a soft sigh. She smiled sadly at me, ruffling my hair, before getting into the car. Dean and I followed suit in the impala.

It was quiet once we actually started driving. I felt uncomfortable. I know I shouldn't, but I did. I had my hands on my lap and I seemed to be fidgeting a lot more than usual.

"Cas?" He said, suddenly, catching me off guard. He hasn't taken his eyes off the road.

"Hmm?" I hummed in response.

"Would you ever go through with killing yourself? Like not leaving a note or anything?" He asked. It almost sounded like he was kind of scared.

"I've thought about it a lot, yes, but I don't know if I'd do it," I admitted. He only nodded slightly before it went quiet for a few more seconds again.

"Why would you want to?" He asked.

"I don't like my life. I never really have. You're the main reason I've been trying to at least keep it," I found myself saying. I internally scolded myself for letting it slip out of my mouth.

"Oh, really?" He asked. There was something in his voice that I couldn't put my finger on.

"Really. Dean, I love you," I told him, and it was true. I did love him so much.

"I-I love you too," he stuttered out before remaining quiet again. I sat there, trying to pinpoint what was in his voice.

It wasn't until we were about ten minutes to my house, that I figured it out, and I was really confused.

Why was he guilty?

"Are you guilty about something?" I asked, suddenly. He glanced over at me before looking at the road again.

"I-uh," he stopped. I felt my stomach start tying itself in a knot.

"What?" I mustered to get out.

"I have exactly told you the truth on everything," he admitted.

"Like what?" I asked, curiously.

"Like the fact that I might still talk to Anna?" He squeaked the words out and my stomach dropped.

"What?" I whispered.

"I still talk to Anna and I visit her sometimes," he admitted. My heart shattered.

"You said you were done talking to her after you cheated on me," I squeaked out.

"Yeah, well, I wasn't. I talk to her still," he said, more confident. We pulled into my driveway and we both got out of the car.

"You told me you stopped," I said, more stern than usual.

We're going to fight again.

"Well, I didn't, Castiel. Just because I told you something doesn't mean I actually do it. Sometimes, I even think back to that time I cheated on you," he said, getting louder.

"Are you fucking her too? Because we all know she would just die to fuck you as much as possible!" I said, ignoring the fact that the front door opened.

"So what if I am!" He yelled, getting in my face.

"I'm your fucking boyfriend, Dean!" I yelled back.

"Yeah, one that's not even fucking human!" He said.

"And suicidal and clingy and pale, yeah I've heard it all from your mouth, Dean! I could go on and on if I fucking wanted!" I screamed.

"Yeah, well, you need yo actually realize that you are those things and not try to control whether I'm friends with Anna or not!" He screamed back. 

"I'm fucking sorry I don't want to lose you! You're the best thing that has happened to me and I don't want my past to take you away from me!" I lowered my voice slightly, tears welling up in my eyes.

"Well, that's what's happening, I guess," he said, softly. I felt my wings become visible before there was almost like a burning pain.

I saw a glow of orange on Dean's face and his eyes went wide. I glanced behind me at my wings and saw the flames.

My wings were burning away.

I looked back at Dean, a single tear falling down my cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Last chapter of this book. I do have a sequel that I will be posting soon. (: I love you guys!


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